Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do

Someone, anyone please tell me what I'm supposed to do! I just called my mom to tell her about my new apt, when she tells me that my aunt who has been having some problems lately just got beat up by her boyfriend. This man punched her in the face and then proceeded to stomp her and then threaten to kill her and her children if she ever cheats on him. My little cousins were witness to this all. She doesn't want to press charges and is back over his house today all black and blue and swollen. He tried to take her to someone's house to be beaten up.

I want someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do! How do I take all of my readings on black women and our lives and help my aunt? How do I help my aunt who is HIV positive, in an abusive relationship, smoking too much weed and isn't relating to her children? What do I do? I'm just so FUCKING tired of this world where this happens and I'm left completely helpless.


brownfemipower said...

girl. first, take a deep breath. and then another one. you do NOT have to solve this woman's problems by yourself. I know when you get panicky and overwhelmed with all this information about the violence and the horror a loved one is experiencing, it's hard to seperate yourself AT ALL--and you *shouldn't* seperate yourself all the way--just enough to realize that you can help a *lot*--but at the same time, you can't do everything.

so take a deep breath, and remind yourself that.

Then, consider--what's with this *I* stuff??? first rule to dealing with abuse--the abuser wants you to be alone--because he can handle dealing with women who are probably smaller than him one on one. what he can't handle is a whole family coming at him, or a whole group of sisters, aunties, grandmas etc--SO think of answers/responses in terms of what can *we* do (which will of course entail you figuring out who "we" is--family, friends, neighbors, whatever).

then, as far as responding--that's going to be a *lot* more tricky, especially if she's not ready to leave, for whatever reason. If she's got a habit, maybe she's staying with him because he lets her use without getting judgmental.
or maybe her mind is so foggy from the drugs she's not sure what she's doing. or maybe she feels she deserves it. what ever she's got a reason for staying there and she may not even know what it is. So i think you should be sure to tell her that "We" are there for you when ever she needs it--and maybe take a more roundabout way of confronting the violence--like going to the man instead, or telling the kids how they can get away or something like that. I had a list posted up a looooong time ago that had a whole bunch of responses people in multiple communities took--i'll see if I can find it some where...

brownfemipower said...

Journey_Wmn said...

Thanks BFP as you can see by more recent post I'm completely overwhelmed by this all, but I really do appreciate you

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde