Not tired after being on your feet all day at work, or running around doing errands, but just tired of all the bull shit in the world namely all these damn hierarchies. Because, right now I'm really tired. I'm tired of always being in the fucking minority. I'm tired of being gay in a straight world, Black in a white world and a woman in a male world. However, right now I'm especially tired of being gay in a straight world. I'm lucky that I have a few incredible straight friends that allow me to drag them to all these gay events with relatively few objections, but its tiring always being on the outside. I go to these amazing events full of beautiful Queer folks and I'm rejuvenated and energized and then I have to leave that space and deal with ignorance from friends, family and the world at large. I'm tired of being the lone voice of dissent with ignorant comments, and I'm tired of educating others. I'm just so fucking tired. I like to see some version of myself in almost every aspect of my life. So I like watching TV and movies with Queer actors, reading books with Queer characters, and listening to music by Queer musicians (even though I have very few Queer music groups on my ipod), but when I do this and support these works then I'm being biased because I'm gay. I think this is largely due to me being constantly viewed as a special interest, and its fucking annoying.
What really set me off was Beyonce's song "If I was a boy", while I have no problem with her writing a song about being on the other side of her relationship, and I don't think everythinig should be catered to include me, people have the right to write about their experience (now that that disclaimer is out of the way). But, what specifically set me off about that song is where she says
"If I were a boyThe first thing I thought when I heard those lyrics, was well there are millions of women who know how it feels to love a girl, and it ain't got shit to do with being a boy. Like I said before I get it she wasn't talking about us, (which she has every right to do) but it just reiterated to me how often people aren't talking to us. All those stupid fucking generalizations about what every woman wants which always invariably have something to do with some type of man, which doesn't even apply to all hetero women, but it especially excludes Queer women. I'm just tired of having to be understanding at my exclusion.
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl "
I'm just so very tired.