Procrastination quizzes

40%

Given that I have a 40% chance of surviving, I'm gonna go with my friend's plan in the event of a zombie attack you'll find me with a bottle pills, a bottle of alcohol and some music. I'm going out like a rock star!

17

The funniest part about this quiz is that I have a friend who was actually jumped by a bunch of 5 year olds. I'm glad I could take 17 of them out lol

Spring Break Randomness

Some random thoughts from my sucky spring break

1. I don't know what the hell to do with my hair! My locs have hit a growth spurt, after 5 years I've realized that there come times where I really notice my locs and its always when they reach a length milestone. For example when they finally hit my neck, I smacked myself for a good month before I got used to them. This past summer they hit the middle of my back, and now they're just long and I have no idea what to do.
2. Being rejected by all the schools you applied to really SUCKS!!
   
3. White people are really nice to you when they know that you're going to spend a lot of money in their store.
   
4. I had a dream that me and Tasha from the L word were a couple and Alice was jealous. Yes it was Tasha and Alice not Rose Rollins and Leisha Hailey. That dream was so nice I've been using it to bring my happiness in the midst of this sucky sucky spring break.
   
5. Oh SHIT!! I'm gonna be 24 at the end of the month.
6. Marvita is the reason I continue to watch top model this season.
   
7. Dani Campbell being on the cover of curve made me feel like I was 13 and it was the new issue of Word Up!
   

I'm a dork and I'm okay with that

Excuse me while I whip out my dork hat..... But, I am a HUUUGE Sailor Moon fan!!

Seriously I loved Sailor Moon when I was younger, and then I found out that the whole entire series can be seen online at youtube and veoh. It took me a while but I finally got through the first season and then I made it through the second, skipping through a few episodes. But, I haven't enjoyed any season like the third! First we have the introduction of Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus who are .... LESBIANS!!! Wooo Hooo !! Here are some pics of them

how butch is Uranus!
But, despite her Butch exterior she has a little femme in her too!










And she's got all the girls swooning, even Sailor Jupiter developed a little crush (who I called as being gay from the beginning!)





Check out her high femme girlfriend Sailor Neptune



Besides the mere presence of Lesbian characters, I really like how they've been treated. Its just sort of no big deal. At first all the other Sailor scouts thought Uranus was a guy. But, they haven't shunned them at all. They actually want to be like them and so far Jupiter and Sailor Moon have found comfort in Sailor Uranus' arms. I also love that in one episode Sailor Jupiter talked about how hard she tries to conform to gender norms.

Unfortunately, most of this has been cut out of the English dubbed version, so you have to watch it in Japanese with subtitles. Which, isn't bad because they got a new voice actress for Sailor moon and her voice is like finger nails on a chalk board.

But despite my love for Sailor Moon I will never go this far!










So thank you for indulging my Sailor Moon obsession, and go watch all of the episodes now!!

Beauty in an Ugly world

I just realized that it's been a while since I've posted pictures of beautiful women, and with such an ugly world we need some beauty.

Now I'm not really all into Angelina Jolie, but I loove tattoos and this picture below is too HOT!
As some of you may know America's next top model is back! They've also corrected a mistake they made last year in getting rid of Marvita. She is beautiful and a little butch, she also sets off my limited gaydar any way here's her picture from last week. She walked out and my mouth dropped, she's so beautiful. Marvita call me!!

I was trying to find a picture of Lucia Rijker that's in the new Curve, because OH MY GOD! Does she look fine, but since I can't find that one I'm gonna post an old one.


and of course I can't forget my wife, in this beautiful pic from Vibe that I stole from greyday because she gets all the hookups

Words for gentrification

I am an HGTV nut! I love HGTV, all the property shows like National Open house, House Hunters all of them. But, what I've noticed is all the different ways that they've tried to cover up gentrification. My top three are:

1. Pioneering neighborhood
2. Up in coming
3. Neighborhood in transition

I love how they come up with new words to hide their removal of poor mainly Brown people from these neighborhoods. Since we're coming up with new words how about "forceful encouragement of heterosexuality" for homophobia.

thoughts in theory class

I'm currently in my feminist theory class, and we're talking about Judith Butler. We're talking about the assumptions and generalizations in feminist discourse. We talked about the assumptions in the works of hooks and Riche, and it got me wondering, how can you write without marginalizing and othering some group?

As someone who wants to research and produce works about Women of color. How do I not do what I criticize other people for doing? are generalizations inevitable?

Marginalize This!!

I am so fucking tired of this election season!!
I just watched the Gay Agenda vlog over on After Ellen but its also up at the visible vote and After Elton. In it they asked the insightful comment of whether it was more radical to have a woman president or an African American man. Yes, they didn't qualify woman with white, because white is THE race and doesn't need to be qualified. I'm so tired of this thinking I'm posting below part of my comment that I left up there.

Let me start off by saying no I don't think that Clinton should withdraw, I really don't think the race has reached that point yet. But what really bothers me is the way that so many people especially Clinton supporters act as if Race is not an issue anymore in this country and this race. Well it is an issue when they want to claim some mystical Black card that the Clintons supposedly got so many years ago.

Is it more radical to have a woman than an African American man? was the question you asked, well tell me this does Clinton have no race? Why does Barack get a racial qualifier and Clinton doesn't? Is her womanhood raceless? Does she have no racial privilege? Oh I'm sorry apparently white privilege doesn't exist anymore, only male privilege.

I don't really care about you being objective or not, but just as you accuse of the media of having a bias towards Obama and ignoring the sexism directed towards Clinton. You two are completely ignoring any racial implications involved in this race. Simply posing the question of is it more radical to have a woman or an African American male. Is building on the assumption that sex oppression is somehow worst than race based oppression. This thinking is what has led to the continued marginalization of Women of color.

I wish that they were the only ones who were doing this, but no Christine Craft manages to be even more offensive in an article for SF Gate. Some of my favorite parts are

While sexism hasn't had the same hideous history of lynchings as its companion "ism," the case can be made that gender bias is even more prevalent, more accepted, more insidious and more likely to die a drawn-out death. The presidential campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton is this thesis writ large.

and

I was taken aback years ago when I had a conversation with Anita Hill. She told me the most disheartening turn of her righteous objection to the coronation of Clarence Thomas had been the attacks she bore from women. She saw all too clearly then that women were the last n-words, conditioned to denigrate their own kind.

that last one reminded me of an essay that I read in Pearl Cleage's book Deals with The Devil. Where she quotes Yoko Ono saying that Women are the niggers of the world. Pearl brilliantly asked after then what are Black women? I'm so sick and tired of the way this election is shaping discourse!

Then we have Tina Fey saying "Bitch is the new Black!" Please someone tell me what the FUCK that is supposed to mean?

This should be an amazing and exciting time for the first time ever we have a White woman and a Black man who could actually gain the democratic nomination and even win! But, instead of being excited and motivated I'm reminded that as a woman of color I'm invisible. And my identity as a Queer woman of color is inconceivable but so many people, because everyone knows that all the women are white, all the men are Black and all the Queers are white men. But, some of us are more than brave!

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I know that there are other women of color out there of varying sexualities that are fighting to be heard, and won't have our voices marginalized. So here's to them, all the wonderful women that make fighting worth it!

Here's a wonderful quote from the amazing brownfemipower, it was from a post she had up about the Duke case. I love it so much that I frequently use it as an away message

"...I will stand beside any and all violated women of color, unquestioning and without apology, because I, too, am the lying stripper, the useless whore, the backstabbing "sister", the nasty 'ho, the unintelligent blogger, the uppity nigger, the DNA dripping slut.

We'll never shut up, and we'll never go away.

We've sung songs you'll never hear, we've created colors you've never dreamt of, and we know a love that you've killed for but you'll never own."

Oh Sara Ramirez!!

She's Hot, Gay friendly and speaks Spanish.... What more can you ask for. Excuse me Laura for lusting all over you wife, but damn!

A Message from Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez

Obama around the world

Now I'm a reluctant Obama supporter, I am going to vote for him in the primary even though I'm still strongly considering writing in Kucinnich, but if it's Obama or Clinton I'm going Obama. What I love is all the diverse Obama support videos here's a little snippet.
(h/t vivir latino)

Okay what is with all the drama! So remember the married girl who was trying to talk to me, and through the wise advice of you wonderful readers as well as others I realized that its just a bad idea to get involved. Well she just sent me a message asking why I was avoiding her and if she got her signals crossed. Okay so its true I have been avoiding her but not really, I've responded to all of her text messages, but not her facebook wall comment and her call which she sent right before the text. I'm just a little taken a back that we have to have this relationship type talk when we're not even in a relationship. We haven't even kissed or anything some drunken hand holding and a leg rub really doesn't constitute a situation where a talk needs to occur. Sure we tentatively set up a date but it wasn't an official date and there was no date set up! What the hell is going on!! Now I have to have this stupid conversation about how I'm not going to get involved with her because she's married.

I guess I didn't expect it to go there because nothing really happened warranting a conversation. There's only one girl that I could really see having legitimate reason for us to talk and ask why I'm sending mixed signals because I have. This married girl not so much. Its not really drama just annoying, I really wanted to respond to the text saying its not that serious!! Because it's really not!

I've found the woman of my dreams

Please meet Lyja

Northwestern hates me

Today I saw the letter that I was praying that I wouldn't get, my rejection letter from Northwestern's African American Studies PhD program. It was my first choice and now my second rejection I got rejected from UC Irvine's Culture and Theory program. They were both high on my list and now I'm wait listed at Ohio state and waiting to hear from IU Bloomington and Rutgers. Someone's already heard from IU Bloomington and I haven't heard anything so its not looking promising. I could care less about these other programs but I was just really hoping Northwestern would be a yes. My little cousin is here visiting and she's the only reason that I haven't crawled into bed and stayed there. So yeah things really need to turn around and quick because I really don't have a plan B. I'm not planning on staying in this Godforsaken city I'm in now so it'll be go back home where I don't have a room, get a job and try this whole thing all over again. I'm just pissed and upset and am praying that I get in somewhere, anywhere.

Oh the Wonderfullness

Okay I bow down to the wonderfullness (yeah I did just make that word up and what?!) that is GreyDay. Who is Grey Day you might ask? Well she's the wonderful person behind the Rose Rollins fan blog. She was fortunate enough to actually speak with my future wife (yes I know that we haven't met, and technically she's hetero, but those are just a few minor details). Well my wife is so wonderful that she graciously sent some beautiful pictures of herself to the site and I highly suggest that you go and check them out!

Oh just in case you needed more evidence why me and Rose are meant to be, this is what our daughter will look like once they make the technology available for two women to have children together.




p.s. Grey Day next time you talk to my wife let her know that all the arrangements are being set up in Canada for our fabulous wedding!! ;-)

official bitter single woman I hate valentines day post

This is my official bitter single woman I hate valentines day post.
I found these at Be my anti valentine

yes I'm bitter, and mad the only person that wants me is married and therefore unavailable. But Happy Valentines day to all those who are actually enjoying this holiday with someone they love. Oh and I only have about 400 facebook friends

Advice needed

Help I need advice!!
So here's the deal I like a girl and she likes me, normally it'd all be good but she's married ... to a man. She's bi and I have no issues with that, but her being married worries me. I'm currently not interested in being in a serious long term relationship, especially since I'm moving in some months. So in my head this sounds like a good arrangement, the relationship could only get so serious because she's married and when I commit to someone I want it to be just us two. But I'm afraid that this could all blow up in my face especially since this would be my first relationship with a woman. I just set up a date for the end of this week, am I crazy? Should I walk away? I don't know what to do!! Help

Live Blogging from my bathroom

Live Blogging from my bathroom.

Why am I blogging from my bathroom? Because we currently have a tornado warning and I'm scared. I hear the tornado sirens going as well as other emergency sirens. So I have set up shop in my bathroom and don't plan on leaving until the sirens end. This is scary I'm moving back to the Northeast, I hate the mid west/ south its just not safe.

I HATE being scared

All of my friends know that I tend to be a little scared and slightly paranoid, well today my fears were reinforced. I was sitting at my desk as usual watching TV I had my blinds open and am just enjoying my Sunday. Then I notice some movement by my blinds I look a little closer, because it was right near the staircase towards my neighbors apartment, however, this was not my neighbor. It was another man he moved from in front of my window further back where you can see more clearly in my apartment. He saw me looking and moved away, I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. So I called my best friend and she told me to call the police, and they came and checked the area. They didn't find anything, but I'm still scared. I don't know what he wanted, was he a rapist, a murderer, a murder and a rapist, a peeping tom? I have no idea and it scares me. I have a hammer and a knife next to me, I've barricaded myself in my apartment and no one will get in this apartment without me hearing them. But, despite all these safeguards I'm still worried that he will come back and he will get in. I finally closed my blinds, but I was hesitant to do so because I'd like to at least be able to see if someone is near my home, but I'm not even sure about that.
All the statistics about home invasions are running through my head, the statistic that 1 out of 4 women will be raped in her lifetime, and I worry if I'm going to be that one. I'm scared and I HATE being scared. I don't know what to do, I've never been a fan of guns, but in this moment I understand why people have them. I just want to feel safe and I don't know how.

Patricia Moreno saved my diet!!

Who is this Patricia Moreno you ask? Well she is the woman that saved my exercise routine. It all started with a Borders coupon and my impulses lol. I went to Borders with the intention of getting 40% off a box set, I figured why not get the L word, unfortunately they didn't have it but I ended up buying seasons 1 and 4 my favorite so far. While I'm contemplating the difficult decision of whether to buy the L word or SVU I saw a Gaiam yoga section, they are the company that I bought my yoga kit from so me having a recently deposited pay check decided to go over and see what else I could spend my money on, and I saw a kick boxing yoga fusion DVD and I was won over. I needed something to get me to do more cardio and I heard kick boxing was fun so I figured why not.

Fast forward to me bailing on my friend and deciding to stay home and watch bad lifetime movies. After my movies and my junk food binge I decided to try out this DVD, so I put on my workout gear that I will only wear in the privacy of my own home and got started. I have to say that I really liked the DVD, she was easy to follow and fun to look at. But, enough objectifying her, the point is that she made it fun. I am now a work out video connoisseur, and the yoga videos are all very calming and peaceful, but the cardio/aerobic videos you need them to motivate you. I already own sweating in the spirit and I have to say she comes of as phoney, even when she's supposed to be praising God it seems staged. I didn't realize how much it bothered me until I got this video. When Patrica Moreno says come on you can do it and smiles, its always at a rough part and she seems sincere. The work out was fun, energetic and not too complicated. It was also a lot of fun to do. So I do believe that I have found a workout video that works for me.

Exercise is not for big girls!

Okay so I'm on this let's get healthy and lose 50 lbs by the time I start my PhD program (hopefully in the fall) kick. I really need to relax and I've always wanted to try yoga. So not wanting to embarrass myself and on an impulse buy, I bought this starting yoga kit. This kit came with a mat, a block, a strap and a "complete" DVD. The DVD turned out to be a 15min AM work out, a prop work out about another 15min and a small illustration which doesn't really tell you what to do. It sort of assumes you already know. So not being deterred I bought a real beginner yoga DVD. The first one wasn't that bad when I tried it was all the back bends. But today I tried sitting poses and it’s so annoying because they were not made for big girls, matter of fact curvy people. I wish that this problem was only in yoga, but my senior year I took Karate and had the same problem. What was that problem you asked? My curves get in the way! In karate when we would be asked to bring our arms all the way to our chest, my chest would get in the way. I would get so frustrated because my instructor would tell me to bring it over closer when it was just impossible. The last bra I fit was a 40 DDD, now a few months ago I went to buy some more and yeah they didn't fit anymore. So I'm well endowed to say the least. I'm also not lacking in the butt area, I'm not saying this to tell everyone how curvy I am, but to say I've got more than your average girl. So what am I to do when they require your back to completely flat against the ground, its just not possible!

Are there any workout programs that know how to deal with an amply blessed woman lol? I'm just sick in tired of being completely frustrated by exercise programs that work on the premise that every person doing them has a small to average chest, and a flat butt! I know I'm not the only one! Ladies tell me your stories, has anyone overcome this?

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

There are a lot of things going on in my mind, that I would love to post about but I don't really feel like being that vulnerable online. So instead I wanted to post about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". It should be clear to everyone that this is a failed policy and it has serious reprecussions on the lives of many individuals who choose to enlist in our armed forces. Now I would never join the military and am very much against any of my friends or family members joining. However, I do have respect for those who find the military a noble cause and are willing to risk their lives for this country. This issue has been at the forefront of alot of online discussions I've seen recently because of the L word storyline involving my future wife Rose Rollins. Rose as you know plays Capt. Tasha Williams on the L word, who is currently dealing with being investigated for homosexual conduct. Last week she did an amazing job in this scene where she confronts her lawyer who doesn't really believe that she should be in the military because she's a lesbian. Enjoy my wife at work.



Amazing, right?!

I also love watching the Vlog "She Got me Pregnant" I just like it, I am definitely not considering having children anytime soon, and sometimes question whether I want children at all. But its still a nice vlog, anyway this week they dealt with Don't Ask Don't tell and told a gut wrenching story about a family suffering under this policy. It's very moving and I definitely suggest you all watch it. When you're done go over to the Mombian website and read the full article.

Mombian Vlog 01-24-08
Uploaded by drudolph

After watching that I went and looked up the presidential candidates on "Don't Ask Don't Tell", and I wish I could say that I was surprised at the republican response. I have to say though I was pissed, because the republicans dodged the question and then dared to say the policy is working! Clearly they haven't done their research anyway here's the youtube clip ... enjoy?



And a response



So just some food for thought.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

I was thinking about what to post to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr Day. I feel like I should post something because I'm a Black blogger, and because I also admire Martin Luther King Jr. But, I've come to hate what this holiday has become. Its become a day for people to ignore the true radical message of Dr. King and try to fill the huge void in the American Education system with regards to People of Color. Growing up this holiday always meant the teachers making us look around in our semi diverse classroom and claim that Dr. King's dream has been realized. So instead of writing a post about that I think this picture of George W. Bush talking to a young Black girl about the importance of Dr. King best summarizes my feelings, especially in the girl's face.

Things I did instead of sleeping or doing work:

Things I did instead of sleeping or doing work:

• Watched every youtube video I could find on Staceyann Chin
  
• Worked out to Sweating in the Spirit
  
• Cleaned my kitchen
  
• Used my new washer and dryer to do laundry
  
• googled Helena's hot cell mate on the L Word Lucia Rijker
• Started cleaning my living room until I spotted a waste belt I bought for working out which inspired me to begin working out at 3:30 am
  
• Began writing this post
  
• Wondered what the hell is wrong with me and why I decided to pull an all nighter for no apparent reason
• Realized that staying up til 5am (again for no apparent reason) and working out gives you a headache
  

Clearly I need help!

Little Dragon

Okay I'm pretty sure Hanifah & Olive should put me on their street team lol, but everyone should definitely donate $20 so they can get the U People card. With this card you get to download a mixtape by a different woman DJ each month. The first one was done by DJ Reborn from Ubiquita NYC. The whole mix is amazing I love every song up there. But a couple of songs kept catching my attention and when I went to the site where they had a track listing I found out it was from some group called Little Dragon. So like anyone else would do I goggled them and then found their Myspace page, after listening to a few songs I'm hooked. They are absolutely amazing! This song in particular is so beautiful I could cry.



Now I haven't paid enough attention to the video to understand it, but the song by itself is beautiful.

Yay Rose/Tasha!!

Wonderful slide show made by Grey Day at the Rose Rollins Fan page.

| View | Upload your own

Can a girl catch a break!

Shelley Nicole's Blak Bushe

Oh What a Night

Last night I was fortunate enough to attend a fund raiser concert for the amazing Documentary UPeople. Which was Directed by Hanifah Walidah and Olive Demetrius. The movie was incredible and I was fortunate enough to be in the NYC area, so I could head to Bed Stuy to Solomon's Porch and enjoy this amazing concert. So here's my long winded recap of the night followed by a link at the end to where you can watch it all yourself.

Unfortunately I get star struck really REALLY BAD! Its really ridiculous, but I had been preparing myself, I watch their weekly Vlogs and absolutely love them. So I was preparing myself to see Olive Demetrius, Hanifah Walidah and Gloria Bigelow but when I saw them I was in shock. I couldn't help but stare at them as they walked by. So if any of you are reading this I was the weird girl staring lol. So as I sat in shock as they walked by my friend reminded me to be cool and not act like the dork I really am. Then the show starts and Gloria Bigelow does an amazing job, she had me cracking up and I still couldn't believe that I got to see her live. Then Hanifah Walidah came on and DAMN! She did an amazing job! The music was on point her energy was incredibly high and her performance was impeccable! When she brought Olive her partner up there for the song "Do you mind" it was so cute. You can see the love emanating from them. I was sitting right next to the window and then I turn and who is outside listening? Toshi Reagon, I was really worried for the other artists because I just couldn't see how anyone could follow that up, but they more than held their own.

Next up we had Shelley Nicole's Blak Bushe, unfortunately I was in the back and the place was packed so I couldn't see her hot legs everyone kept talking about. Her performance was hot though. She started out with a song that made me mad that I was single, and then continued on with my new stressed out life sucks song Black Girls which is on the U People soundtrack. She was amazing, she just picked up the guitar and was jamming the whole crowd was so into it. Then in the middle of her set who walks in? None other than Macy Gray (remember me and how star struck I get, yeah you can only imagine). Shelley Nicole was just amazing!

More on me an my Star struckness, as Shelley nicole finishes her set the couple that was sitting next to me and my friend get up and leave. I see the guy motioning towards someone telling them that there are two seats and then Tika Milan walks over and sits down right next to me. I wanted to say something, I wanted to say I really liked her on I'm from Rolling Stone, I wanted to say she had a cool shirt which she did, but all I did was get really stiff and try to ignore her. I was so nervous I couldn't even smile lol. I did manage to say something to her, when I was waiting to sign my check I asked her for a pen.... I know, monumental conversation.

Next up was Honey Larochelle, and I had seen her on last weeks podcast and she wasn't shy but I did not expect her to have so much energy on stage. She was absolutely amazing, her voice was beautiful and all of the horns. Her song about her mother's advice was so beautiful and touching.

After it was all over, everyone was selling CD's and unfortunately I had less the money than I thought and ran out of money before I could get Hanifah Walidah's CD. She handed me a flyer thing for the movie and I got star struck so all I could do was smile. Now mind you I had hyped myself up as to what I was going to say to her. I was going to tell her that I had sent her a myspace message and taken a picture with her and Olive at their New York screening. I wanted to say how great a job she did and how she's such an inspiration. But what did I do? Smile like a big doof.

Overall the night was amazing, it was filled with amazing Queer women of many colors, and there were also Queer men and straight women and men. It was amazing environment. I didn't want it to end. One last tidbit about how star struck I got as I was walking my friend to the bus stop and we were trying to find the right train for her to take we stopped and asked some women and Gloria Bigelow was one of them and again what did I do? Smile like a doof. Eh, next time I will speak. Now go over to U People and watch for yourself and while you over there you should drop some money their way to support the film. Don't forget to watch their weekly podcast/vlog every week either at UPeople-themovie.com or on AfterEllen.com . Here's a picture of me Hanifah and Olive, at the NYC screening of U People in October. You know I gotta keep my identity secret and all so I've done an artistic rendering of me lol

Tasha!!!

I just found these clips on youtube of my reason for staying interested in the L Word, Tasha. She is paired with one of my favorite characters Alice and they are just too cute. I'm not really a fan of the aggressiveness that she posesses but its such an improvement over their other portrayals of Black women. So yeah its progress, but enjoy oh and the third clip is definitely not work safe





Again this clip is NOT work safe








::UPDATE:: So as I'm continuing on in my Rose Rollins induced coma I happened upon this blog dedicated to none other than my future wife Rose Rollins! So please go over support and drool. http://roserollinsfanblog.blogspot.com/

It's Christmas eve

Now picture this lady as Black and with locs and you have me. It's Christmas Eve I should be feeling great and stress free. But, I have more applications due in about a week and I'm pretty sure there is no way that I can make the deadline. I'm tempted to drop two more schools from my list. I still haven't finished that last paper, and my head hurts so bad from thinking about this all I have no way to function. I'm going to try and finish everything tomorrow.... pray for me!

Dani, Dani, Dani!!!

As you all know I am horribly addicted to TV. My latest guilty pleasure has been A shot at love with Tila Tequila, which is an absolutely horrible tv show. It only reinforces stereotypes about lesbian and bi women, it subjects these women to so much blatant homophobia and racism that it makes me sick. However, there has been one shining star that has kept me watching and that's Dani Campbell. She is the "futch" firefighter on the show, and is oh so hot! She's down to earth never bad mouthing the other people on the show, and she's just great. I'm so obsessed that anacoana has threatened me if I mentioned her name again, but I can''t help it she's just so damn hot, and that talentless idiot Tila Tequila didn't pick her.

On the one hand I'm happy because she's too good for her, but on the other hand I can't believe she didn't see that Bobby was a troll and Dani a goddess. I just don't get it so. There's my rant on Tila Tequila and now let's all stare at the beauty that is Dani Campbell.

I thought she was hot from the first time I saw her in her firefighter outfit, which you can see at about 2:20 in the video below. You can also get a nice taste of what's wrong with this show from the clip.



Oh an Amanda's a hypocrite she talks about gross "butchy" girls but she was on The secret lives of women: Lipstick lesbians, with her very butch girlfriend.



Anyway back to ::swoon:: Dani!

TASHA!!!!

January 6 can't come soon enough actually December 30 on ourchart

I need a vacation

I need a vacation

I'm so stressed that my eye is twitching. According to this website it can be caused by excessive stress, lack of sleep and fatigue. Yup that sounds about right. DAMN GRAD SCHOOL!

Is this too much?

Remember my whole thing with being "post gay" would buying this be considered going to far?


lol just kidding I don't think I'm going to buy it but I did think about it for like 30 seconds or a minute whatever

Finals time

Finals time is here, I've already completed two papers but I have two more to go for actual grades this semester and this is not counting my thesis stuff and PhD application stuff I need to get done. I'm so stressed out right now words can not describe it. It is times like these that I wonder why I'm in grad school and whether or not I really wanna continue on. I'm so stressed that I can't do anything, and this leads me to further stress out. I'm sitting here and I feel my chest tightening from the weight of this coming week. I don't know if I can really do it all and what are the implications of any of it not getting done. The last time I felt like this I utilized the wonderful gift Di gave me last year for Christmas.
It really helped me last time and hopefully this time it'll work again. I just pray that I make it through this year, and in my PhD program I'll learn how to handle things better. I just can't go on like this there's got to be a better way.

I don't know why but I'm really feeling this song.

2 am teeth grinding

It's 2 am I'm working on a presentation, and what I've come to realize is that I grind my teeth. Does anyone know how to stop this, besides getting rid of the stress in your life?

I love afterellen.com

I love afterellen.com and this is why

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

I would love to write a post

I would love to write a post about my friend's recent assault. I would love to write something so prolific and profound that it somehow made a difference, not only in her life but in the world. I wish that in writing about how I can hear the hurt in her voice, and how someone who always sounds happy and full of life sounds like she's had that beaten out of her. I wish above all that I could somehow take the pain away from my friend. I wish, I wish, I wish that this all never happened.

In search of home

Oh the frustration, I'm home in Connecticut and I have been anxiously waiting to get home and away from the middle of nowhere and all was well for the most part, I got to see my beautiful nephew who absolutely loves me, which is evident in the way I'm consistently able to make him smile. I know that my family loves me, but its not that simple.

This is my first holiday being semi out, I don't know who knows I'm a lesbian and who doesn't. I come home to find out that my mom has outed me to my crazy conservative aunt, knowing that I was thinking that everyone knew. But the environment was very different. Lesbians were brought up several times and it was never in a completely positive light. First I find out that my "player" cousin, who is a sweet heart but is also a dog, he has several kids by several different women. Apparently the latest development is that two of the women are now together. Now discussing this my uncle seemed unable to comprehend such a thing and there were also a bunch of ewwwws. This was by my family who I'm guessing doesn't know about me but my mother kept talking about how she looked like a dyke in this one picture. Then there was a commercial where two womem were kissing and again in typical teenager fashion we heard lots oh ewwwwws.

I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about coming out and coming home for the holidays, but I still wasn't prepared for all of this. I'm beginning to understand why so many queer folks have created families. If my family's general ambivalence and disdain towards lesbians weren't enough there were the 3 fights with my older sister, in which I get accused of holding my degree over everyone's heads, made me yearn for this even more. Unfortunately some experiences with "friends" have left me less than hopeful about getting this family.

But this week home has made me want that safe place, that place where I'm understood and accepted. But I don't even know if that place exists so I'm on my way back to the middle of no where and to my apartment where I may be alone but at least I don't have to put up with no bull shit

I'm ready to go back

I think I'm ready to go back to Church. I just finished watching Sunday's Best on BET, its basically a gospel American Idol and I was just hit with the spirit through my TV and I realized I miss church. I didn't think about who was judging me, but all I cared about was restoring my relationship with God. Now I know everyone has their own path to God, but I think I need to return to my path through Christianity. I know I'll find the right path, but I have to say this show just reminded me about what I loved about church. I miss that! So I don't know how but I'm going to find a church where I can be comfortable and worship God.

Laptop Etiquette

Okay so right now as I'm typing this I'm in class, and yeah yeah sure I shuld be paying complete attention, but come on let's be real one of the main reasons why I have my laptop is so that I can surf the web when I'm bored i nclass. I get it, and completely recognize that this is one of the reasons why many people use their laptops in class, and I'm okay with it. I still get my work done though. My problem though is that while I am very quietly doing something else this loud heffer in front of me is typing away so fucking loudly that I want throw something at her. She's tap tapping away and its annoying as hell so in light of this I decided to post some laptop etiquette for the classroom, just in case this annoying heffer in front of me happens to read this.

1. try and type softly and quietly, while you may be able to deal with your loud tapping the rest of the class wants to cause you severe bodily harm (well maybe that last part is just me)

2. If you are going to go online and surf the web do not sit in a spot where the majority of the class can see what you're doing, its distracting.

3. try to at least appear to be taking notes in class, open up a word document and only type when it would seem appropriate to do so. We all know you're not paying attention, even the professor does, but it's rude to not even attempt to hide it.

4. TURN YOUR SOUND OFF!!!! Now I'm guilty of this every once in a while so a few times are excusable , but please try remember to mute your computer no one wants to hear all the random noises computers make.

If you follow these four simple rules you will be alright

Kate Moennig I'm calling you out!

Just watched the new promo for the L word and all I only have one message for Kate Moenning

STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!!!

I understand its hard with Rose being so damn hot, but I would really appreciate it if you would stay away from my wife and stop trying to ruin our marriage. Thank you

Sincerely Journey Woman aka Mrs. Rose Rollins


Katherine "Kate" Moennig




Here's the promo

I don't think I'm going to vote tomorrow

I don't think I'm going to vote tomorrow and I feel horrible about it. I completely forgot that tomorrow was election day, and then realized that in my present state the big race is the race for governor, and I know who is running but they both suck. What I realized here is that everyone is conservative. At the recent gubernatorial debate, both candidates got into an extended argument over hunting.... HUNTING! Forget all the crazy shit they should be focusing on, they want to argue over who can kill more innocent animals. Now I'm no vegetarian, or even extreme animal rights person, but I just can't get with hunting. What do candidates use for smere tactics who is more a liberal. Here being liberal is a bad word. So after a recent story on just how conservative these candidates are I just can't bring myself to vote for either of them, and with the exception of the new proposed library tax I know very little about what's going on. So because of all of this I don't think I'm going to vote. This is rough considering I value voting, my mother instilled the importance of voting from the time I was a child. She would take us in the voting booth with her, and it was always such a big deal to get to pull the lever. So to not vote is killing me, but I just don't think that it would be responsible of me to do so. Ahh I don't know what to do, I might cave.

Diet Woes

Okay so now a real post, besides just random pictures of my facebook avatar, because damn that was kinda pathetic.

Well I'm on a diet, and I fucking hate it!! I hate having to say no to food that I really really want. I'm currently over 200 lbs, but I carry it well if I do say so myself, but not well enough for me to stop hating my body. I'm just tired of being a big girl, I'm tired of being "thick" I'm tired of not feeling sexy. I just want to be thin, but I know I'll never be thin my body just wasn't built to be thin. But I can be thinner than I am right now. So finally getting tired of being fat I decided to change my eating habits. I'm taking baby steps towards my goal. I already walk 2 miles three times a week to my job, so I figure combine that with better eating habits and eventually some motivation and I will lose weight. I've tried to set up exercise schedules for myself but it doesn't work because I'm not that motivated. Eventually I will exercise in my house, but I hate gyms and am against anyone seeing me in work out clothes. People who don't have serious weight problems don't know what its like to be a big person and go to the gym. I always feel like people are watching me, and judging me. Its intimidating to go into the gym where these skinny minis are jogging on the treadmills and I'm in pain after a short time. I've tried going to the gym when I was in undergrad with my friends, who with the exception of one are a lot thinner than I am and I felt embarrassed. So now I don't do gyms, maybe when I lose some weight and am feeling more comfortable I will but for now its not gonna happen. I'm dieting because I hate being the fat girl, I hate that I hate my body.


Dieting is hard, right now all I want is a cupcake or a cupcake like food. I get these weird cravings for sweet and starchy foods, and nothing really satisfies me but something like that, but part of my diet is seriously cutting back on the sweets. I just ate the last sweet thing in my apt, which was a toaster's strudel pastry. Now my house is sweet free. I bought sugar free Jello for when I want something sweet, and I have only wheat bread products in my house. Wheat English muffins, breads and pastas. I don't have any juice or soda only 5 calorie Crystal light, and water. I'm also drinking water now which my friends know is a big deal. I eat lots of veggies and have cut down on my beef and given up on pork entirely. I'm really trying to make a change, but times like now make that really really hard. So hopefully by the fall I'll be about 50 pounds lighter and a lot happier.

random

So I recognize I haven't posted in a while, all is well. My family is still dealing with my cousin being pregnant, but no one besides her mother is freaking out. But, we're moving on. Anyway trying to figure out this whole PhD program, and thesis mess, but when I'm procrastinating like I often do I play the games on facebook and they allow to create your own avatar. So just to post here is my tofoo and the many ways I've changed it

I feel like I'm in mourning

I feel like I'm in mourning, and I feel bad about it. I'm mourning the loss of my little cousin's childhood, she's fifteen and its all over now, its time for her to become an adult and I'm so sad about it. I'm feeling so many conflicting things I don't even know how to describe it. She's had it rough especially these last couple of years. She's had to deal with sexual abuse, her mother and all her craziness, and just instability in her life. But, through it all I've tried to remind her of how beautiful she is, and how she can accomplish anything. I was fighting for her so hard because I saw this coming. The signs were all there low self esteem, crazy home life, lack of parental attention, and all the wrong attention from boys. I saw from when she lost her virginity at 13 to a boy who lied about his age and didn't care about her at all. And now, as if her life hasn't been hard enough its about to get even harder because her life is no longer her own. I spoke to her briefly online today and she told me how in between her mother screaming and cussing her out her mother finally told her that she's HIV positive. She's been positive for the last 10 years of her life, and admits all this stress now she has more to deal with. I'm so mad at her though and I hate that I'm mad at her but I am, because while there have been so many people fighting for her she hasn't been fighting for herself. She's never allowed herself to dream about big things, and I'm mad about that. She's beautiful, intelligent, talented and just a great person but she doesn't see that in herself and it hurts. I just don't know how to proceed because since I've found out this has been the most I've been able to speak on this. I just don't know what to do.

My 15 year old cousin is pregnant

My 15 year old cousin is pregnant.

I don't know what to do with this all, she's only 15. She can't drive, vote, or even get a job, but she's going to be a mother. I can't be excited like usual when we learn of a new baby on the way, because the mom's not ready. She's committed to keeping the baby, but I can't see her as a mother. I remember when she was born, she can't even manage her own life. I don't even know what else to say once this sinks in maybe I'll be able to write a more coherent post

I need friends ya'll

Yes I do have friends but I mean myspace friends. I just created another profile that's separate from my personal myspace page, I still need to conceal my secret identity lol. So if you have a page how about you add me and we can be friends okay? thanks

Myspace.com/journey2enlightenment

So I’ve been thinking more and more about white liberals and white people in general. Growing up in the US as a Black woman who later discovered that she was a lesbian has definitely influenced my outlook on life. I’ve always gone to integrated schools, and I’ve been so use to being the only person of color or one of a few in a classroom that I hardly even notice it anymore. I still get annoyed and aggravated when I don’t see any people of color on a television show, but not aggravated enough to stop watching.

As I’m writing this I’m in class, a class about sexuality from a historical perspective and in this class I’m one of two people of color out of about 20, and it’s a shame to say that its to the point that I forget that I’m out numbered because it happens so often in my life. But in this class there is usually one of my good friends a nice white liberal, she got her masters in Black studies and studies post colonial Africa, she’s aware of her privilege supposedly, but I have to constantly still call her on some of the stupid and down right ignorant things she says. She takes pride in being so open minded, progressive, she talks about it all the time. She calls herself a Black feminist; she even created a facebook group for progressive white people. She talks about not caring about being the only white person or one of two in a class, but I don’t think she really gets it. I don’t think most white people really get it, even white liberals.

They talk about being allies but in the end they’re all more concerned with getting their “black card,” being considered down. It’s sickening. People of color are expected to get used to being out numbered in work, school and everywhere else outside of their community and when in this world we must conform to their standards for everything. While they claim to have relinquished their privilege, they really haven’t but rather they have transformed the ways in which they gain their privilege. Now they want to be applauded and celebrated for their willingness to enter the world of the colored people, and not lynching them as they enter. I’m just so tired of it all dealing with them, now while I’m saying they and them I don’t mean all white liberals and certainly not all white people. I’m just tired of putting up with all the bull shit.

There is a quote by Barbara Smith that says

“Quiet as it's kept, whether we are "rioting" or not, most African Americans live every day with greater or lesser amounts of rage toward white people and the system that gives them power and privilege to decimate our lives. I know I do”

and I think that’s what I’ve been dealing with more and more lately I have a lot of anger built up inside against white people and I do mean this in a general way. This isn’t to say that there aren’t white people that I love dearly, but deep down I’m pissed at them for the privilege that they have and use everyday. I’m working on this anger because I realize that this isn’t healthy. I’ve been reading Alice Walker’s the temple of my familiar and I have been captivated by the gospel according to Shug if you haven’t read them before here they are:

HELPED are those who are enemies of their own racism; they shall live in harmony with the citizens of this world, and not with those of their ancestors, which has passed away, and which they shall never see again.

HELPED are those born from love: conceived in their father's tenderness and their mother's orgasm, for they shall be those - numbers of whom will be called "illegitimate" whose spirits shall know no boundaries, even between heaven and earth, and whose eyes shall reveal the spark of the love that was their own creation. They shall know joy equal to their suffering and they will lead multitudes into dancing and Peace.

HELPED are those too busy living to respond when they are wrongfully attacked: on their walks they shall find mysteries so intriguing as to distract them from every blow.

HELPED are those who find something in Creation to admire each and every hour. Their days will overflow with beauty and the darkest dungeon will offer gifts.

HELPED are those who receive only to give; always in their house will be the circular energy of generosity; and in their hearts a beginning of new age on Earth: when no keys will be needed to unlock the heart and no locks will be needed on the doors.

HELPED are those who love the stranger; in this they reflect the heart of the Creator and that of the Mother.

HELPED are those who are content to be themselves; they will never lack mystery in their lives and the joys of self-discovery will be constant.

HELPED are those who love the entire cosmos rather than their own tiny country, city, or farm, for to them will be shown the unbroken web of life and the meaning of infinity.

HELPED are those who live in quietness, knowing neither brand name nor fad; they shall live every day as if in eternity, and each moment shall be full as it is long.

HELPED are those who love others unsplit off from their faults; to them will be given clarity of vision.

HELPED are those who create anything at all, for they shall relive the thrill of their own conception, and realize a partnership in the creation of the Universe that keeps them responsible and cheerful.

HELPED are those who love the Earth, their mother, and who willingly suffer that she may no die; in their grief over her pain they will weep rivers of blood, and in their joy in her lively response to love, they will converse with trees.

HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for harmony in the Universe, for they are the restorers of balance to our planet. To them will be given the insight that every good act done anywhere in the cosmos welcomes the life of an animal or a child.

HELPED are those who risk themselves for others' sakes; to them will be given increasing opportunities for ever greater risks. Theirs will be a vision of the world in which no one's gift is despised or lost.

HELPED are those who strive to give up their anger; their reward will be that in any confrontation their first thoughts will never be of violence or war.

HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for peace; on them depends the future of the world.

HELPED are those who forgive; their reward shall be forgetfulness of every evil done to them. It will be in their power, therefore, to envision the new Earth.

HELPED are those who are shown the existence of the Creator's magic in the Universe, they shall experience delight and astonishment without ceasing.

HELPED are those who laugh with a pure heart; theirs will be the company of the jolly righteous.

HELPED are those who love all the colors of all the human beings, as they love all the colors of animals and plants; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them.

HELPED are those who love the lesbian, the gay, and the straight, as they love the sun, the moon, and the stars. None of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them.

HELPED are those who love the broken and the whole; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any of themselves shall be despised.

HELPED are those who do not join mobs; theirs shall be the understanding that to attack in anger is to murder in confusion.

HELPED are those who find the courage to do at least one small thing each day to help the existence of another - plant, animal, river, or other human being. They shall be joined by a multitude of the timid.

HELPED are those who lose their fear of death; theirs is the power to envision the future in a blade of grass.

HELPED are those who love and actively support the diversity of life; they shall be secure in their differentness.

HELPED are those who know.

What I love is that she’s really talking about dealing with your anger, and even in the book one of the character’s is struggling because she keeps having dreams where she’s killing white people and then trying to put them back together. She’s struggling because she doesn’t want to do this but she keeps having these dreams. I think what Alice walker was talking about was this underlying anger. All I know is that I’m going to have to do something to deal with this anger and the white liberals that I’m coming in to contact with.

new baby

Congrats to my bestest friend ever on the birth of her beautiful little boy! I just wanted to officially post this online. I got to see him yesterday and he is tied with my nephew for the cutest baby ever, well at least in my eyes I know to each respective parent their son is number one. She's a great mom already and I can't wait to see her walk fully in her momdom lol

You know there is a lot going on in politics right now, and I just finished watching Life and Debt about the IMF and how it has screwed up Jamaica. The more I think about our current administration, and I would like to write a very intelligent critique about President Bush, but all I can think of to say is

FUCK YOU BUSH
FUCK YOU!!!
FUCK YOU'RE FUCKED UP WAR!
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOOOOOOU!!

That is all

I can't stand all this waiting!!!!!
I'm documenting all my anxiousness while I wait for news on Anacoana, and the baby. Its driving me crazy it is currently a little after midnight and the last I heard from her it was at 8 and she was doing great. its been 4 hours and I can't stand the not knowing, is she close what's going on? how does she feel? we joke and say that I'm the third parent and I feel like the father pacing outside the hospital room waiting to hear whether his child has been born. I can't take it!!!! So Anacoana when you read this later, as well as all the notes on your myspace, and facebook just know that I'm going crazy!!!

procrastination

marriedtothesea.com

Baby Watch 2007 ...

Is almost complete because


ANACOANA IS IN LABOR RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!


Go over and wish her luck she won't see it until after she comes home, but it'll be much appreciated.

I'm already an Auntie as of Sept 6th, now I'm about to be a god mom as of I'm gonna say the 3rd