I actually love all lesbians, but today my love for Black Lesbians has grown even more than I thought it could. The community that I felt at the conference the other week was great, and I've yearned for that sense of community again. Today there was a mini conference put on by my supervisor for Black women. I presented this morning on Body politics, and really wanted to leave after because I haven't felt well but I heard this woman was going to present, and she is very active in the queer community here. She's a beautiful Black lesbian who is very outspoken.
So I went to her panel on Spiritual Abuse and I was so moved. She spoke to so many of the feelings that I have felt about my spiritual life and walk. I really felt at ease and thought then that I was in love with her and she couldn't be more on point. Then the panel on sexuality came up and she opened with I'm going to talk about what its like being a out Black lesbian, and how I'm tired of you all being afraid of me." She also said that it was Black women who have hurt her the most with rejection. As she spoke, she spoke more and more to every single feeling that I've had since coming out. She spoke to my fear of outing myself in front of Black women, my fear of no longer belonging in the Black female community. I connected to her so much from across the room.
Every time I speak to another Black lesbian, and am reminded that I'm not alone I feel so warm and comfortable, because it’s a reminder I frequently need. This is why it is so important for us to be out and open about our lives and struggles, because you never know who is listening. Her talking about her experiences and being open and honest and it touched me so much. I felt so encouraged and inspired by hearing her speak. She spoke to my experience so far, it was like she was reading my mind. This just further reinforced to me the importance of community, of being not only out but proud. I'm not there yet I'm still working on it, but meeting women like her give me hope and something to aim for.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
I love Black Lesbians!!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Community
So I know I said that I was done and therefore back before but this week has been absolutely crazy and exciting. First my friends came to visit and it was great to see them and show them the new me. I do think that they had some issues adjusting to the new me, the me I'm still learning about, but it was good.
Then as I told you all before I won 3rd place in an essay contest for this Black Studies Conference. In winning I had to briefly tell the whole conference about my paper at a luncheon. I also presented on the same paper at a Panel, my paper was on Black Lesbian Identity. I was so nervous but in the end it was great! This one woman who had come to my school to present on her dissertation earlier this month was there and she sat in the front row. I admire her work so much and was so nervous about how she would react, and she was completely supportive. She sat in the front row and just nodded the whole entire time, and that really set the tone for the whole weekend. I was nervous because this tends to be a very Afrocentric conference, not afrocentric in the way that most people think, but grounded in the theory of Afrocentricity. Homophobia is not embedded within this theory but there is a tendency for Afrocentrists to be homophobic, and view homosexuality as a white disease. So I was really shocked when I won 3rd in the essay contest. But while there I met some amazing Black lesbians who were completely supportive and genuinely proud of me. I found my community, I felt comfortable and safe around them. I got to go out to dinner with a bunch of wonderful Black Feminists/Womanists and it was completely empowering and encouraging. After that I felt like we could start the revolution right then and there.
After I gave my panel presentation this one woman comes up to me and says "thank you for doing this research". The support that I got from the woman I met this weekend was so wonderful and encouraging that I was overwhelmed. I wanted to bring them all home with me so this support could never end. This was one of the first times since I came out that I didn't feel completely alone. I was completely overwhelmed with the out pouring of Love and support from everyone I met there. My essay may even be published!! This weekend gave me even more motivation to continue on in focusing on Black Lesbians, it gave me hope that there is a community out there for me, it gave me strength.
Then as I told you all before I won 3rd place in an essay contest for this Black Studies Conference. In winning I had to briefly tell the whole conference about my paper at a luncheon. I also presented on the same paper at a Panel, my paper was on Black Lesbian Identity. I was so nervous but in the end it was great! This one woman who had come to my school to present on her dissertation earlier this month was there and she sat in the front row. I admire her work so much and was so nervous about how she would react, and she was completely supportive. She sat in the front row and just nodded the whole entire time, and that really set the tone for the whole weekend. I was nervous because this tends to be a very Afrocentric conference, not afrocentric in the way that most people think, but grounded in the theory of Afrocentricity. Homophobia is not embedded within this theory but there is a tendency for Afrocentrists to be homophobic, and view homosexuality as a white disease. So I was really shocked when I won 3rd in the essay contest. But while there I met some amazing Black lesbians who were completely supportive and genuinely proud of me. I found my community, I felt comfortable and safe around them. I got to go out to dinner with a bunch of wonderful Black Feminists/Womanists and it was completely empowering and encouraging. After that I felt like we could start the revolution right then and there.
After I gave my panel presentation this one woman comes up to me and says "thank you for doing this research". The support that I got from the woman I met this weekend was so wonderful and encouraging that I was overwhelmed. I wanted to bring them all home with me so this support could never end. This was one of the first times since I came out that I didn't feel completely alone. I was completely overwhelmed with the out pouring of Love and support from everyone I met there. My essay may even be published!! This weekend gave me even more motivation to continue on in focusing on Black Lesbians, it gave me hope that there is a community out there for me, it gave me strength.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
I'm Done!!
I'm done!!!!
Well not really, this has been one of my roughest weeks EVER!! Last night I got 2 hours of sleep. I was writing a paper on African philosophy which needed to be 15 pages long and my mind just shut down. It decided that it didn't care about Wiredu, Mudimbe and Appiah and it damn sure didn't care about E.E. Evans Pritchard. So today as I was in my office ready to have a mental breakdown and then I get the wonderful shining call! Our professor is allowing us to hand in the paper after spring break HALLELUJAH!!!!!!
I had to interview a certain someone on Tuesday and it was kind of great, she's awe inspiring! I also had an almost-not-quite-weird-awkward-hangout-possible-date with her last week...and yeah it was just weird but Tuesday all was well.
As I told myself I wasn't going to blog (eventhough Brownfemipower made me break that with her radical hot blogging...but I enjoyed every minute of it :D), I thought of so many topics I wanted to get everyone's opinion on. So stay tuned
oh and I just won 3rd place in an essay contest!!! I'm kind of excited
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Radical hot blogging
BrownFemiPower is having a hot off for Radical Hot Blogging go check it out and weigh in. Currently there is competition between the cast of clueless vs. Mean Girls vs. Heathers.
I added in Rose Rollins vs. Jennifer Beals in the L word "I hope to God they were really lesbians" category .
And also the normal sized actress (forget that whole full figured, plus sized label thats a bunch of bulls)
I added in Rose Rollins vs. Jennifer Beals in the L word "I hope to God they were really lesbians" category .
And also the normal sized actress (forget that whole full figured, plus sized label thats a bunch of bulls)
Jennifer Hudson vs. Sara Ramirez
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