Saturday, November 04, 2006

I was silent

I like this video, encouraging you to speak out, and the consequences of staying silent. So often we're silent just because it doesn' t pertain to us, just like in the video. However, I was silent and did affect me.

I'm mad at myself today because I was silent. Tonight I went to a party, and one of the host's drunk relatives shows up. I know the host through my department so of course we can't get together without discussing some political issue, so we began to talk about Ted Haggard, and his scandal. I knew it was going to be trouble from the moment that guy arrived, we were joking about the Haggard saying he was getting a "massage" and buying meth. Then it begins, the relative starts talking about how Haggard's a hypocrite (I agree), a liar (again he's talking right), a meth addict (still nothing wrong), and then he says it a faggot. I just sat there stunned, I looked to the host for some sort of correction, and he goes to try and talk about how it doesn't matter if he's gay or not. I was feeling so many things at once, I felt so uncomfortable, and I didn't know what to do. So I said nothing. I'm so mad at myself, I didn't confront him because he was so drunk, it really would have been ridiculous, and also what if he started to call me names? What would I have done? So taking all of this in to consideration, I sat quietly and texted my best friend.
I had to leave the party early because I came with a friend who had someone waiting for her, and I was so thankful. I just feel like I was using my appearance of straight (I don't mean to play up on stereotypes, but no one looks at me and thinks lesbian) to not enter in to a confrontational situation, and I feel bad about this. I feel like a hypocrite. I don't know, I'm just not feeling to hot


Sly Civilian said...

it's a little strange, but my sense of being silenced, or afraid about homophobia really comes and goes.

there's an incident like this, and it really gets me, or...i actually do stand up (and more importantly, actually give myself credit for doing so and not just expecting that i'll be perfect about it), and i feel like it can't harm me at all.

getting into a screaming match with a drunk rates pretty low on my "could be positive" scale of homophobia interventions, so i wouldn't blame you in the least for taking a pass on that one...focus in on the times you have interrupted something, risked some privilege, and especially remember the times it went well.

Jason Hughes said...

Sometimes silence is sound judgement (esp. when dealing with those who ar einebriated at a party). What would trying to convince a drunk person of his illogic accomplish? You chose wisely, in my opinion, to let drunk dogs lie...

Never mistake not speaking up as cowardice when it just is common sense. You have nothing to feel ashamed about, as from experience, when someone is drunk, the true them is usually showing through, and he obviously would have been a person you would disagree with anyway. But perhaps, when he is sober, you might have a chance of an intelligent discussion. Until then, you have shown wisdom...

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde