Saturday, November 11, 2006

I did it!

I did it!
I came out to my mom, and it went great. My mom is so funny she asked me if I realized that I would have to kiss a girl and have sex with her, I'm like yeah. She didn't cry, freak out nothing, she was cool. Told me she had a bad experience with a lesbian in the 70's, she said she was mean to her. I told her at the next meeting I'd bring it up; we'd figure out who it was and promptly revoke her lesbian card. It was great, but tell my why am I freaking out now. Even though it went great, I wish I hadn't told her, because I don't want her to start think of me any differently. I just want things to be the same. We don't talk about my personal life and I want to keep it that way, but I just got motivated to tell her. I was talking with a friend, who recently came out, and we were talking and sharing and I was like I should do it and I did. I just called my mom up, but now I'm soo afraid of when it's going to go bad. I'm terrified, I'm freaking out! My friends are telling me to calm down, but I'm scared that she's going to wake up tomorrow and be like that's not acceptable. I don't know why I can't just allow it to be good. I'm just so afraid that it's going to go bad, I'm terrified that she's no longer gonna see me, but only see my sexuality. Our relationship was finally getting to a place that I was comfortable with, and now I'm afraid it's going to get weird.


nehanda said...

total acceptance is perhaps, what you are looking at with your mom. embrace it, dont fight it with imagery of fear. you are love.

Mamitamala said...

Mira you did your part, that is what you had to do. Like Nehanda said just go with it now.

JrnyWmn said...

Thanks both of you, you're right I need to just be easy. I was preparing myself for the worst and when that didn't happen I kind of freaked out. I'm feeling slightly better now since I've talked to my mom a few times and nothing has changed. I'm just thankful and am going to leave it like that.

Sly Civilian said...

remember, too, that coming out is a process. you shared some of what is going on...but it's more about a chance for further honesty in the future.

i've been out to my folks for a while, but we're still negotiating exactly how things go.

Jason Hughes said...

Congrats, and I'm so happy you have such a loving and accepting mother! I, too, dreaded the very same thing, and although mt experience was slightly different, coming out to my parents has made us closer, and much better friends. Before, it seemed like, even though I was in my twenties at the time, it was still "parent/child." And I think my siblings still have this perception and relationship with them. The brutal honesty of coming out to your parents shows ultimate trust and respect, in my opinion. You are shedding all those petty things we learn as teens to hiode from our parents and saying "Look. This is me, this is who I am." And most times, it leads to a new relationship built on a new kind of trust, respect, and friendship.

I'm so happy for you!

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde