Monday, January 22, 2007

I would like to write

*This is from a journal entry I decided to try and turn in to a poem, I'm not a poet but I'm trying something new*



I would like to write

something

anything

that could adequately convey my emotion.



something

anything




I am lost.


the perpetual outsider
constantly
searching
for home.

floating in space
never at home.
Never accepted.

a loveless heart
torn a part

My heart longs for my former life.
My heart aches for my God.
My heart aches for a life that I was never destined to have.

Where do you go?

Where do you go?

when you are rejected by everyone?
Where is home?
Where is safety.

the words won’t allow themselves to come out
they are caught
in my throat
in my heart,
in my eyes
begging for release.

power?
authority?
for a life that I have yet to fully accept?

stuck

I don’t know how not to be me,


Pride?
where is my pride?

one mask for another
The pain is ever present in my heart
and I have no idea of how to expel it.
I would really like to see where I made my choice?

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde