Patricia Moreno saved my diet!!

Who is this Patricia Moreno you ask? Well she is the woman that saved my exercise routine. It all started with a Borders coupon and my impulses lol. I went to Borders with the intention of getting 40% off a box set, I figured why not get the L word, unfortunately they didn't have it but I ended up buying seasons 1 and 4 my favorite so far. While I'm contemplating the difficult decision of whether to buy the L word or SVU I saw a Gaiam yoga section, they are the company that I bought my yoga kit from so me having a recently deposited pay check decided to go over and see what else I could spend my money on, and I saw a kick boxing yoga fusion DVD and I was won over. I needed something to get me to do more cardio and I heard kick boxing was fun so I figured why not.

Fast forward to me bailing on my friend and deciding to stay home and watch bad lifetime movies. After my movies and my junk food binge I decided to try out this DVD, so I put on my workout gear that I will only wear in the privacy of my own home and got started. I have to say that I really liked the DVD, she was easy to follow and fun to look at. But, enough objectifying her, the point is that she made it fun. I am now a work out video connoisseur, and the yoga videos are all very calming and peaceful, but the cardio/aerobic videos you need them to motivate you. I already own sweating in the spirit and I have to say she comes of as phoney, even when she's supposed to be praising God it seems staged. I didn't realize how much it bothered me until I got this video. When Patrica Moreno says come on you can do it and smiles, its always at a rough part and she seems sincere. The work out was fun, energetic and not too complicated. It was also a lot of fun to do. So I do believe that I have found a workout video that works for me.

Exercise is not for big girls!

Okay so I'm on this let's get healthy and lose 50 lbs by the time I start my PhD program (hopefully in the fall) kick. I really need to relax and I've always wanted to try yoga. So not wanting to embarrass myself and on an impulse buy, I bought this starting yoga kit. This kit came with a mat, a block, a strap and a "complete" DVD. The DVD turned out to be a 15min AM work out, a prop work out about another 15min and a small illustration which doesn't really tell you what to do. It sort of assumes you already know. So not being deterred I bought a real beginner yoga DVD. The first one wasn't that bad when I tried it was all the back bends. But today I tried sitting poses and it’s so annoying because they were not made for big girls, matter of fact curvy people. I wish that this problem was only in yoga, but my senior year I took Karate and had the same problem. What was that problem you asked? My curves get in the way! In karate when we would be asked to bring our arms all the way to our chest, my chest would get in the way. I would get so frustrated because my instructor would tell me to bring it over closer when it was just impossible. The last bra I fit was a 40 DDD, now a few months ago I went to buy some more and yeah they didn't fit anymore. So I'm well endowed to say the least. I'm also not lacking in the butt area, I'm not saying this to tell everyone how curvy I am, but to say I've got more than your average girl. So what am I to do when they require your back to completely flat against the ground, its just not possible!

Are there any workout programs that know how to deal with an amply blessed woman lol? I'm just sick in tired of being completely frustrated by exercise programs that work on the premise that every person doing them has a small to average chest, and a flat butt! I know I'm not the only one! Ladies tell me your stories, has anyone overcome this?

Things I did instead of sleeping or doing work:

Things I did instead of sleeping or doing work:

• Watched every youtube video I could find on Staceyann Chin
  
• Worked out to Sweating in the Spirit
  
• Cleaned my kitchen
  
• Used my new washer and dryer to do laundry
  
• googled Helena's hot cell mate on the L Word Lucia Rijker
• Started cleaning my living room until I spotted a waste belt I bought for working out which inspired me to begin working out at 3:30 am
  
• Began writing this post
  
• Wondered what the hell is wrong with me and why I decided to pull an all nighter for no apparent reason
• Realized that staying up til 5am (again for no apparent reason) and working out gives you a headache
  

Clearly I need help!

Diet Woes

Okay so now a real post, besides just random pictures of my facebook avatar, because damn that was kinda pathetic.

Well I'm on a diet, and I fucking hate it!! I hate having to say no to food that I really really want. I'm currently over 200 lbs, but I carry it well if I do say so myself, but not well enough for me to stop hating my body. I'm just tired of being a big girl, I'm tired of being "thick" I'm tired of not feeling sexy. I just want to be thin, but I know I'll never be thin my body just wasn't built to be thin. But I can be thinner than I am right now. So finally getting tired of being fat I decided to change my eating habits. I'm taking baby steps towards my goal. I already walk 2 miles three times a week to my job, so I figure combine that with better eating habits and eventually some motivation and I will lose weight. I've tried to set up exercise schedules for myself but it doesn't work because I'm not that motivated. Eventually I will exercise in my house, but I hate gyms and am against anyone seeing me in work out clothes. People who don't have serious weight problems don't know what its like to be a big person and go to the gym. I always feel like people are watching me, and judging me. Its intimidating to go into the gym where these skinny minis are jogging on the treadmills and I'm in pain after a short time. I've tried going to the gym when I was in undergrad with my friends, who with the exception of one are a lot thinner than I am and I felt embarrassed. So now I don't do gyms, maybe when I lose some weight and am feeling more comfortable I will but for now its not gonna happen. I'm dieting because I hate being the fat girl, I hate that I hate my body.


Dieting is hard, right now all I want is a cupcake or a cupcake like food. I get these weird cravings for sweet and starchy foods, and nothing really satisfies me but something like that, but part of my diet is seriously cutting back on the sweets. I just ate the last sweet thing in my apt, which was a toaster's strudel pastry. Now my house is sweet free. I bought sugar free Jello for when I want something sweet, and I have only wheat bread products in my house. Wheat English muffins, breads and pastas. I don't have any juice or soda only 5 calorie Crystal light, and water. I'm also drinking water now which my friends know is a big deal. I eat lots of veggies and have cut down on my beef and given up on pork entirely. I'm really trying to make a change, but times like now make that really really hard. So hopefully by the fall I'll be about 50 pounds lighter and a lot happier.