Trip home

I don't see how it is that I updated more when I was in Trinidad than since I've been home. It has been a whirlwind week. I got back from Trinidad late on the 3rd and flew home to CT on the 9th. In between then I had to reclaim my house from fruit flies, try and organize/unpack a little more, and also write a paper for my Trinidad class, which I still haven't done. Fortunately I had a great time being home; I spent most of my time in some area of NYC and mainly with anacoana because it was her baby shower. The baby shower was simply amazing; it was great seeing so many people I haven't seen since I graduated a year ago. It was interesting trying to be true to who I am now as opposed to the person I was when I graduated. I didn't want to slip in to the old image of me, but I am still having a hard time completely breaking that old image and revealing the true me. This was evident in how I awkwardly was walking around with a beer, or how I had to sneak and make myself a drink so to not draw attention to me. I already had to answer a few "oh my goodness is that a beer in your hand?" which was nothing but awkward. I didn't come out to anyone this weekend and mainly kept my sexuality quiet, but this weekend wasn't about announcing my sexuality to people it was about celebrating the pending arrival of my Godson. There was only one instance in which it would have been relevant for me to announce my sexuality, and I didn't in that instance because I was involved in a debate with a "friend" about whether heterosexism was an important system of oppression. In that case I didn't feel like he was worthy of getting to know more about me.

As I said before the baby shower was beautiful, not only did I get to hang out with my best friend but I also got to chill with TS. Being around Anacoana makes me not want to get pregnant, not because she was miserable and made pregnancy look like it, but because she's like 8.5 months pregnant and is carrying it so well, and I know I won't be as fortunate. But overall she's going to be an amazing mother, and I can't wait to see what her little boy is going to look like.

I also got to hang out with my brother and sister in law and see her belly. She's about 2.5 weeks ahead of anacoana and my little nephew is already 6.5 pounds and he still has a month to go. My family doesn't have little babies; I was my mom's lightest at 8 pounds. Unfortunately my sister in law hasn't enjoyed the minimal weight gain like anacoana and has gained weight everywhere but is still beautiful and glowing. I also had a very interesting conversation with my brother concerning my sexuality. It was weird and slightly frustrating because he was asking about the elephant in the room, and I didn't feel like I was purposefully ignoring the subject of my sexuality it just didn't have any place in the conversation that we were having, he was encouraging me to talk about it more with my mom, which was weird because I don't feel like I hide anything from my mom. While I understand his point that my mom wants to talk about it more, but I simply will not be rushed/pushed on anything anymore. What I feel like my family doesn't understand is that this has nothing to do with them. My sexuality is not about them, it is about me. I understand they want to know more and be involved, but I'm not going to go at a rate that is uncomfortable to me in order to appease them, and they're just going to have to deal with it. So this has been overall a very interesting little visit.