Me

Something has been really bothering me lately, it feels like there is so much resistance to me just being me. I feel like in order to "fit" I need to change so many aspects of myself. From the way I dress, to how I live my life. It seems like whatever I do just isn't enough. It isn't ok and I'm so over it. I feel this particularly when it comes to dating. I'm neither butch nor femme or androgynous. I'm just me, my style is very much for comfort, most days I'm wearing jeans, t-shirt and head scarf; and that's how I'm comfortable dressing. I don't like heels, I can't walk in them and they hurt my feet, so I don't wear them anymore simple. I don't wear make up, and I could careless about whether my nail polish is all there. Those things just aren't important to me. Sometimes I like to show of the Venus and Serena with a nice low cut shirt, and I don't like my clothes to be overly loose are tight fitting. This is just who I am, and I'm tired of being made to feel like I need to change these aspects of myself. Unfortunately it seems like to get a date I need to change in some way, dress up, dress down, become more butch or more femme. But, that's not me. QuarterlifeQueer posted an amazing post not too long ago, about life in the middle, and its absolutely beautiful and definitely on time. So often, we are forgotten, us who switch it up and just live in the gray area of an already gray community.

I'm also not one of those extra granola dykes. I care about the environment and what's going on with the earth, but I also like my degree deodorant. If that makes me a hypocrite then so be it. I'm a meat eater and I'm not gonna change that, I even, gasp, eat pork! I know scandalous right? I also like to get drunk every now and then. I reserve the right to be all of this and so much more and I'm not changing any time soon, and if I change it will be my choice and not because I felt pressured.
Yes I'm 25 years old and still a virgin, no I'm not happy about it, but I'm not ashamed either. I'm also not a puppy to be put on display as the 25 yr old virgin. I've also been out for 3 years and haven't been in a relationship with a woman or even kissed a woman, and it has nothing to do with me being unsure about my sexuality. Sure I wish things were different, but they're not. This is my life, these are my experiences. I guess this is all apart of reclaiming me, because this is who I am and I'm tired of feeling bad for it. Hopefully this won't mean that I'm single for the next 30 years, but you know what if changing who I am is what it takes to find someone fuck it! I'll be single.