Isn't she lovely!

Look at my baby on the cover of Curve this month! I feel like a teenybopper I want to cut out the pictures and paste them on the wall. She's so beautiful!! You're all invited to our wedding in South Africa!

The Burden of Neat hair

August 30th will mark 6 years of having my locs. I absolutely love my locs currently they are the only thing about my body that I really love. When I first loc'd my hair they were very thick, but I've noticed that they're getting thinner and thinner. For the most part its not a problem because they're still fairly thick. But, the reason why they're getting thinner is because about every two weeks I retwist my hair. I follow this schedule for several reasons, the first being that 2 weeks is the normal hair washing schedule and once I wash them they are in desperate need of re twisting. Sometimes I get lazy and the push that I need to re twist usually comes from me having to wear a scarf for a while because me hair doesn't look neat. I've been complimented many times on my locs and its always in reference to how long and neat they are, basically this is the only "acceptable" way to have locs. Everyone wants to emphasize how mine look so much better than those other people's whose locs are so messy and thick.
When I originally loc'd my hair it was out of desire to have a more permanant natural hair style. After years of breaking off my hair than regrowing it I decided to stop perming my hair. I wanted to keep my hair natural but had no idea how that would be accomplished. So following in the footsteps of my 2 older siblings I loc'd my hair, the same person who started their's also started mine , my sister in law. As time has gone by I have begun to cherish the way that they have come out and I love how they show how beautiful natural hair is. I've had to twist a few locs together because they were getting thin, and I know that the answer is to not re twist so often. But, as much as I want to tell all those people who talk about "neat" locs to go fuck themselves, I still feel compelled to fall in line with the neat locs society. I don't know wish me luck in not twisting my hair for at least a month, and hopefully I can begin to reverse the affects of this brainwashing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Today's my birthday!!

I'm officially in my mid 20's as my friend says. I'm 24 years old and I will be celebrating by watching movies and cooking myself a nice meal. Yeah I'll be alone, but I guess its time I get used to not having a big birthday bash. Anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
A beautiful Cake that I would love to have from Charm City Cakes

How I'm feeling

First I want to say thanks to all those who have sent their support it really means a lot. I really do love this online community, its definitely been a life line when I've felt completely isolated. I just got back from a department gathering and I feel like crying, but for several different reasons. When I was at the party I got to talk to one of my sheroes who researches the same area as me and is 28 with a PhD and I just stand in awe of her. She's amazing! She really encouraged me and is such a cool drink of water. Its so important to have community and to have someone to bounce ideas off of and affirm my experiences. As you all can tell my grammar is not the best, but on this blog I don't really care because if it bothers someone too bad they can stop reading. But, to hear that someone else struggles like me and it felt good. So I'm so happy that I feel like crying.

I also feel like crying because I can't believe that I'm really never going to see my step brother again. Its hard for me to fully grasp, I just think about all the times that we hung out and how sweet he was, and I'm so mad that he's gone. I'm also mad that it seems like the language isn't there to properly describe his death. He was shot down in his house, someone called him down to the front door and when he came they just shot him. Now that is murder and the law recognizes it as such, but I feel like that definition isn't adequately applied to his death. In the news and by others its said that he was shot, but because he's young, Black and urban there's an implication that he was somewhat complicit in his own murder. He doesn't receive the same sympathy as other murder victims because he's young, black and urban so that happens all the time. This troubles me deeply, but besides that I'm still just stuck on the fact that I'll never see him again. We can't meet up in a little bit and catch up like no time has passed. He can't introduce me to his daughter who I know he loved so much. We can't share in each other's lives , its over. He's gone and I'm still having a hard time understanding that. I can't believe that someone really took his life. It just doesn't make sense , he was such a sweet heart. I always wanted a brother who was closer in age and could be my daily protection and he was that. He had my back he was always there for me when I needed him. At a time when I didn't really fit in with my peers he never made me feel bad about who I was. I'll always love him for that. These are the things I'll think about and then the fact that he's gone will hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought that I wouldn't have the chance to see him again, this wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to die at 26. This world just doesn't make sense.

a note on grief

On thursday while I was at the conference my mother calls me to tell me that my step brother was shot and killed. I didn't cry or scream when I found out I was stunned in disbelief. I haven't seen him in years, but he had added me on myspace. When I found out I began to wonder why I hadn't written him a message saying hi, how are you doing. Why didn't I try and meet up when I was home? These are all questions that are plaguing me. I want to go to the funeral and say goodbye. But, its weird in some ways I feel like I don't have a right to be sad, we haven't spoken in years.

I'm currently just feeling a whole lot of things right now. I haven't told a lot of people. I was trying to put it out of my mind, but now I'm home and my mind is wandering and all of these questions are just messing with me. I've only had one other person close to me die. I don't really know what to do. I'm also a little hesitant to go because my step father may be there and my step brother's funeral isn't the place for a confrontation, but I just couldn't allow him to come near me without spazzing out. I don't know there's just a lot going on.

What a weekend

I so much to blog about, I just came back from a conference where I met the love of my life (jk, just a really cool girl) but, I didn't get her number. It was really great, but I'm too tired to really get in to it so here are some beautiful pictures of Rose Rollins, that I got from AfterEllen.
p.s. I also saw a Tasha look alike!!

procrastiboredom

I recently bought a camera and the next day I lost it somehow, and I have no idea how. So I finally bought a new camera and since I'm procrastinating so bad right now I decided to take some pictures and share them with you all.Clearly I'm just entirely too gay lol

My spring break summed up in a picture, Lotion - get your minds out of the gutter, my skin is acting up so I'm taking care of it. The book which I should be reading for my thesis and pledge cleaner, because I've seriously cleaned my apartment numerous times. Oh, and water because I've been guzzling it like its going out of style.

So this is what I look like sleeping!
The view from inside my locs, my sanctuary.
My weekend attire
getting creative with the camera effects. The untweezed, unwaxed, unthreded eyebrows in solidarity with BFP

Procrastination quizzes

40%

Given that I have a 40% chance of surviving, I'm gonna go with my friend's plan in the event of a zombie attack you'll find me with a bottle pills, a bottle of alcohol and some music. I'm going out like a rock star!

17

The funniest part about this quiz is that I have a friend who was actually jumped by a bunch of 5 year olds. I'm glad I could take 17 of them out lol

Spring Break Randomness

Some random thoughts from my sucky spring break

1. I don't know what the hell to do with my hair! My locs have hit a growth spurt, after 5 years I've realized that there come times where I really notice my locs and its always when they reach a length milestone. For example when they finally hit my neck, I smacked myself for a good month before I got used to them. This past summer they hit the middle of my back, and now they're just long and I have no idea what to do.
2. Being rejected by all the schools you applied to really SUCKS!!
   
3. White people are really nice to you when they know that you're going to spend a lot of money in their store.
   
4. I had a dream that me and Tasha from the L word were a couple and Alice was jealous. Yes it was Tasha and Alice not Rose Rollins and Leisha Hailey. That dream was so nice I've been using it to bring my happiness in the midst of this sucky sucky spring break.
   
5. Oh SHIT!! I'm gonna be 24 at the end of the month.
6. Marvita is the reason I continue to watch top model this season.
   
7. Dani Campbell being on the cover of curve made me feel like I was 13 and it was the new issue of Word Up!
   

I'm a dork and I'm okay with that

Excuse me while I whip out my dork hat..... But, I am a HUUUGE Sailor Moon fan!!

Seriously I loved Sailor Moon when I was younger, and then I found out that the whole entire series can be seen online at youtube and veoh. It took me a while but I finally got through the first season and then I made it through the second, skipping through a few episodes. But, I haven't enjoyed any season like the third! First we have the introduction of Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus who are .... LESBIANS!!! Wooo Hooo !! Here are some pics of them

how butch is Uranus!
But, despite her Butch exterior she has a little femme in her too!










And she's got all the girls swooning, even Sailor Jupiter developed a little crush (who I called as being gay from the beginning!)





Check out her high femme girlfriend Sailor Neptune



Besides the mere presence of Lesbian characters, I really like how they've been treated. Its just sort of no big deal. At first all the other Sailor scouts thought Uranus was a guy. But, they haven't shunned them at all. They actually want to be like them and so far Jupiter and Sailor Moon have found comfort in Sailor Uranus' arms. I also love that in one episode Sailor Jupiter talked about how hard she tries to conform to gender norms.

Unfortunately, most of this has been cut out of the English dubbed version, so you have to watch it in Japanese with subtitles. Which, isn't bad because they got a new voice actress for Sailor moon and her voice is like finger nails on a chalk board.

But despite my love for Sailor Moon I will never go this far!










So thank you for indulging my Sailor Moon obsession, and go watch all of the episodes now!!

Beauty in an Ugly world

I just realized that it's been a while since I've posted pictures of beautiful women, and with such an ugly world we need some beauty.

Now I'm not really all into Angelina Jolie, but I loove tattoos and this picture below is too HOT!
As some of you may know America's next top model is back! They've also corrected a mistake they made last year in getting rid of Marvita. She is beautiful and a little butch, she also sets off my limited gaydar any way here's her picture from last week. She walked out and my mouth dropped, she's so beautiful. Marvita call me!!

I was trying to find a picture of Lucia Rijker that's in the new Curve, because OH MY GOD! Does she look fine, but since I can't find that one I'm gonna post an old one.


and of course I can't forget my wife, in this beautiful pic from Vibe that I stole from greyday because she gets all the hookups

Words for gentrification

I am an HGTV nut! I love HGTV, all the property shows like National Open house, House Hunters all of them. But, what I've noticed is all the different ways that they've tried to cover up gentrification. My top three are:

1. Pioneering neighborhood
2. Up in coming
3. Neighborhood in transition

I love how they come up with new words to hide their removal of poor mainly Brown people from these neighborhoods. Since we're coming up with new words how about "forceful encouragement of heterosexuality" for homophobia.

thoughts in theory class

I'm currently in my feminist theory class, and we're talking about Judith Butler. We're talking about the assumptions and generalizations in feminist discourse. We talked about the assumptions in the works of hooks and Riche, and it got me wondering, how can you write without marginalizing and othering some group?

As someone who wants to research and produce works about Women of color. How do I not do what I criticize other people for doing? are generalizations inevitable?

Marginalize This!!

I am so fucking tired of this election season!!
I just watched the Gay Agenda vlog over on After Ellen but its also up at the visible vote and After Elton. In it they asked the insightful comment of whether it was more radical to have a woman president or an African American man. Yes, they didn't qualify woman with white, because white is THE race and doesn't need to be qualified. I'm so tired of this thinking I'm posting below part of my comment that I left up there.

Let me start off by saying no I don't think that Clinton should withdraw, I really don't think the race has reached that point yet. But what really bothers me is the way that so many people especially Clinton supporters act as if Race is not an issue anymore in this country and this race. Well it is an issue when they want to claim some mystical Black card that the Clintons supposedly got so many years ago.

Is it more radical to have a woman than an African American man? was the question you asked, well tell me this does Clinton have no race? Why does Barack get a racial qualifier and Clinton doesn't? Is her womanhood raceless? Does she have no racial privilege? Oh I'm sorry apparently white privilege doesn't exist anymore, only male privilege.

I don't really care about you being objective or not, but just as you accuse of the media of having a bias towards Obama and ignoring the sexism directed towards Clinton. You two are completely ignoring any racial implications involved in this race. Simply posing the question of is it more radical to have a woman or an African American male. Is building on the assumption that sex oppression is somehow worst than race based oppression. This thinking is what has led to the continued marginalization of Women of color.

I wish that they were the only ones who were doing this, but no Christine Craft manages to be even more offensive in an article for SF Gate. Some of my favorite parts are

While sexism hasn't had the same hideous history of lynchings as its companion "ism," the case can be made that gender bias is even more prevalent, more accepted, more insidious and more likely to die a drawn-out death. The presidential campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton is this thesis writ large.

and

I was taken aback years ago when I had a conversation with Anita Hill. She told me the most disheartening turn of her righteous objection to the coronation of Clarence Thomas had been the attacks she bore from women. She saw all too clearly then that women were the last n-words, conditioned to denigrate their own kind.

that last one reminded me of an essay that I read in Pearl Cleage's book Deals with The Devil. Where she quotes Yoko Ono saying that Women are the niggers of the world. Pearl brilliantly asked after then what are Black women? I'm so sick and tired of the way this election is shaping discourse!

Then we have Tina Fey saying "Bitch is the new Black!" Please someone tell me what the FUCK that is supposed to mean?

This should be an amazing and exciting time for the first time ever we have a White woman and a Black man who could actually gain the democratic nomination and even win! But, instead of being excited and motivated I'm reminded that as a woman of color I'm invisible. And my identity as a Queer woman of color is inconceivable but so many people, because everyone knows that all the women are white, all the men are Black and all the Queers are white men. But, some of us are more than brave!

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I know that there are other women of color out there of varying sexualities that are fighting to be heard, and won't have our voices marginalized. So here's to them, all the wonderful women that make fighting worth it!

Here's a wonderful quote from the amazing brownfemipower, it was from a post she had up about the Duke case. I love it so much that I frequently use it as an away message

"...I will stand beside any and all violated women of color, unquestioning and without apology, because I, too, am the lying stripper, the useless whore, the backstabbing "sister", the nasty 'ho, the unintelligent blogger, the uppity nigger, the DNA dripping slut.

We'll never shut up, and we'll never go away.

We've sung songs you'll never hear, we've created colors you've never dreamt of, and we know a love that you've killed for but you'll never own."

Oh Sara Ramirez!!

She's Hot, Gay friendly and speaks Spanish.... What more can you ask for. Excuse me Laura for lusting all over you wife, but damn!

A Message from Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez

Obama around the world

Now I'm a reluctant Obama supporter, I am going to vote for him in the primary even though I'm still strongly considering writing in Kucinnich, but if it's Obama or Clinton I'm going Obama. What I love is all the diverse Obama support videos here's a little snippet.
(h/t vivir latino)

Okay what is with all the drama! So remember the married girl who was trying to talk to me, and through the wise advice of you wonderful readers as well as others I realized that its just a bad idea to get involved. Well she just sent me a message asking why I was avoiding her and if she got her signals crossed. Okay so its true I have been avoiding her but not really, I've responded to all of her text messages, but not her facebook wall comment and her call which she sent right before the text. I'm just a little taken a back that we have to have this relationship type talk when we're not even in a relationship. We haven't even kissed or anything some drunken hand holding and a leg rub really doesn't constitute a situation where a talk needs to occur. Sure we tentatively set up a date but it wasn't an official date and there was no date set up! What the hell is going on!! Now I have to have this stupid conversation about how I'm not going to get involved with her because she's married.

I guess I didn't expect it to go there because nothing really happened warranting a conversation. There's only one girl that I could really see having legitimate reason for us to talk and ask why I'm sending mixed signals because I have. This married girl not so much. Its not really drama just annoying, I really wanted to respond to the text saying its not that serious!! Because it's really not!

I've found the woman of my dreams

Please meet Lyja

Northwestern hates me

Today I saw the letter that I was praying that I wouldn't get, my rejection letter from Northwestern's African American Studies PhD program. It was my first choice and now my second rejection I got rejected from UC Irvine's Culture and Theory program. They were both high on my list and now I'm wait listed at Ohio state and waiting to hear from IU Bloomington and Rutgers. Someone's already heard from IU Bloomington and I haven't heard anything so its not looking promising. I could care less about these other programs but I was just really hoping Northwestern would be a yes. My little cousin is here visiting and she's the only reason that I haven't crawled into bed and stayed there. So yeah things really need to turn around and quick because I really don't have a plan B. I'm not planning on staying in this Godforsaken city I'm in now so it'll be go back home where I don't have a room, get a job and try this whole thing all over again. I'm just pissed and upset and am praying that I get in somewhere, anywhere.

Oh the Wonderfullness

Okay I bow down to the wonderfullness (yeah I did just make that word up and what?!) that is GreyDay. Who is Grey Day you might ask? Well she's the wonderful person behind the Rose Rollins fan blog. She was fortunate enough to actually speak with my future wife (yes I know that we haven't met, and technically she's hetero, but those are just a few minor details). Well my wife is so wonderful that she graciously sent some beautiful pictures of herself to the site and I highly suggest that you go and check them out!

Oh just in case you needed more evidence why me and Rose are meant to be, this is what our daughter will look like once they make the technology available for two women to have children together.




p.s. Grey Day next time you talk to my wife let her know that all the arrangements are being set up in Canada for our fabulous wedding!! ;-)

official bitter single woman I hate valentines day post

This is my official bitter single woman I hate valentines day post.
I found these at Be my anti valentine

yes I'm bitter, and mad the only person that wants me is married and therefore unavailable. But Happy Valentines day to all those who are actually enjoying this holiday with someone they love. Oh and I only have about 400 facebook friends

Advice needed

Help I need advice!!
So here's the deal I like a girl and she likes me, normally it'd all be good but she's married ... to a man. She's bi and I have no issues with that, but her being married worries me. I'm currently not interested in being in a serious long term relationship, especially since I'm moving in some months. So in my head this sounds like a good arrangement, the relationship could only get so serious because she's married and when I commit to someone I want it to be just us two. But I'm afraid that this could all blow up in my face especially since this would be my first relationship with a woman. I just set up a date for the end of this week, am I crazy? Should I walk away? I don't know what to do!! Help

Live Blogging from my bathroom

Live Blogging from my bathroom.

Why am I blogging from my bathroom? Because we currently have a tornado warning and I'm scared. I hear the tornado sirens going as well as other emergency sirens. So I have set up shop in my bathroom and don't plan on leaving until the sirens end. This is scary I'm moving back to the Northeast, I hate the mid west/ south its just not safe.

I HATE being scared

All of my friends know that I tend to be a little scared and slightly paranoid, well today my fears were reinforced. I was sitting at my desk as usual watching TV I had my blinds open and am just enjoying my Sunday. Then I notice some movement by my blinds I look a little closer, because it was right near the staircase towards my neighbors apartment, however, this was not my neighbor. It was another man he moved from in front of my window further back where you can see more clearly in my apartment. He saw me looking and moved away, I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. So I called my best friend and she told me to call the police, and they came and checked the area. They didn't find anything, but I'm still scared. I don't know what he wanted, was he a rapist, a murderer, a murder and a rapist, a peeping tom? I have no idea and it scares me. I have a hammer and a knife next to me, I've barricaded myself in my apartment and no one will get in this apartment without me hearing them. But, despite all these safeguards I'm still worried that he will come back and he will get in. I finally closed my blinds, but I was hesitant to do so because I'd like to at least be able to see if someone is near my home, but I'm not even sure about that.
All the statistics about home invasions are running through my head, the statistic that 1 out of 4 women will be raped in her lifetime, and I worry if I'm going to be that one. I'm scared and I HATE being scared. I don't know what to do, I've never been a fan of guns, but in this moment I understand why people have them. I just want to feel safe and I don't know how.

Patricia Moreno saved my diet!!

Who is this Patricia Moreno you ask? Well she is the woman that saved my exercise routine. It all started with a Borders coupon and my impulses lol. I went to Borders with the intention of getting 40% off a box set, I figured why not get the L word, unfortunately they didn't have it but I ended up buying seasons 1 and 4 my favorite so far. While I'm contemplating the difficult decision of whether to buy the L word or SVU I saw a Gaiam yoga section, they are the company that I bought my yoga kit from so me having a recently deposited pay check decided to go over and see what else I could spend my money on, and I saw a kick boxing yoga fusion DVD and I was won over. I needed something to get me to do more cardio and I heard kick boxing was fun so I figured why not.

Fast forward to me bailing on my friend and deciding to stay home and watch bad lifetime movies. After my movies and my junk food binge I decided to try out this DVD, so I put on my workout gear that I will only wear in the privacy of my own home and got started. I have to say that I really liked the DVD, she was easy to follow and fun to look at. But, enough objectifying her, the point is that she made it fun. I am now a work out video connoisseur, and the yoga videos are all very calming and peaceful, but the cardio/aerobic videos you need them to motivate you. I already own sweating in the spirit and I have to say she comes of as phoney, even when she's supposed to be praising God it seems staged. I didn't realize how much it bothered me until I got this video. When Patrica Moreno says come on you can do it and smiles, its always at a rough part and she seems sincere. The work out was fun, energetic and not too complicated. It was also a lot of fun to do. So I do believe that I have found a workout video that works for me.

Exercise is not for big girls!

Okay so I'm on this let's get healthy and lose 50 lbs by the time I start my PhD program (hopefully in the fall) kick. I really need to relax and I've always wanted to try yoga. So not wanting to embarrass myself and on an impulse buy, I bought this starting yoga kit. This kit came with a mat, a block, a strap and a "complete" DVD. The DVD turned out to be a 15min AM work out, a prop work out about another 15min and a small illustration which doesn't really tell you what to do. It sort of assumes you already know. So not being deterred I bought a real beginner yoga DVD. The first one wasn't that bad when I tried it was all the back bends. But today I tried sitting poses and it’s so annoying because they were not made for big girls, matter of fact curvy people. I wish that this problem was only in yoga, but my senior year I took Karate and had the same problem. What was that problem you asked? My curves get in the way! In karate when we would be asked to bring our arms all the way to our chest, my chest would get in the way. I would get so frustrated because my instructor would tell me to bring it over closer when it was just impossible. The last bra I fit was a 40 DDD, now a few months ago I went to buy some more and yeah they didn't fit anymore. So I'm well endowed to say the least. I'm also not lacking in the butt area, I'm not saying this to tell everyone how curvy I am, but to say I've got more than your average girl. So what am I to do when they require your back to completely flat against the ground, its just not possible!

Are there any workout programs that know how to deal with an amply blessed woman lol? I'm just sick in tired of being completely frustrated by exercise programs that work on the premise that every person doing them has a small to average chest, and a flat butt! I know I'm not the only one! Ladies tell me your stories, has anyone overcome this?

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

There are a lot of things going on in my mind, that I would love to post about but I don't really feel like being that vulnerable online. So instead I wanted to post about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". It should be clear to everyone that this is a failed policy and it has serious reprecussions on the lives of many individuals who choose to enlist in our armed forces. Now I would never join the military and am very much against any of my friends or family members joining. However, I do have respect for those who find the military a noble cause and are willing to risk their lives for this country. This issue has been at the forefront of alot of online discussions I've seen recently because of the L word storyline involving my future wife Rose Rollins. Rose as you know plays Capt. Tasha Williams on the L word, who is currently dealing with being investigated for homosexual conduct. Last week she did an amazing job in this scene where she confronts her lawyer who doesn't really believe that she should be in the military because she's a lesbian. Enjoy my wife at work.



Amazing, right?!

I also love watching the Vlog "She Got me Pregnant" I just like it, I am definitely not considering having children anytime soon, and sometimes question whether I want children at all. But its still a nice vlog, anyway this week they dealt with Don't Ask Don't tell and told a gut wrenching story about a family suffering under this policy. It's very moving and I definitely suggest you all watch it. When you're done go over to the Mombian website and read the full article.

Mombian Vlog 01-24-08
Uploaded by drudolph

After watching that I went and looked up the presidential candidates on "Don't Ask Don't Tell", and I wish I could say that I was surprised at the republican response. I have to say though I was pissed, because the republicans dodged the question and then dared to say the policy is working! Clearly they haven't done their research anyway here's the youtube clip ... enjoy?



And a response



So just some food for thought.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

I was thinking about what to post to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr Day. I feel like I should post something because I'm a Black blogger, and because I also admire Martin Luther King Jr. But, I've come to hate what this holiday has become. Its become a day for people to ignore the true radical message of Dr. King and try to fill the huge void in the American Education system with regards to People of Color. Growing up this holiday always meant the teachers making us look around in our semi diverse classroom and claim that Dr. King's dream has been realized. So instead of writing a post about that I think this picture of George W. Bush talking to a young Black girl about the importance of Dr. King best summarizes my feelings, especially in the girl's face.

Things I did instead of sleeping or doing work:

Things I did instead of sleeping or doing work:

• Watched every youtube video I could find on Staceyann Chin
  
• Worked out to Sweating in the Spirit
  
• Cleaned my kitchen
  
• Used my new washer and dryer to do laundry
  
• googled Helena's hot cell mate on the L Word Lucia Rijker
• Started cleaning my living room until I spotted a waste belt I bought for working out which inspired me to begin working out at 3:30 am
  
• Began writing this post
  
• Wondered what the hell is wrong with me and why I decided to pull an all nighter for no apparent reason
• Realized that staying up til 5am (again for no apparent reason) and working out gives you a headache
  

Clearly I need help!

Little Dragon

Okay I'm pretty sure Hanifah & Olive should put me on their street team lol, but everyone should definitely donate $20 so they can get the U People card. With this card you get to download a mixtape by a different woman DJ each month. The first one was done by DJ Reborn from Ubiquita NYC. The whole mix is amazing I love every song up there. But a couple of songs kept catching my attention and when I went to the site where they had a track listing I found out it was from some group called Little Dragon. So like anyone else would do I goggled them and then found their Myspace page, after listening to a few songs I'm hooked. They are absolutely amazing! This song in particular is so beautiful I could cry.



Now I haven't paid enough attention to the video to understand it, but the song by itself is beautiful.

Yay Rose/Tasha!!

Wonderful slide show made by Grey Day at the Rose Rollins Fan page.

| View | Upload your own

Can a girl catch a break!

Shelley Nicole's Blak Bushe

Oh What a Night

Last night I was fortunate enough to attend a fund raiser concert for the amazing Documentary UPeople. Which was Directed by Hanifah Walidah and Olive Demetrius. The movie was incredible and I was fortunate enough to be in the NYC area, so I could head to Bed Stuy to Solomon's Porch and enjoy this amazing concert. So here's my long winded recap of the night followed by a link at the end to where you can watch it all yourself.

Unfortunately I get star struck really REALLY BAD! Its really ridiculous, but I had been preparing myself, I watch their weekly Vlogs and absolutely love them. So I was preparing myself to see Olive Demetrius, Hanifah Walidah and Gloria Bigelow but when I saw them I was in shock. I couldn't help but stare at them as they walked by. So if any of you are reading this I was the weird girl staring lol. So as I sat in shock as they walked by my friend reminded me to be cool and not act like the dork I really am. Then the show starts and Gloria Bigelow does an amazing job, she had me cracking up and I still couldn't believe that I got to see her live. Then Hanifah Walidah came on and DAMN! She did an amazing job! The music was on point her energy was incredibly high and her performance was impeccable! When she brought Olive her partner up there for the song "Do you mind" it was so cute. You can see the love emanating from them. I was sitting right next to the window and then I turn and who is outside listening? Toshi Reagon, I was really worried for the other artists because I just couldn't see how anyone could follow that up, but they more than held their own.

Next up we had Shelley Nicole's Blak Bushe, unfortunately I was in the back and the place was packed so I couldn't see her hot legs everyone kept talking about. Her performance was hot though. She started out with a song that made me mad that I was single, and then continued on with my new stressed out life sucks song Black Girls which is on the U People soundtrack. She was amazing, she just picked up the guitar and was jamming the whole crowd was so into it. Then in the middle of her set who walks in? None other than Macy Gray (remember me and how star struck I get, yeah you can only imagine). Shelley Nicole was just amazing!

More on me an my Star struckness, as Shelley nicole finishes her set the couple that was sitting next to me and my friend get up and leave. I see the guy motioning towards someone telling them that there are two seats and then Tika Milan walks over and sits down right next to me. I wanted to say something, I wanted to say I really liked her on I'm from Rolling Stone, I wanted to say she had a cool shirt which she did, but all I did was get really stiff and try to ignore her. I was so nervous I couldn't even smile lol. I did manage to say something to her, when I was waiting to sign my check I asked her for a pen.... I know, monumental conversation.

Next up was Honey Larochelle, and I had seen her on last weeks podcast and she wasn't shy but I did not expect her to have so much energy on stage. She was absolutely amazing, her voice was beautiful and all of the horns. Her song about her mother's advice was so beautiful and touching.

After it was all over, everyone was selling CD's and unfortunately I had less the money than I thought and ran out of money before I could get Hanifah Walidah's CD. She handed me a flyer thing for the movie and I got star struck so all I could do was smile. Now mind you I had hyped myself up as to what I was going to say to her. I was going to tell her that I had sent her a myspace message and taken a picture with her and Olive at their New York screening. I wanted to say how great a job she did and how she's such an inspiration. But what did I do? Smile like a big doof.

Overall the night was amazing, it was filled with amazing Queer women of many colors, and there were also Queer men and straight women and men. It was amazing environment. I didn't want it to end. One last tidbit about how star struck I got as I was walking my friend to the bus stop and we were trying to find the right train for her to take we stopped and asked some women and Gloria Bigelow was one of them and again what did I do? Smile like a doof. Eh, next time I will speak. Now go over to U People and watch for yourself and while you over there you should drop some money their way to support the film. Don't forget to watch their weekly podcast/vlog every week either at UPeople-themovie.com or on AfterEllen.com . Here's a picture of me Hanifah and Olive, at the NYC screening of U People in October. You know I gotta keep my identity secret and all so I've done an artistic rendering of me lol

Tasha!!!

I just found these clips on youtube of my reason for staying interested in the L Word, Tasha. She is paired with one of my favorite characters Alice and they are just too cute. I'm not really a fan of the aggressiveness that she posesses but its such an improvement over their other portrayals of Black women. So yeah its progress, but enjoy oh and the third clip is definitely not work safe





Again this clip is NOT work safe








::UPDATE:: So as I'm continuing on in my Rose Rollins induced coma I happened upon this blog dedicated to none other than my future wife Rose Rollins! So please go over support and drool. http://roserollinsfanblog.blogspot.com/

It's Christmas eve

Now picture this lady as Black and with locs and you have me. It's Christmas Eve I should be feeling great and stress free. But, I have more applications due in about a week and I'm pretty sure there is no way that I can make the deadline. I'm tempted to drop two more schools from my list. I still haven't finished that last paper, and my head hurts so bad from thinking about this all I have no way to function. I'm going to try and finish everything tomorrow.... pray for me!

Dani, Dani, Dani!!!

As you all know I am horribly addicted to TV. My latest guilty pleasure has been A shot at love with Tila Tequila, which is an absolutely horrible tv show. It only reinforces stereotypes about lesbian and bi women, it subjects these women to so much blatant homophobia and racism that it makes me sick. However, there has been one shining star that has kept me watching and that's Dani Campbell. She is the "futch" firefighter on the show, and is oh so hot! She's down to earth never bad mouthing the other people on the show, and she's just great. I'm so obsessed that anacoana has threatened me if I mentioned her name again, but I can''t help it she's just so damn hot, and that talentless idiot Tila Tequila didn't pick her.

On the one hand I'm happy because she's too good for her, but on the other hand I can't believe she didn't see that Bobby was a troll and Dani a goddess. I just don't get it so. There's my rant on Tila Tequila and now let's all stare at the beauty that is Dani Campbell.

I thought she was hot from the first time I saw her in her firefighter outfit, which you can see at about 2:20 in the video below. You can also get a nice taste of what's wrong with this show from the clip.



Oh an Amanda's a hypocrite she talks about gross "butchy" girls but she was on The secret lives of women: Lipstick lesbians, with her very butch girlfriend.



Anyway back to ::swoon:: Dani!

TASHA!!!!

January 6 can't come soon enough actually December 30 on ourchart

I need a vacation

I need a vacation

I'm so stressed that my eye is twitching. According to this website it can be caused by excessive stress, lack of sleep and fatigue. Yup that sounds about right. DAMN GRAD SCHOOL!

Is this too much?

Remember my whole thing with being "post gay" would buying this be considered going to far?


lol just kidding I don't think I'm going to buy it but I did think about it for like 30 seconds or a minute whatever

Finals time

Finals time is here, I've already completed two papers but I have two more to go for actual grades this semester and this is not counting my thesis stuff and PhD application stuff I need to get done. I'm so stressed out right now words can not describe it. It is times like these that I wonder why I'm in grad school and whether or not I really wanna continue on. I'm so stressed that I can't do anything, and this leads me to further stress out. I'm sitting here and I feel my chest tightening from the weight of this coming week. I don't know if I can really do it all and what are the implications of any of it not getting done. The last time I felt like this I utilized the wonderful gift Di gave me last year for Christmas.
It really helped me last time and hopefully this time it'll work again. I just pray that I make it through this year, and in my PhD program I'll learn how to handle things better. I just can't go on like this there's got to be a better way.

I don't know why but I'm really feeling this song.

2 am teeth grinding

It's 2 am I'm working on a presentation, and what I've come to realize is that I grind my teeth. Does anyone know how to stop this, besides getting rid of the stress in your life?

I love afterellen.com

I love afterellen.com and this is why

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com