Friday, May 18, 2007
I'm letting go
I've been going back and forth on what my 100th post would be, there's been so much going on, but today I had dinner with my former best friend from High School, and as I sat there I realized that I was confident in who I am. But more than anything this recent trip home has allowed me to let a lot of things go. I've had a chance to say my final goodbye to my undergraduate institution. I went to graduation, and that's really it. I don't foresee me going back there anytime soon. So its time to let go, but I'm also letting go of my home. My mom's home, I'm letting go, this is no longer my home. My mom has moved her Fiancée in, and everything is just different. My home is wherever I create it to be, and my mother's house is not it. So I'm finally letting go of the notion that her house is where I belong, and with that I'm no longer going to stress myself out about it. When I leave this home tomorrow, I'm leaving all the trauma that I endured here right here. I'm not carrying that with me anymore. I'm looking out for me from now on. I'm leaving the person that lived in this town here, and when I do come back and visit, I'm not picking her back up. It's really a time to let go I've come to realize. When I go back to the south I'm going to start looking for a new apartment, and that's going to be my home. I'm just realizing its time to grow up, move on, let go and be free.
“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde