Sunday, June 11, 2006


So today I got a chance to hang out with my friends. It was amazing I haven't seen them since graduation a couple of weeks ago. While on the train I was reading Zami a new spelling of my name by Audre Lord. I've wanted to read this book for a while because I heard it was amazing, and I guess I was also looking to the book for guidance. What I’m stopping myself from doing is seeking out other people to judge myself against. I do that a lot, I find the famous quote from the book most applicable (even though I haven't gotten to that part yet)
"If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive"
- Audre Lorde
that’s what I'm trying to due, define myself, but it's hard. What's killing me is that I'm not sure of much, and I don't like it. I always have a plan, it doesn't matter if I change plans a million times, I always know my next step and my confusion of my own sexual identity inserts this uncertainty in to my future that I don't like. That's why I really admire my friend Kay, she's so strong in who she is. She's younger than me but she is always willing to help other LGBT people, she goes out of her way and fights. She gets so much crap at our campus because of her sexual identity, but she never hides who she is, and I love that about her. She knows who she is and she doesn't really care what you think about her. Of course that doesn't mean she doesn't get hurt when people are hurtful, but she stands firm on in the knowledge that she knows who she is. I guess that's what I hope for.

No comments:

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde