Friday, July 07, 2006

To my Best Friend

This is a letter to my best friend, I've been trying to find the words to say to her, and I hope I can say this to her before she reads it but I just felt like sharing it with you all.

Dear Friend,
We joke and say that we're married but in reality we're like sisters. I am closer with you than with my entire family, I've told you things that I've never been able to say out loud before. When I am going through things you're the person I need to talk to work through whatever crisis I'm going through at the moment. That's how our relationship is, we lean on each other for support, I know I can trust you and you can trust me. With this said I hope that you can forgive me for keeping this secret from you, I wanted to tell you so many times but I couldn't find the words. It has not been an easy task to be going through such a huge a momentous change and not be able to talk to you about it, which is what I meant when I told you that you are hard to keep a secret from. You know me better than anyone so you know why realizing that I had more than friendship feelings for women has not been easy. For the past couple of months I've grappled with my feelings, I prayed everyday for them to go away, I prayed that the crazy religious right we're right and that this was a choice and I could chose another path, but I can't denying my feelings for women is denying me the chance to be a whole human being. I realized that I have always felt this way. That's why I've been journaling so much, and why I began this blog, I needed to get these feelings out someway; I needed them to be heard by someone other than myself. I thank God everyday for all of those who posted words of encouragement and shown me so much love, they have helped me come to the point where I feel like I can say I am a lesbian. As much as I know that you will be there to support me, I was still afraid that things would change, I was afraid that you'd begin to question everything I've ever said or done and wonder if I was trying to get with you, I just couldn't handle that. So now as my life is about to change forever, and I begin this journey to truly finding out who I really am, I need your support more than ever. This is me, this is who I am and I am nothing without my best friend.

Love always,
your sister/best friend/ roommate/ wife ; )


Sly Civilian said...

*deep breath*

Wow. Touching and amazing...i'm always floored by the deep affection and courage that i see in folks coming out. i hope this all goes well.

Anonymous said...

(I know this will appear anonymous, but it's me :)

Hello wife,

So you almost made me cry at work, which would have been really difficult to explain to the boss *giggle*, but that's besides the point. I know we talked a little this morning and there's still worlds of words left to say, but I just wanted you to know a couple of things.

1) I'm proud of you. Of your ability, of your strength, of your humility, of your passion. I'm proud to call you my best friend.
2) I will always be there for you as long as I have breath. (cuz if I'm not breathing, I'm sorry, but I can only watch from heaven)
3) I love you. And this is perhaps the most important thing to remember when you think about our friendship.

A simple list, but an important one nonetheless. I imagine that this must have been hard for you all this time, but at least you know that from this day forward, you don't have to do it alone.

(p.s. hello blog world, meet my best friend, treat her well)

skyscraper said...

wow. how bold and beautiful of you. i agree with sly: it is always so touching and humbling to witness people come out to someone. i'm glad your best friend really turned out to be *best* and offered you so much affection and understanding in return. wow. that's a good, no GREAT, start!

you're lucky. i hope the rest goes well, too.

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde