Friday, October 31, 2008


So a couple of nights ago I had this dream, I've forgotten a lot of it but what I do remember is a few details and general feelings and impressions from the dream. I don't really remember the set up but it was me and some other women together in this room. I have the feeling that they were older than me. We were coming together to do something for women, specifically women of color. I remember that we were lost at some point and weren't sure how to proceed. But, then we read something by Audre Lorde that stressed the importance of writing and the way that writing helped to heal the soul. In my dream I remember that we were specifically reading something of hers, and there was definitely the understanding that she was no longer with us. However, I also have the impression that she was there, that she was physically there reciting her words. I definitely had the feeling of peace, love and acceptance from her. What the dream left me with was that it was writing was imperative to the struggle of women of color. So now I feel like writing, and something else besides this blog and my academic work, but I don't know where to go from here.

Thank you Audre

Thursday, October 30, 2008

J Hud

I'm trying to make up for my lack of posting over the last few months.

Clearly everybody has heard about the Jennifer Hudson's tragedy this past weekend. Now this news has really touched me, I feel so bad for her. As you all may know, I am in love with Jennifer Hudson. I think she's cool, beautiful, intelligent and genuine, so I clearly support everything she does. I just was listening to her album, which I highly recommend, and you can tell how much of herself she pours into all of her songs, and to her so much of her voice come through. I feel for her and her family even more. Its bad enough to lose your mother, brother and nephew, but to lose them all at once and in this horrible way is just devastating. I was talking to my best friend about her this past weekend and we both agreed that we feel like we knew her. I find myself wanting do something. I just don't understand how you just take someone else's life so carelessly and especially a child. Whoever did this is going to pay for it and not necessarily here in this lifetime.

I just hope that she finds comfort in this rough time

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Since I've been watching my nephew and walking around with him I've noticed something interesting in the way people react to him. Now he's gorgeous, don't get that wrong, but people only focus on one of two parts of him, his light skin and curly hair. I've always been considered in the middle so I don't really have any experience with being either light or dark and being harassed because of it. But, everytime I go out with my nephew people are always remarking on his "good" hair and how lucky he is to have it, and they also make inferences about his toddler behavior based on his skin tonel. We were in the grocery store and this lady was talking to him and he wasn't responding to her but he was all about this other lady. Then the woman he's ignoring says oh its because she's light . I'm like come on! He's only 1 yrs old, he doesn't know anything about colorism. My family is very diverse in skin tone, economic situation and a multitude of other factors. People don't see that they only se his light skin and curly hair.

He gets his hair texture from his mom and the volume from my brother. My sis in law told me how she was afraid to say that she liked her hair when she was younger because people would assume it was because of the texture. I don't deny that there are still plenty of color struck people out there and unfortunately a lot of Black people suffer for it. But, is it really necessary to place this all on a baby. Also what bothers me is that many people complementing his hair and skin don't have that in common with him, so I always want to ask them what are you saying about yourself? This self hate runs so deep its sickening. My nephew is beautiful and sure his hair and skin play their part because they're connected to him, but they do not make him any better or worst, and I know for damn sure he won't be continuing this vicious cycle.

We are on the cusp of a major breakthrough in American history in possible electing a Black President, but unfortunately this will have little effect on the way we view ourselves. Will Obama's biracial heritage place him above us without that same heritage? What if Michelle, Malia and Sasha were all rocking natural hair styles? What if Obama was closer to Djimon Honsu than Will Smith? These are all things to consider and hopefully it will all end son, but I'm not oppormistic

Meeting people

Yeah so about that whole posting more regularly thing.... I'm so sorry I'm really falling off the ball. It's just hard to blog when I have no privacy at my Brother's place, and I like keeping this blog as private as possible, because once everyone knows that I have a blog I begin to feel more limited in what I can post. Anyway I have a couple of posts that I'm working on, but right now I need some advice, I'm getting kind of desperate here. Please can someone anyone tell me how do you meet someone?!

The problem is that I tend to be very introverted at times and occasionally I get a little burst of extroversion. But, in general I'm very shy. So when I go to events and see a beautiful woman, I can't say anything. I know a lot of Queer folks hit up the clubs, but I'm not the best dancer and become very uncomfortable, unless I'm a little tipsy and meeting someone while drunk really doesn't give off the best first impression. So come on people how do you do it? I just updated my downelink profile, which I'm not too thrilled about because I hate downelink sometimes. There are too many young kids trying to get laid. I'm reaching desperation levels here, now. I jut want to meet a nice girl, it doesn't even have to be romantic I just need some gay friends. so PLEASE HELP!!!

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde