Sunday, June 18, 2006

Violence in my community and wonderful WOC

A lot has been going on with me since I last posted. I definitely had that urge to delete it all and just move on with my life, but I'm still here. I've just been going through a range of emotions, I just get so tired of living in this world the way it is. Sometimes I wonder how this world can be so evil. In my town a 13 year old girl died after being shot in front of her house, along with some of her other friends. Like any good black community there was a rally. I'm just so tired of having to have rallies calling for an end to the violence. I'm tired of seeing those R.I.P. pins, I don't know a child in the ghetto who doesn't have at least one. I feel so helpless, I'm just watching as my people are dying every day, every where. A guy at my college died, after being stabbed in the chest during a fight. When will the violence end?
As if all the violence in my neighborhood isn't enough, I turn on the TV and more violence all over the world. I can't get over the barbaric way that the media has proudly displayed Al-Zarqawi's dead body. What type of society does this? Aren't we supposed to be "civilized" ? We focused days and days on the death of Zarqawi, but how much attention has Darfur gotten? It's time for a change!

On a positive note I went to a gathering of women of color feminists, and it was amazing!! I really felt the community I felt at one with these women, it was so encouraging. The discussion was rich and relevant, the women were genuine and uncensored, I felt free to be me. I made a big step, during conversation later, during one of my Nubian inspired, where are the black lesbians? rants, I could tell everyone was questioning my sexuality. I didn't make an effort to say hey I'm straight, because that's not true. So I just let the conversation flow and it felt good. I just want to stay in that environment always, even though I know it's impossible. I'm also becoming more worried about the environment in this new area. Will I be able to find this type of community? I guess everything is an adventure and that's how I'm going to treat it.

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“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde