Let's connect!

I've been thinking a lot lately about meeting one on one and having physical interaction with each other. It's so easy not to do this day and age, because we have so many other mediums of communicating. Hell, we text more than we talk now a days. So this really came up last weekend when I was talking with a friend about the importance of marching and why I'm marching in this national equality march. I was thinking that it's important to be known as more than a signiture or an ip address or a screen name.

Our lives and experiences are real and important and making connections with one another in real life can't compare to the best of online conversations. Oddly enough Bruce Willis' new movie surrogates reminded me of that. It got me thinking would I want some robot out there living my life for me? The answer is a clear no there is just something about being out there and living life for real that can't be beat. Especially when it comes to activism its important for us to have an online pressence as well as a physical one. So this weekend I'll be in DC marching for equality, cold and all. So if you're gonna be there too and want to meet up let me know, because I'm heading down there by myself. I'll see you there.

Me and the Church

I was not raised in the church. I started going to church in my early teens, and at the time it was exactly what I needed. I really go into church and got saved when I was 15 years old. At that time I was dealing with an abusive drug addicted step father that brought chaos with him wherever he went. The church was my sanctuary truly, I would go to church and just feel God there and feel safe. I was committed to reading my bible everyday, praying for every one's salvation and preparing for the rapture. I felt so safe and secure and it really steadied me in a lot of ways. But, with my involvement in Church came a lot of shame about everything about me. I was so ashamed that I lusted after women and didn't after men. I would pray all the time for God to take these evil feelings away from me. I active tried to pursue the man that I felt God had planned on me even when I felt absolutely nothing for them. I felt completely numb around them and I constantly questioned what was wrong with me, but I just didn't see any other options.

While I was in college I was very involved in the evangelical student group and put up with a lot of shit from them because we were all God fearing Christians. But, college also exposed me to all different types of people and the hardest to deal with were the few out and proud Queer people on campus, because they were a constant reminder of the lie that I was living. So during my senior year I struggled greatly with my faith, I was starting to feel disconnected because everything I had learned while in church was that God hated homosexuality, oh he loved homosexuals but hated the evil behavior, and I was terrified. I've been to so many different church services where the preacher preached so vehemently against queer people, did altar calls, calling for queer people to come up and be delivered from their wicked ways. So as I was dealing with my sexuality all of this came back to me just telling me that God didn't love me and I was evil.

Clearly I have come to embrace and accept me, wholly and completely, but I still have issues. I have been to queer churches and I know that the words of a many preachers don't accurately reflect God's word. I'm sure that God still loves me, but it's hard when you're constantly being bombarded by gay hating preachers. I realized at the Kwanzaa celebration church is no longer a safe space for me anymore, and that makes me sad. I miss church I want to go back a lot of times, but I feel like I've grown and changed so much and I'm not sure that I fit anymore. When I was hard in to the church I didn't want to hear about any other faith systems because mine was the only one. But, now I respect so many other faiths and have no problem integrating aspects of them into my own life. I have friends that are pagan and I don't see them burning in a fiery hell. Before in church I was taught that anything that isn't exactly in line with Christianity is the work of the devil. But its hard for me now, because I find myself uncomfortable in some Christian situations, not like before, and it honestly makes me worried sometimes. But, I don't know I just don't feel safe anymore in these situations. I don't feel that unconditional love I used to. I know this has a lot to do with me because not all churches are anti gay and homophobic, but just on the everyday its hard.
So this is where I'm at, and I don't know where I'm going but I just needed to get this out.

All trolls be warned your comments will be deleted. You know who you are.

Oh Sara Ramirez!!

She's Hot, Gay friendly and speaks Spanish.... What more can you ask for. Excuse me Laura for lusting all over you wife, but damn!

A Message from Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

There are a lot of things going on in my mind, that I would love to post about but I don't really feel like being that vulnerable online. So instead I wanted to post about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". It should be clear to everyone that this is a failed policy and it has serious reprecussions on the lives of many individuals who choose to enlist in our armed forces. Now I would never join the military and am very much against any of my friends or family members joining. However, I do have respect for those who find the military a noble cause and are willing to risk their lives for this country. This issue has been at the forefront of alot of online discussions I've seen recently because of the L word storyline involving my future wife Rose Rollins. Rose as you know plays Capt. Tasha Williams on the L word, who is currently dealing with being investigated for homosexual conduct. Last week she did an amazing job in this scene where she confronts her lawyer who doesn't really believe that she should be in the military because she's a lesbian. Enjoy my wife at work.



Amazing, right?!

I also love watching the Vlog "She Got me Pregnant" I just like it, I am definitely not considering having children anytime soon, and sometimes question whether I want children at all. But its still a nice vlog, anyway this week they dealt with Don't Ask Don't tell and told a gut wrenching story about a family suffering under this policy. It's very moving and I definitely suggest you all watch it. When you're done go over to the Mombian website and read the full article.

Mombian Vlog 01-24-08
Uploaded by drudolph

After watching that I went and looked up the presidential candidates on "Don't Ask Don't Tell", and I wish I could say that I was surprised at the republican response. I have to say though I was pissed, because the republicans dodged the question and then dared to say the policy is working! Clearly they haven't done their research anyway here's the youtube clip ... enjoy?



And a response



So just some food for thought.

These words won't do any justice

I've been working on this post all weekend, going over and over in my mind how I could convey in words what I'm feeling. I am in a beautiful country and having the best and worst time ever! I love it here because I have really gotten a chance to commune with nature. I've swam with the fish, swam in the middle of the ocean hung out in a waterfall and lounged on a clear beach. I've fallen in love with the people of this country and have enjoyed this short respite from the continued presence of white privilege over me. However, I have had about enough of feeling alien because I love women.

After a near perfect day of the ocean and other cultural activities we go out and what do we hear but a song about how evil homosexuality is. Its bad enough that the song is playing but the majority of the club join in on the chorus that calls for violence against gays. At this moment I stand there amongst friends and just watch as they dance completely oblivious to the hate coming out of the speakers. I never felt more alone before. Later when I bring it up they do their best to try and understand and sympathize but they can't, because they just don't get it. Flash forward to today as I sit in class and hear our Professor talk about how many Calypso singers find homosexuality funny, and then he goes on and discusses how the idea of a Gay minister of govt is foreign to them, but not as foreign as other countries. He was only half trying to not seem completely biased and disgusted, but it was there. Then after class I have to defend all LGBT people to one of my classmates as he tries to argue that its understandable why people are homophobic and ignore LGBT people. At this point I had to fight back the urge to scream, cry and just run away from this all. This is all too much to handle at sometimes.

I want to hold on to my people and this country so tight, but I can only do this if I deny who I am. I find myself now in a bind, do I continue to blend? Or do I make a stand? Do I even have the agency and authority to make such a bold stand? Where is my safe place? Where is my place where I can go to get rejuvenated? How do I explain something that I can't even put in words to people who claim to be my friends here? Is it even worth it? These are all the questions that are constantly running through my head. I'm just at a point where I don't know where to go from here.

One of the few LGBT sites that isn't blocked is Jasmyne Cannick's blog, and while I don't agree with everything she says all the time, I do get a lot of useful information from here. She just posted this article from a local newspaper and a gay man was talking about how he doesn't have his rights, and all the ways that Trinidad and Tobago should improve in terms of its relations with LGBT people. This article let me know that by being a lesbian and not from here it is illegal for me to be here. Elton John had to get a special license to come and perform. I am absolutely astonished. I want to cling to the people here so bad because I feel like we are so similar, but I can't because I refuse to deny who I am.

I'm getting married

I'm getting married in South Africa! Who's coming?
All I need is a woman to get married to. I'm taking applications for a political woman with a great sense of humor lol.



This is where I'm going to get married, You all are invited, and whoever introduces me to my special lady, can be in the wedding party :D

No, seriously I am excited for South Africa, their post apartheid constitution is really progressive, and everyone should take a que from them.