Sunday, June 18, 2006
Okay so I just had sort of a surreal moment. I was thinking about my confusion over my sexuality which has definitely turned in to a fight. I have been fighting this every step of the way. As I think back over my life I have come to realize that I have always been fighting my feelings, and for years I did an excellent job at suppressing it. However, I'm done fighting. As I was thinking this I hear a commercial for the series the dead zone come on, and it says "this may not be the life that you have chosen, but this is you destiny”, I know it's pretty cheesy but I'm becoming okay with this. I've been watching a lot of those documentaries on logo, and they've really helped. I don't know how exactly I'm going to define myself, but I do know that I am attracted to women. I don't know what that makes me and I don't really care, all I know is that I am me. I'm not sure when I'll be able to share my new found epiphany with the people close to me, but I feel better knowing that I no longer have to fight with me. I'm learning to find some sort of peace in my life, and that's a very positive turn. I don't know how my life will turn out, but I'm going to follow my heart.
“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde