issues that I had not completely resolved, in going to a Pride parade signaled to me something that I wasn't completely ready to accept before, complete acceptance of who I am. I talk a good talk, but I'm still struggling. So the whole idea of pride just made me really anxious. I felt bad because I didn't feel like I had any pride, and then I felt like there would be a Queer measuring stick that I didn't necessarily measure up to. When talking about this with my best friend she wisely said that maybe pride was about going there with none and coming back with some. II've been having a lot of anxiety about going before. Going to pride made me confront a lot of definitely have to say that that's exactly what happened. I feel so much better about everything; I'm no longer so terrified that people from my undergrad were going to find out the truth. There might be some facebook pictures and I'm okay with that.
Yesterday was the parade and I thought that I had prepped myself but as I began to walk to the spot where I was going to watch the parade, I began to freak out. My heart was racing and I was shaking. I called my best friend in a panic, after she calmed me down and I hung up. Immediately these two guys complimented me on my earrings, and then we started talking and they invited me to walk around with them. They were so nice and I hung out with them for most of the night. Then when I left them, I ran in to a girl who was in one of my classes. It was funny because we both looked at each other and said "What are yoou doing here?!” It was great, because once again I wasn't walking around by myself. The rest of the night got really weird but that’s not what’s important. Today there was just a general festival, and I went by myself hoping to meet people again, but I just ended up hanging out on the grass for a while by myself. I ran in to some girls from a program that I had presented for before. It was nice because I didn't even know that one of them was a lesbian, and there program isn't exactly gay friendly, but they had found each other and banded together. What made me happier is that she remembered me and was happy to see me, while I was presenting she looked real bored, but I made an impact.
I saw so many young kids, holding hands with their boyfriends and girlfriends and not caring, it was beautiful. I saw older people walking around happy and enjoying the day. It was so nice to not have to worry about being seen, people finding out. It was beautiful! I felt so proud and so happy. Then I got to hang out with the girl from my class later, and we did the electric slide on stage, and had a great view of the drag show, and just got to talk about being out on our campus. It was beautiful! I had such a great time and a lot of my anxiety about being out has dissipated, because I know I'm not alone!
Here are some pictures from the Drag Queen show tonight and some stuff I bought
A cool incense holder I bought (ignore the stuff in the background lol )
3 comments:
i've always got a funny relationship to Pride...it's an imperfect space, but it's a necessary one, and i'm thankful for being there.
i'm glad you got to go, and had a good time. i think of it as a little peek into what the world might be more like if we did just get to be, no excuses.
glad to hear you had such a positive experience at Pride. they can certainly be a mixed bag.
btw, you've been tagged
glad to hear you had a blast. I love pride, and every year I say 'I'm not going to go' but I just can't help myself!
blessings.
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