Copy cats suck!!

I'm pissed!!

I was on facebook the other day when I notice that this girl I went to Trinidad with got the exact same tattoo as me, but instead of it on her wrist its on her neck. Now this was no coincidence, she did not just happen upon the same design as me. I posted the picture of my tattoo shortly after I got it and this girl wrote on my wall ooh I want that tattoo. I commented back hehe thanks, and that was it in my mind. Now 7 months later she posts pictures of the exact same tattoo that I have. Now I don't have a common tattoo, I'm sure that there are people in the world with my tattoo, but I think its just tacky to copy the exact same tattoo that someone you know has. I'm so mad, I took time and researched and thought about this and its very personal to me. Now I don't doubt that she appreciates the meaning but this girl doesn't have a track record of being very thoughtful with tattoos. She has a rosary on her foot, mind you she's not catholic and doesn't even believe in God. She has a Sanskrit tattoo on her back that doesn't even mean what she thought. I know this may sound petty but I'm just so mad that she blatantly copied my tattoo.

The original


The copy

Some random randomness

Okay so in my random bum life I have come across a couple of things that make my heart smile.

First AfterEllen hipped me to face your manga so now I can finally reveal a complete head shot for you all to see. Here is the real me lol

Then I have a new blog crush Post homo nuyorican homo. Please go and check her out, I may have to stalk *cough* I mean read her blog a whole lot lol! My love affair began when I read her post that was cross posted on racialicious about the new movie bitch slap, and then has only grown through her coverage of America Ferrera's eye roll, which you have to see for yourself.



and I also loved her post trans representation on TV. So my blog crush is official and you should go and crush.. err I mean enjoy her blog too.

and then finally I've given in, I can no longer resist anymore all the pressure anymore I finally did it. I walked into Barnes and Noble and walked around the kids section, but I didn't see it. So I walked upstairs and still couldn't find it so I had to do it I had to ask the information clerk, I had to say "Uhmmm excuse me, Where are the....... Harry Potter books?" It killed me to actually have to verbalize that I intended to buy a Harry Potter book. I tried to make up for it by buying another novel, that wasn't in the kids section so I bought Babyji by Abha Dawesar. I read it in one day, it was really good, I highly suggest you buy it. So now I'm reading the first Harry Potter and it isn't horrible lol. I'm so ashamed lol

oh and random hot athlete pic in honor of the Olympics. I introduce to you Natasha Kai, oh and she's Queer! I love a woman with tattoos!!

Black People can swim!!

So its time for the Olympics, and I'm watching even thoush I said I wouldn't. I really wanted to make a principled moral stand, but I suck sometimes. Am I really the only weak one out there? Have you ever wanted to boycott something in entertainment and not been able to? Maybe I'm really to weak. Anyway enough with my weakness. back to the Olympics so this is the only time I get really patriotic. I just finished watching the men's 4x 100 relay. I love swimming so I try to watch most of the races, but this one was especially important because of Cullen Jones.

Its very rare for people of color to be major contenders in swimming and then Cullen Jones makes the Olympic team. The best part is that we won! smashed a world record and beat the French who were talking trash *cough* I mean we won and beat the highly favored French (that sounds less aggressive right?). Anyway I was so excited and into this race. Cullen Jones is only the 2nd African American to win Gold in the Olympics and mind you the first was Anthony Ervin in 2000. Believe it or not Ervin is Black, Native American and Jewish, Black comes in all different colors.


Cullen is also the third Black swimmer to make the Olympic team, Anthony Ervin was the first followed by Maritza Correia.

Maritza Correia is the first Black Puerto Rican to make the team, which is also great, because I've noticed that even in Countries with large populations of POC you only see the white members, like Australia and South Africa.

Okay if it wasn't enough that these three are making moves in the swimming world, but Maritza and Cullen are also dating! How great is that?! Cullen and Maritza are also committed to helping out the community. They're working on a documentary about Black swimmers called parting the waters. Read more here

I'm excited that he won the gold but unfortunately that was his only race for this Olympics.
So I'm a little excited if you couldn't tell lol. So am I the only one watching? Which are your favorite events?

Stop the Orange people

I had to put up this pic I found on TMZ and no I normally don't visit that site, but I'm glad I did today. This is further evidence of a new emerging race, the race of orange people. I think TMZ has spotted their leader, and I'm sorry they need to be stopped! Stop the Orange people!!
h/t TMZ

Friends

This is sort of a follow up to my last post. Yesterday I reconnected with one of my friends from undergrad, we'll call her C. We weren't really close, but we were definitely friends. I definitely think that we weren't closer friends because she made me very uncomfortable, because she was so comfortable with being a lesbian and I was so not. Well yesterday we finally caught up on AIM. I haven't come out to her because I really don't know why, I was afraid that she'd hold up some gay measuring stick and mark me as a clear fail. I think this is due in part to a real experience I had with this girl. She was bi and I was excited and was like oh cool another Black Queer woman and when she found out that I was a virgin. She said that I couldn't really be sure since I've never been with a man or woman sexually. She even went so far as to tell me to stop calling myself a lesbian. Unfortunately I was really drunk during the last statement so it registered a little late for me to get pissed. Anyway I was talking to C and I got a huge amount of anxiety about coming out to her, and then I finally just did it and she was completely cool and amazing of course. It really got me wondering why I was so afraid in the first place. It felt so good to talk to another Black lesbian about coming out and everything and she really just get it. She moved to my state recently and offered to be my gay club buddy. So that made me really happy.

Despite my excitement about a great coming out experience it reminds me of my friend who I've subsequently fallen out of touch with because of her inability to accept me as I am. I'm still grieving the loss of our friendship and that friend. I feel like I should be over it since its been a while, but it still hurts when I think about where we are now. What really pisses me off is that she was able to talk with C about her being a Black lesbian and all the various labels, but with me she can't. It just reminds of how funny friendships are, all of my friends except her have been amazing and supportive, so I guess that says a lot about the nature of our friendship. We went on spring break together our senior year and a couple weeks ago she texts me and says that she was looking at the pictures and remembering the great time we had and then she ends the text with love you guys. I really wanted to respond and say who does she love? Not the real me, but the conservative Christian me, waiting to find a good man, and denying a part of herself. I just left it alone, and I'm just going to focus on my supportive friends like C. Coming out really shows you who your real friends are.

Beware!! Lesbian processing

So I've missed 2 important dates, My bloggeversary and the anniversary of me coming out. I started this blog 2 years ago trying to process "my dilemma" as I was calling it, because I was too afraid to even type the words lesbian or gay. The whole idea of me being gay was terrifying and I felt so very alone. Blogging really helped me find a community which was amazing and really helped me in those early months.

So now its been 2 years and I'm reflecting on everything and I feel like I should be at a different point than I am, I feel like I'm sort of beginning again. So let me back track a little bit, I count my official coming out as July 10, 2006 because that is when I first told my best friend and she was the first person who actually knows me in real life to know. At that time I just graduated from undergrad and was about to start my graduate program and move to a random ass southern city. At the time I was really looking forward to getting out of my home state of CT and from a lot of the people I knew because them knowing me was suffocating. Everyone had this perception of who I was, the good little Christian girl who did not curse, think about sex let alone have a sexuality, drink or do anything worldly ( you should have seen the uproar my first tattoo caused). That was just too much so I figured a change of scenery would be good. In hindsight I think that was the wrong decision. I left an area where I had someone who was showing me around all the Queer areas and guiding me to go to an area where I knew no one. When I left my hometown I was still in a place of trying to be what a lesbian was supposed to be like, which led me to do a lot of compromising. In my program I was the only Queer person there, and had to carry the weight of a whole community I still didn't fully understand. My program was very hostile and these past 2 years have been some of the hardest I've ever had to deal with. There were some nice moments while I was away but in general I was completely miserable, and this consequently sent me into a nice depression that I'm still working on emerging from.

I realized that when you're coming out you really need someone there to lead you along, show you the community, let you know you're not a freak and really be that shoulder. I definitely wouldn't have made it had it not been for my hetero friends, but your hetero friends can be very supportive ultimately I think you need another Queer person there. Because unless you've gone through this process you have no idea what it's like, and you can't ever fully relate. So I didn't have the gay guru when I was in grad school so I've been fumbling my way through this whole process and now that I'm home and confronting everything that I was running from before I feel like I'm back at square 1. However, being in such a hostile environment has given me more assurance in my identity and I'm definitely not going through the whole I don't know why the fuck I feel this way thing anymore. I know I'm a lesbian and I'm completely happy with it, its just that now I have to deal with this whole outside world, which is the annoying part. I'm searching for a community here either in CT or in NYC. I'm learning to deal with being the gay kid in my family and feeling like I fit, but not really because I'm not like everyone else. These are all things that I think I would have been farther along if I had not moved. Now I'm having to come out ot people who I'm not close with, and others that I hadn't said anything to, like my only Black Lesbian friend in College. Oddly its slightly harder to come out to Queer folks who knew me when I was a Super Christian.

Anyway so here I am 2 years out, and still learning, still growing and if there was any doubt to me being a Lesbian this long ass processing post should be evidence lol.

Oh Baby!

So my mom picked up my nephew for the weekend, and this little boy absolutely melts my heart. He is too adorable! He's such an easy going baby, he doesn't fuss and the way he laughs at me makes me feel like I'm the funniest person in the world. This past weekend I spent sometime with both my nephew and my godson, my godson mind you has puss and boots eyes. He's really going to cause me to give him whatever he wants because when he looks at me with those eyes I'm powerless. My nephew has long eyelashes and killer dimples, so basically I'm ready to empty my bank account if they ask me to.

My mom is so excited because she has another vegetarian in the house, even if he is only 10 months old. So I'm on baby duty pretty much, but I don't mind, he's just that cute. Right now as I'm sitting here he is knocked out on my bed. I was gonna let him stay in my bed, just so I don't have to wake him to move him, but he may be small but he can hog a bed. But, the main point of this post is looking at him and my Godson, I just wonder how could anyone ever hurt a child? I know all babies aren't as easy going, but how can you look down at that little person and want to seriously cause them harm?

Look at my beautiful nephew in the car with his cool shades on

I fell in love Sunday Night

I just had the amazing pleasure of seeing Lenelle Moise in her play Expatriate. It was amazing, hands down the best play I've ever seen. The descriptions I've seen of the play don't do it justice. The play is more than the story of 2 women who leave the U.S. to escape all the various isms in the U.S. Its really about the very real and complicated relationship between 2 longtime friends Claudie and Althine. I absolutely fell in love with the main character Claudie. I identified with her so much minus lusting after the best friend. She was so real and troubled. I love how Lenelle Moise was able to show how someone can have a life's worth of baggage and issues and still manage to be a whole person. Then there is Althine who is such a familiar character. I feel like everyone has an Althine in their life. You watch Althine go down this self destructive path and you are rooting for her the whole time. the combination of supeb acting and amazing music completely pulled you in. The fusion of jazz, and jazz influenced music just captivated me. The play starred Lenelle Moise and also Karla Mosley who played Althine. Mosley was amazing (I know how many times can I use amazing, but there really is no other word to describe this play). Karla Mosley really owned the character of Althine she made you feel everything Althine was. I will give away that Althine does struggle with addiction, and Karla Mosley played the cracked out singer role so well I felt like I was watching Whitney Houston on Being Bobby Brown. I found myself sitting there and just wondering how I managed to see this amazing play. I wondered how did she create this piece. I love how Claudie is a Lesbian in the play and sexuality is definitely a large part of this work, but its not the only piece. It is not a tragic coming out story, or the same tired story of the poor lesbian forever lusting after her unsuspecting best friend.

Even though Karla Mosley was stunning, I have fallen completely in love with Lenelle Moise, seriously COMPLETELY in love with her. I love a strong intelligent beautiful woman, and Lenelle Moise is all that and more. She not only starred in the play but she also wrote and composed it. I was lucky enough to get a front row center seat for the play and at one point she glanced down and her eyes were piercing. I saw all the passion and emotion she brought to this role. I went on the night where there was a talk back session about Black Queer protagonists and when she came back out she literally took my breath away she was so stunning. I sat there and just soaked up everything she said. Afterward I shook her hand and I got a picture taken with her, but I get so star struck I couldn't say all I wanted to. I wanted to tell her how much this play touched me, even now its hard to describe. I've been really going through a rough time lately and battling some serious bouts depression, and seeing me reflected back not only in the play but in the wonderful example of a strong beautiful Black Queer woman that is Lenelle Moise, really made me feel so much better. She was so nice when I spoke to her briefly and incoherently (damn my starkstruckness!) I was so nervous I forgot to introduce myself and she asked my name and when she asked I was like why would you even care who I am. But, she is that down earth not just putting up with annoying fans. If stalking wasn't annoying, creepy, illegal and a real turn off I would so stalk her lol! If anyone is in the NYC area and wants to go, but doesn't want to go alone I will go with you, because if I bring its less stalkerish....right? lol
But in all seriousness she was able to put together such a beautiful piece of art that didn't just entertain me, but it touched me. Lenelle and Sharon Bridgeforth were talking about the importance of making positive life choices and choosing to be healthy, and I needed to hear that.
After going to this play I felt the way I do when I go to a U People event, I felt at home.

drunk post

I am drunk at la escuelita in NYC having a great time but I decided to document my drunkeness online. So its official my first and most likely last drunk post. Merry christmas and a happy new year. I haven't been drunk in 2 months by the way

Sober edit:
Yeah so I thought it would be a great idea to post while I was drunk and at the club from my phone. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea, that last drink DEFINITELY wasn't a good idea as I found out on Sunday, but hey I'm all about being young and irresponsible for a while. However, I don't think I'll be drinking like that for a while, hangovers are not fun at all.

New Music

New Music!!

So I just discovered the wonderfulness that is Adele!

The UK is really doing there thing, Amy Winehouse, Leona Lewis and now Adele. As much as I love Amy Winehouse I think Adele might be gaining on her in my heart. Adele isn't completely strung out on drugs, doesn't have any racist videos circulating, she's beautiful, she's plus sized and can sing her ass off. I love when she was asked about losing weight she said she would lose weight when it began to interfere with her sex life!

So some of my favorite songs from her album are

Her big single Chasing Pavements



Right as Rain



Daydreamer, which is not only beautiful, but also written about her bisexual boyfriend who left her for a man. What I love is that it doesn't go the previous routes of bisexual men in r&b songs. Examples A & B. But enjoy a beautiful song



and hands down my favorite song on the whole album Melt my heart to stone.




Thanks again to the wonderful people at U People, I've again discovered another great artist Joy Denalane. The June mix by DJ Lunaceptive features a song by her not on her album called Torch of Freedom which is amazing! So I did research and absolutely love her whole album. She's talented, beautiful, and conscious. What more can you ask for?!
My favorites are

Heaven or Hell



Stranger in this land




Let Go





and Sometimes Love



She's German, and I wish I knew German because she sounds great. Here's a song of hers in German called Sag´s Mir.



I have no idea what she said but didn't it sound great?


She also represents for her South African roots in the song Soweto '76-'06. There's an English version on her Album Born and Raised, but here's the video from the German version but with subtitles.

Color Quiz

Surprisingly accurate

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting n..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Jurnee, Jurnee, Jurnee

I just watched the Great Debaters which was excellent by the way, but I was definitely distracted by the beauty that is Jurnee Smollett. You may remember her as the little girl from Eve's Bayou. This was her then

and this is her now

All I can say is DAMN she's beautiful! I may just have to invite her into my circle of Love. What is my circle of love you may ask? well its just the nice arrangement my many wives and I have, that allows us to all get along wonderfully.

Anyways more pictures of Jurnee is definitely required.


* now the pin up pic may not be the most progressive, but you can't deny how beautiful she looks*

Lenelle Moise

So I was working on this post about how I'm tired of being the gay kid at home, but then I got onto youtube thanks to Evolving, looking at videos of Lenelle Moise and OH MY GOODNESS! I'm in love! She's wonderful! She's also Haitian which makes my bootleg Haitian self happy. So instead of finishing that post today I'm gonna post some wonderful vids of Lenelle Moise. Madivinez is my new favorite word and now officially the 2nd word I know in Creole .

baby on the way

Right now I'm in the hospital with my cousin as she's getting induced. She's doing really well so far handling the pain and everything.
Now I know she's only 16 but people shouldn't assume she doesn't know what she's in for. This white male nurse comes in and talks to her like she's an idiot then he asks if she remembers the doctor that's going to induce her. He proceeds to describe her as "a Black girl". I was too through, but I tried to be calm for my cousin, but I was too aggravated. So now I'm waiting with my family for our newest member to arrive. Trying not to kill any one

Missing in Action

So I've been a little MIA lately because so much has happened. I moved out of the hell that was my southern city. I defended my thesis...successfully? I have some major revisions to do but I haven't had the time/motivation. I'm also home finally! The move was a grueling 16 hour drive, it usually only takes about 13-14 but for some reason it took so much longer. I'm still in the process of unpacking which is taking longer than it needs to. This is partly due to the fact that I don't have any motivation to do anything besides play board games with my family. We've been playing monopoly, Life, Uno, Crazy eights and Bull Shit. I killed in Monopoly the first game, but then lost miserably, but its been fun playing with my little cousins and my sister. What's funny is that during life I was the only one who didn't land on a tile to have any children, figure the dyke is discriminated against lol.
My little cousin was due on tuesday so she's now 3 days over due and so ready for this baby to be born. I've gone to 2 appointments and seen her get a sonogram and hear the baby's heartbeat. It was pretty cool I was dancing to the heartbeat. I find it hard to believe that she's going to be a mother soon. She's only 16 but ready or not she's gonna be a mommy. The father has skipped out of the picture, he pops in every now and then but is nowhere near as involved as he claimed he was going to be. But, she's handling it well, she's gonna be a good mom. I going to be in the room when she delivers and I'm not sure how I feel about that, I don't really want to see all of that. I saw a video when I was in the 7th grade and it seriously made me want to reconsider having children, and now I'm at a point in my life where I'm not sure I want to have kids. I really like kids, but I'm definitely not in a place where I feel like I want to be responsible for another person, someone who is really depending on me for everything... that's scary. Anyway I'm slowly emerging from my family seclusion and should be posting more soon.

I'm done with Black Studies

Not only am I done with Black studies but I'm done with Black solidarity. Let me explain what I mean, I'm not done with caring about and supporting my people but no longer will I do so at my own expense. For the past 2 years I have been pursuing a masters degree in Black Studies, and during these 2 years I have had to deal with a ridiculous amount of bias because not only am I a Black woman, but I'm also a lesbian.
My department tries to appear as if they're open and accepting towards non heterosexuals but they're not. I've had to fight just to pursue my research interest and when I produce this research I've had to work 10 times harder than anyone else to show that it is legitimate research. I've had to be the lone voice arguing against heterosexist scholars that we read, but I've also had to deal with harassment because at the time of my entry I was the only out person in the department. To my knowledge in the 5 years that the graduate program has existed I was the first openly queer student. The lack of Queer people in this department has made the faculty complacent in ignoring all issues regarding sexuality. So when it comes time for me to write my thesis and I want to investigate Black Butch Lesbians all I get is resistance. The chair who reluctantly agreed to chair my thesis knows nothing about gender theory, so I've received no critiques of my argument. She's been completely hostile and disorganized the entire time that I've been writing this damned thesis. I've had to listen to her berate me and my work while she's barely read any of it. But did I complain? No. Why? Because I wanted to support my black people and didn't want to cause a commotion, but I'm done with that. I'm tired of being silent because I didn't want to cause problems for Black people who could care less about me, which was evident by the way they treat me. I wish this was the first time that I've had to deal with shit like this, but no I've had to put up with this same shit from my cohort and an entire conference on Black Studies. A friend of mine presented on how a lot of Black women and Black Queer people have left Black studies to do their research in other departments because Black Studies is so hostile. I am about to join the rest of them because I'm tired, I don't think I can take the abuse anymore. I'm tired of being tokenized or ignored in the discipline that is supposed to represent me. I know women's studies can be just as hostile towards women of color - as evidenced by the whole Andrea Smith debacle- but I'm tired. It seems that while women's studies has a tendency to be very white it seems like they at least try to be more inclusive, while Black studies could care less. When I go to reapply to PhD programs at this point the only Black Studies PhD program I'll be applying to is Northwestern because they have a real demonstrated commitment to Queer people and doing research outside of the heteronormative box. So I'm done, I'm tired and I'm pissed! And when I'm finally done with this thesis process I'm complaining to the dean, because this can not continue.

I'm done with Black Studies

The saturday from hell

So I wake up saturday excited for a new day, I decided to make a real breakfast. I bought some cornbeef hash which reminded my of my childhood, hooked it up with some eggs and my famous homefries. I'm all excited my food is done and looks great. So instead of sitting at my dining room table i want to eat in my living room, so as I'm walking to the living room I trip over my mop and knock it further in my way. Then I smash my toes against the mop and it HURT like hell! I was like damn I banged my foot good, then I look at my toe and I see a little bruise that's growing and getting darker. Then I look at it and wonder has my middle toe always been a little crooked, I don't think so. I've also never had a stubbed toe hurt this much before. It hurts so bad I feel nautious and I feel like crying - I don't cry... EVER! -- but it hurt that bad. So being the rational 24 year old woman I am, I call my mommy. She agrees its probably broken, so I decide to go to the ER and have a professional look at it, I don't want to have a crooked toe forever. So I hobble to the bathroom shower and get dressed. Then I call for a cab, and the phone just rings and rings and rings. Then I find another number and finally get a cab to come. A few minutes later I get a call the cab is outside he's a little confused and tells me to come out. I walk outside and don't see a cab, then I look down the street and see it about a block away from my house. So I hobble down the block to this damn cab and I'm in pain and he wants to make conversation, clearly I'm not in the mood. I ask him to take me to the ER and this idiot takes me to another entrance so I have to walk through this damn hospital to get to the ER.
Fortunately I didn't have to wait long to be seen only about 30 mins. I don't know why when I have a broken to does everyone decide they want to walk me all over the damn hospital, but I have to walk to the most out of the way area. They check me out take me to get an X ray and this ass of an x ray tech needs to get a side view of my toe, so he needs to put a tongue depresser to push my toe up. At first he was gentle, and then for some reason he forgets he's xraying my toe because its most likely broken. This mother fucker starts wiggling my broken toe around like its a fucking piece of clay. I'm clutching the damn x ray table in an effort to not clutch his throat. Can someone please explain why he needed a little led vest while he was holding the tongue depresser from hell and I didn't get one. Anyway I finally get back to the exam room and they confirm my toe is broken and then they tell me that I get to have a fucking munster shoe and crutches. Then the nurse comes to figure out what size for this damn shoe and he feels the need to comment on how big my feet are, because that was fucking necessary! His ignorant country ass had the nerve to say woo doggie, that's a big foot. Who says shit like that! I'm finally free from this damn hospital, and I call the cab again. Now this cab couldn't come to the entrance I told them, no he had to park down a huge fucking slope, do you know how hard it is to manage crutches down a slope? So this is how I spent my wonderful saturday, now I feel trapped in my house. Because, walking too much hurts my toe, but I can't manage these damn crutches. So how was your weekend?

Look at my sexy new footwear

My Wifey Won!!

MY WIFEY WON!!!

Thanks to all who voted, my wife Rose Rollins won the Downelink.com Hottest Down and out character!!!
Thank you all for ensuring continued marital bliss!

I have been kidnapped by Octavia Butler!

I have been kidnapped by Octavia Butler!

Her words completely have me held captive. It all started out when I suggested that my friend read some of her works, for a summer read. She didn't start with the suggested Kindred, but instead went straight to Dawn. She was so into it that I had to pick it up. I was lucky enough to find the whole series neatly packaged in Lilith's Brood. I really liked Dawn, I liked Adulthood Rites but it turned out to be a little intense at times, but I devoured Imago. That was by far my favorite.

I already had Parable of the Sower and Fledgling in my house but hadn't gotten to them yet. But, after falling in love with the Xenogenesis trilogy I went and bought all the Octavia Butler I could find. I bought the Wild Seed and The parable of the Talents. After finishing Lilith's Brood/ Xenogenesis trilogy I dove into the Parable of the Sower and OH MY GOD! I can't put it down. I have to literally pull myself away from it, but its so hard I'm so completely enthralled by her words.
She's such an amazing writer! Its a shame she's passed on and once I finish her works there will be no more new ones. I've purposefully not told you anything about these books, because if you haven't read them then this is the best way to begin, without knowing any background. So don't walk but run and pick up everything she's written and sit back and enjoy. Also don't read the back of the book, which I know is only going to tempt you, but the back of Parable of the Sower gives away something you don't find out until halfway through the book.

Word on the street is that she was also a Lesbian, which from this picture, doesn't surprise me.

Yes I'm being stereotypical, but you know you were thinking it too!

I can't pull myself away from the Parable of the Sower any longer, so I'm going back to finish it.

Hot 100

After Ellen's Hot 100 is finally up! My wife made a big jump and I'm very happy about that. She's not #1 like she should be, but she knows she's always #1 in my book.

I'm not feeling Tina Fey as #1 especially after her whole bitch is the new black bull shit. I also don't find her hot, but clearly a lot of other people do. However, Sara Ramirez made a big jump to #8 which is amazing and completely deserved. I was shocked that America Ferrera wasn't on the list this year.

So here are some of the women I voted for:

Rose Rollins aka My wife

I don't really need to go into again why she's HOT! Besides the fact that she really is beautiful, she's smart and funny and very down to earth. Also we're getting married duh!

America FerreraI was shocked she didn't make the list this year, she's beautiful! I love her even though she has poor taste in politicians. Last year she was 30 and she just fell off this year.

Sara RamirezBeautiful! Gay friendly! Now playing a Queer character, Sexy! Intelligent! The list goes on and on!

Olive Demetrius and Hanifah Walidah

Olive's shout out aside, they're amazing! Beautiful, intelligent really committed to the community. Made an amazing Documentary which I cited as much as I could remember in my thesis. They're just Great! They didn't make the list but they are included in the video commentary, which is hilarious.

Staceyann ChinShe is definitely beautiful! Completely bad ass, out spoken, opinionated and all around amazing!

Cathy DeBuonoI love Cathy, she has a great Vlog on AfterEllen where she gives out great advice. She's HOT! Rides a motorcycle and just seems like a great human being. Some haters on AE like to make some not so nice comments about her, but they're all crazy. She's AMAZING!!!

I'm famous ya'll

Okay not really but you all know that I love U People and everything they do and faithfully watch their vlog. Well today's new vlog featured the amazing Zanele Muholi. I've posted about her before and she's just amazing. Anyways while I'm enjoying the wonderfulness that is Olive and Hanifah and Olive gives me a shout out! She mentioned me and I actually screamed in my apartment, it actually went more like OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Lol So if you haven't already experienced the wonderfulness that is the U People click play below.







Also if you're in the NYC area you have to go to their Brooklyn Pride performance on June 12th. The other love of my life Staceyann Chin will be performing along with Hanifah and Shelley Nicole's Blakbushe. I've seen them both perform and you're in for an amazing performance go and watch me be incredible jealous. Click the pic for more info

Callica

Okay I don't know if you can tell but Grey's Anatomy last night blew my mind!! Here's a wonderful fanvid put together. Yay Callica!!!

OH MY GOD!!!

I was actually writing up a post about one of my other wives Mia Michaels, but I had to stop because OH SHIT!! Grey's Fucking Anatomy!!!

If you haven't seen the season finale yet you are missing out, it was amazing!! Spoilers ahead for those who don't want to know.


but Callie and Hahn!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! AMAZING!!! I really hope they keep this relationship up!!

Did you guys watch? What did you think? I loved every minute of the episode.

Sara Ramirez kissing another woman!!! Its too much for my heart to handle. Laura how are you doing?


edit:
I've added some pictures I've gotten from AfterEllen you should also go over their and read their more coherent recap.

10 million animals

In an attempt to not blog about my recent bout of depression, I'm going to poll all my Queer female readers. What is it with same sex couples and pets? Now I am not a pet person, I'm more a plant person I have 6 plants and they all have names, Audre, Assata 2.0, Angela, Betty, Coretta and Frida. I'm pretty sure you can figure out where the names came from, but I pretty much watch anything with lesbians in it, because that's how I've found community, but all the reality shows where there's a lesbian coouple they always have like 10 million pets.. ok I'm exaggerating but you get the point. So here's my question, do you have pets? If so how many? And why all the damn animals?

Now don't get me wrong I like animals.... just not near me. For real though let me know.

Did you hear?!

Did you hear? Did you hear?!
California Supreme Court overturns ban on Gay marriage!!!
I don't know if you know this, but my wife lives in California and its a big deal for us. So we may be able to get married in her state.

So while that's great, she's also nominated for a New Now Next Award... So it would really help the relationship if she won, you know she's happy, I'm happy , wedding goes smoothly so go here and vote for her multiple times. If she isn't motivation enough

Do it for our daughter yet to be born Audre... Isn't she beautiful?

Crush is BACK!!!

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I absolutely LOVE American Gladiators!!

I'm watching the season 2 premiere now and I'm so excited here are some notables!

joining the gladiators we have last season's winner Jet

We have the lovely Siren

and of course my all time favorite Crush

But, I'm not anti male, outside of Crush my favorites are Toa and Wolf. They really get into it, and Wolf really embodies his character. They're tough, but the women are a lot rougher.

Toa

and I absolutely LOVE Wolf!

I hope you're watching because everyone loves a little aggression!!

Allergies...shoot me!

Allergies are currently kicking my ass!!! Shoot me

Help a Sista out!

Okay its community building time!
All of us Queer folks know how difficult coming out is, whether you've done it or are dreading it. So I just read over at Jasmyne Cannick's site about a Black Lesbian sister who just came out and it didn't go so well. She's been cut off financially and has graduation coming up with no way to pay. So if you guys can spare a few dollars, it'd really help. Follow this link to the original post to learn more about her story and how to help.

Vote for my wife!!

Vote For My Wife!!

In After Ellen's hot 100

They're trying to find out who Lesbian and bi ladies think is hot, let them know ROSE!!!

Thesis ahh

Sorry for the delay in posting but thesis has taken over my life.

This picture is so true!

Attraction

So I've been thinking a lot about attraction lately. I used to be really into trying to figgure out my type, and I realized that I don't really have one, but I have started to notice some trends and some oddities. I think I like older women, and I do tend to go for more butch women, but I tend to not like too masculine. There needs to be a nice balance. But lately I've become more aware of what type of person I'm attracted to, and the nature of attraction in general.
A couple of situations have led me to understand my attraction more clearly. A couple of weeks ago I was at a mini conference and there was this woman who I was really attracted to. There was just something about her that I was drawn to and I have no idea what it was. It definitely wasn't her physical appearance, she was the epitome of not my type, whatever it is. But, there was something very appealing about her. There was something about her spirit that really drew me to her. It was definitely internal. I'm also working on my thesis and I'm focusing on Black Butch Lesbians and in order to gain data I've been using a lot of documentaries to bring in experience. So I watched Venus Boyz which wasn't really helpful as a whole except for two women, Dred and Storme Webber, and Storme more so than Dred because she always presents masculine. Anyways Storme again had that something about her, like I said before I tend to not like too masculine, but she was just so appealing. Both of the women that I spoke about before are considerably older than me. I just turned 24 and both of these women are well into their 40's. The woman I met at the conference I would never really try and talk to, but she was still attractive. Now Storme I'd holla with the quickness. She has such a quiet spirit about her, I'm surrounded by so many fake people and she seemed very real and grounded and to have a deeper understanding of everything. Maybe that's what I'm attracted to in older women, that they seem like they just get it.
This brings me to my latest little crush, Dr. G Love. I first saw Dr. G Love on the U People Vlog on After Ellen where they announced that she was going to have her own advice vlog. Last night they posted the first one, but its actually been taken down for some reason. Now Dr. G Love I do find attractive and she also has that grounded personality that I find so appealing. I don't know how much older than me she is, but damn! I was so impressed that I actually had a quite lovely dream about her that I shall be keeping to myself.

So when it comes to my type I'm still not sure what it exactly is, but the woman needs to be down to earth. She can't be to into her appearance, I'm not saying she needs to look like a bum, but not flashy not a lot going on. She just needs to be able to rock her natural beauty. NO HAIR WEAVES!! That is a deal breaker for me, I can deal with a perm, but if you've got a weave you've gone too far. I like natural women, she needs to care about the environment and the world in general. She needs to be culturally aware. There are a lot more characteristics that I can add, but I'm just going to stop here.

So what are you attracted to? Do you have a type? What is it?

shout out to Evolving for a good post on attraction that reminded me I needed to finish this one.

edit: they put the Dr. G Love video back up. Go check it out

Newsflash to Nextel

Newsflash to Nextel!!
there are Female Firefighters, there's a reson why we say firefighters and not firemen. Thanks!

Isn't she lovely!

Look at my baby on the cover of Curve this month! I feel like a teenybopper I want to cut out the pictures and paste them on the wall. She's so beautiful!! You're all invited to our wedding in South Africa!

The Burden of Neat hair

August 30th will mark 6 years of having my locs. I absolutely love my locs currently they are the only thing about my body that I really love. When I first loc'd my hair they were very thick, but I've noticed that they're getting thinner and thinner. For the most part its not a problem because they're still fairly thick. But, the reason why they're getting thinner is because about every two weeks I retwist my hair. I follow this schedule for several reasons, the first being that 2 weeks is the normal hair washing schedule and once I wash them they are in desperate need of re twisting. Sometimes I get lazy and the push that I need to re twist usually comes from me having to wear a scarf for a while because me hair doesn't look neat. I've been complimented many times on my locs and its always in reference to how long and neat they are, basically this is the only "acceptable" way to have locs. Everyone wants to emphasize how mine look so much better than those other people's whose locs are so messy and thick.
When I originally loc'd my hair it was out of desire to have a more permanant natural hair style. After years of breaking off my hair than regrowing it I decided to stop perming my hair. I wanted to keep my hair natural but had no idea how that would be accomplished. So following in the footsteps of my 2 older siblings I loc'd my hair, the same person who started their's also started mine , my sister in law. As time has gone by I have begun to cherish the way that they have come out and I love how they show how beautiful natural hair is. I've had to twist a few locs together because they were getting thin, and I know that the answer is to not re twist so often. But, as much as I want to tell all those people who talk about "neat" locs to go fuck themselves, I still feel compelled to fall in line with the neat locs society. I don't know wish me luck in not twisting my hair for at least a month, and hopefully I can begin to reverse the affects of this brainwashing.