Oh What a Night

Last night I was fortunate enough to attend a fund raiser concert for the amazing Documentary UPeople. Which was Directed by Hanifah Walidah and Olive Demetrius. The movie was incredible and I was fortunate enough to be in the NYC area, so I could head to Bed Stuy to Solomon's Porch and enjoy this amazing concert. So here's my long winded recap of the night followed by a link at the end to where you can watch it all yourself.

Unfortunately I get star struck really REALLY BAD! Its really ridiculous, but I had been preparing myself, I watch their weekly Vlogs and absolutely love them. So I was preparing myself to see Olive Demetrius, Hanifah Walidah and Gloria Bigelow but when I saw them I was in shock. I couldn't help but stare at them as they walked by. So if any of you are reading this I was the weird girl staring lol. So as I sat in shock as they walked by my friend reminded me to be cool and not act like the dork I really am. Then the show starts and Gloria Bigelow does an amazing job, she had me cracking up and I still couldn't believe that I got to see her live. Then Hanifah Walidah came on and DAMN! She did an amazing job! The music was on point her energy was incredibly high and her performance was impeccable! When she brought Olive her partner up there for the song "Do you mind" it was so cute. You can see the love emanating from them. I was sitting right next to the window and then I turn and who is outside listening? Toshi Reagon, I was really worried for the other artists because I just couldn't see how anyone could follow that up, but they more than held their own.

Next up we had Shelley Nicole's Blak Bushe, unfortunately I was in the back and the place was packed so I couldn't see her hot legs everyone kept talking about. Her performance was hot though. She started out with a song that made me mad that I was single, and then continued on with my new stressed out life sucks song Black Girls which is on the U People soundtrack. She was amazing, she just picked up the guitar and was jamming the whole crowd was so into it. Then in the middle of her set who walks in? None other than Macy Gray (remember me and how star struck I get, yeah you can only imagine). Shelley Nicole was just amazing!

More on me an my Star struckness, as Shelley nicole finishes her set the couple that was sitting next to me and my friend get up and leave. I see the guy motioning towards someone telling them that there are two seats and then Tika Milan walks over and sits down right next to me. I wanted to say something, I wanted to say I really liked her on I'm from Rolling Stone, I wanted to say she had a cool shirt which she did, but all I did was get really stiff and try to ignore her. I was so nervous I couldn't even smile lol. I did manage to say something to her, when I was waiting to sign my check I asked her for a pen.... I know, monumental conversation.

Next up was Honey Larochelle, and I had seen her on last weeks podcast and she wasn't shy but I did not expect her to have so much energy on stage. She was absolutely amazing, her voice was beautiful and all of the horns. Her song about her mother's advice was so beautiful and touching.

After it was all over, everyone was selling CD's and unfortunately I had less the money than I thought and ran out of money before I could get Hanifah Walidah's CD. She handed me a flyer thing for the movie and I got star struck so all I could do was smile. Now mind you I had hyped myself up as to what I was going to say to her. I was going to tell her that I had sent her a myspace message and taken a picture with her and Olive at their New York screening. I wanted to say how great a job she did and how she's such an inspiration. But what did I do? Smile like a big doof.

Overall the night was amazing, it was filled with amazing Queer women of many colors, and there were also Queer men and straight women and men. It was amazing environment. I didn't want it to end. One last tidbit about how star struck I got as I was walking my friend to the bus stop and we were trying to find the right train for her to take we stopped and asked some women and Gloria Bigelow was one of them and again what did I do? Smile like a doof. Eh, next time I will speak. Now go over to U People and watch for yourself and while you over there you should drop some money their way to support the film. Don't forget to watch their weekly podcast/vlog every week either at UPeople-themovie.com or on AfterEllen.com . Here's a picture of me Hanifah and Olive, at the NYC screening of U People in October. You know I gotta keep my identity secret and all so I've done an artistic rendering of me lol

Tasha!!!

I just found these clips on youtube of my reason for staying interested in the L Word, Tasha. She is paired with one of my favorite characters Alice and they are just too cute. I'm not really a fan of the aggressiveness that she posesses but its such an improvement over their other portrayals of Black women. So yeah its progress, but enjoy oh and the third clip is definitely not work safe





Again this clip is NOT work safe








::UPDATE:: So as I'm continuing on in my Rose Rollins induced coma I happened upon this blog dedicated to none other than my future wife Rose Rollins! So please go over support and drool. http://roserollinsfanblog.blogspot.com/

It's Christmas eve

Now picture this lady as Black and with locs and you have me. It's Christmas Eve I should be feeling great and stress free. But, I have more applications due in about a week and I'm pretty sure there is no way that I can make the deadline. I'm tempted to drop two more schools from my list. I still haven't finished that last paper, and my head hurts so bad from thinking about this all I have no way to function. I'm going to try and finish everything tomorrow.... pray for me!

Dani, Dani, Dani!!!

As you all know I am horribly addicted to TV. My latest guilty pleasure has been A shot at love with Tila Tequila, which is an absolutely horrible tv show. It only reinforces stereotypes about lesbian and bi women, it subjects these women to so much blatant homophobia and racism that it makes me sick. However, there has been one shining star that has kept me watching and that's Dani Campbell. She is the "futch" firefighter on the show, and is oh so hot! She's down to earth never bad mouthing the other people on the show, and she's just great. I'm so obsessed that anacoana has threatened me if I mentioned her name again, but I can''t help it she's just so damn hot, and that talentless idiot Tila Tequila didn't pick her.

On the one hand I'm happy because she's too good for her, but on the other hand I can't believe she didn't see that Bobby was a troll and Dani a goddess. I just don't get it so. There's my rant on Tila Tequila and now let's all stare at the beauty that is Dani Campbell.

I thought she was hot from the first time I saw her in her firefighter outfit, which you can see at about 2:20 in the video below. You can also get a nice taste of what's wrong with this show from the clip.



Oh an Amanda's a hypocrite she talks about gross "butchy" girls but she was on The secret lives of women: Lipstick lesbians, with her very butch girlfriend.



Anyway back to ::swoon:: Dani!

TASHA!!!!

January 6 can't come soon enough actually December 30 on ourchart

I need a vacation

I need a vacation

I'm so stressed that my eye is twitching. According to this website it can be caused by excessive stress, lack of sleep and fatigue. Yup that sounds about right. DAMN GRAD SCHOOL!

Is this too much?

Remember my whole thing with being "post gay" would buying this be considered going to far?


lol just kidding I don't think I'm going to buy it but I did think about it for like 30 seconds or a minute whatever

Finals time

Finals time is here, I've already completed two papers but I have two more to go for actual grades this semester and this is not counting my thesis stuff and PhD application stuff I need to get done. I'm so stressed out right now words can not describe it. It is times like these that I wonder why I'm in grad school and whether or not I really wanna continue on. I'm so stressed that I can't do anything, and this leads me to further stress out. I'm sitting here and I feel my chest tightening from the weight of this coming week. I don't know if I can really do it all and what are the implications of any of it not getting done. The last time I felt like this I utilized the wonderful gift Di gave me last year for Christmas.
It really helped me last time and hopefully this time it'll work again. I just pray that I make it through this year, and in my PhD program I'll learn how to handle things better. I just can't go on like this there's got to be a better way.

I don't know why but I'm really feeling this song.

2 am teeth grinding

It's 2 am I'm working on a presentation, and what I've come to realize is that I grind my teeth. Does anyone know how to stop this, besides getting rid of the stress in your life?

I love afterellen.com

I love afterellen.com and this is why

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

I would love to write a post

I would love to write a post about my friend's recent assault. I would love to write something so prolific and profound that it somehow made a difference, not only in her life but in the world. I wish that in writing about how I can hear the hurt in her voice, and how someone who always sounds happy and full of life sounds like she's had that beaten out of her. I wish above all that I could somehow take the pain away from my friend. I wish, I wish, I wish that this all never happened.

In search of home

Oh the frustration, I'm home in Connecticut and I have been anxiously waiting to get home and away from the middle of nowhere and all was well for the most part, I got to see my beautiful nephew who absolutely loves me, which is evident in the way I'm consistently able to make him smile. I know that my family loves me, but its not that simple.

This is my first holiday being semi out, I don't know who knows I'm a lesbian and who doesn't. I come home to find out that my mom has outed me to my crazy conservative aunt, knowing that I was thinking that everyone knew. But the environment was very different. Lesbians were brought up several times and it was never in a completely positive light. First I find out that my "player" cousin, who is a sweet heart but is also a dog, he has several kids by several different women. Apparently the latest development is that two of the women are now together. Now discussing this my uncle seemed unable to comprehend such a thing and there were also a bunch of ewwwws. This was by my family who I'm guessing doesn't know about me but my mother kept talking about how she looked like a dyke in this one picture. Then there was a commercial where two womem were kissing and again in typical teenager fashion we heard lots oh ewwwwws.

I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about coming out and coming home for the holidays, but I still wasn't prepared for all of this. I'm beginning to understand why so many queer folks have created families. If my family's general ambivalence and disdain towards lesbians weren't enough there were the 3 fights with my older sister, in which I get accused of holding my degree over everyone's heads, made me yearn for this even more. Unfortunately some experiences with "friends" have left me less than hopeful about getting this family.

But this week home has made me want that safe place, that place where I'm understood and accepted. But I don't even know if that place exists so I'm on my way back to the middle of no where and to my apartment where I may be alone but at least I don't have to put up with no bull shit

I'm ready to go back

I think I'm ready to go back to Church. I just finished watching Sunday's Best on BET, its basically a gospel American Idol and I was just hit with the spirit through my TV and I realized I miss church. I didn't think about who was judging me, but all I cared about was restoring my relationship with God. Now I know everyone has their own path to God, but I think I need to return to my path through Christianity. I know I'll find the right path, but I have to say this show just reminded me about what I loved about church. I miss that! So I don't know how but I'm going to find a church where I can be comfortable and worship God.

Laptop Etiquette

Okay so right now as I'm typing this I'm in class, and yeah yeah sure I shuld be paying complete attention, but come on let's be real one of the main reasons why I have my laptop is so that I can surf the web when I'm bored i nclass. I get it, and completely recognize that this is one of the reasons why many people use their laptops in class, and I'm okay with it. I still get my work done though. My problem though is that while I am very quietly doing something else this loud heffer in front of me is typing away so fucking loudly that I want throw something at her. She's tap tapping away and its annoying as hell so in light of this I decided to post some laptop etiquette for the classroom, just in case this annoying heffer in front of me happens to read this.

1. try and type softly and quietly, while you may be able to deal with your loud tapping the rest of the class wants to cause you severe bodily harm (well maybe that last part is just me)

2. If you are going to go online and surf the web do not sit in a spot where the majority of the class can see what you're doing, its distracting.

3. try to at least appear to be taking notes in class, open up a word document and only type when it would seem appropriate to do so. We all know you're not paying attention, even the professor does, but it's rude to not even attempt to hide it.

4. TURN YOUR SOUND OFF!!!! Now I'm guilty of this every once in a while so a few times are excusable , but please try remember to mute your computer no one wants to hear all the random noises computers make.

If you follow these four simple rules you will be alright

Kate Moennig I'm calling you out!

Just watched the new promo for the L word and all I only have one message for Kate Moenning

STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!!!

I understand its hard with Rose being so damn hot, but I would really appreciate it if you would stay away from my wife and stop trying to ruin our marriage. Thank you

Sincerely Journey Woman aka Mrs. Rose Rollins


Katherine "Kate" Moennig




Here's the promo

I don't think I'm going to vote tomorrow

I don't think I'm going to vote tomorrow and I feel horrible about it. I completely forgot that tomorrow was election day, and then realized that in my present state the big race is the race for governor, and I know who is running but they both suck. What I realized here is that everyone is conservative. At the recent gubernatorial debate, both candidates got into an extended argument over hunting.... HUNTING! Forget all the crazy shit they should be focusing on, they want to argue over who can kill more innocent animals. Now I'm no vegetarian, or even extreme animal rights person, but I just can't get with hunting. What do candidates use for smere tactics who is more a liberal. Here being liberal is a bad word. So after a recent story on just how conservative these candidates are I just can't bring myself to vote for either of them, and with the exception of the new proposed library tax I know very little about what's going on. So because of all of this I don't think I'm going to vote. This is rough considering I value voting, my mother instilled the importance of voting from the time I was a child. She would take us in the voting booth with her, and it was always such a big deal to get to pull the lever. So to not vote is killing me, but I just don't think that it would be responsible of me to do so. Ahh I don't know what to do, I might cave.

Diet Woes

Okay so now a real post, besides just random pictures of my facebook avatar, because damn that was kinda pathetic.

Well I'm on a diet, and I fucking hate it!! I hate having to say no to food that I really really want. I'm currently over 200 lbs, but I carry it well if I do say so myself, but not well enough for me to stop hating my body. I'm just tired of being a big girl, I'm tired of being "thick" I'm tired of not feeling sexy. I just want to be thin, but I know I'll never be thin my body just wasn't built to be thin. But I can be thinner than I am right now. So finally getting tired of being fat I decided to change my eating habits. I'm taking baby steps towards my goal. I already walk 2 miles three times a week to my job, so I figure combine that with better eating habits and eventually some motivation and I will lose weight. I've tried to set up exercise schedules for myself but it doesn't work because I'm not that motivated. Eventually I will exercise in my house, but I hate gyms and am against anyone seeing me in work out clothes. People who don't have serious weight problems don't know what its like to be a big person and go to the gym. I always feel like people are watching me, and judging me. Its intimidating to go into the gym where these skinny minis are jogging on the treadmills and I'm in pain after a short time. I've tried going to the gym when I was in undergrad with my friends, who with the exception of one are a lot thinner than I am and I felt embarrassed. So now I don't do gyms, maybe when I lose some weight and am feeling more comfortable I will but for now its not gonna happen. I'm dieting because I hate being the fat girl, I hate that I hate my body.


Dieting is hard, right now all I want is a cupcake or a cupcake like food. I get these weird cravings for sweet and starchy foods, and nothing really satisfies me but something like that, but part of my diet is seriously cutting back on the sweets. I just ate the last sweet thing in my apt, which was a toaster's strudel pastry. Now my house is sweet free. I bought sugar free Jello for when I want something sweet, and I have only wheat bread products in my house. Wheat English muffins, breads and pastas. I don't have any juice or soda only 5 calorie Crystal light, and water. I'm also drinking water now which my friends know is a big deal. I eat lots of veggies and have cut down on my beef and given up on pork entirely. I'm really trying to make a change, but times like now make that really really hard. So hopefully by the fall I'll be about 50 pounds lighter and a lot happier.

random

So I recognize I haven't posted in a while, all is well. My family is still dealing with my cousin being pregnant, but no one besides her mother is freaking out. But, we're moving on. Anyway trying to figure out this whole PhD program, and thesis mess, but when I'm procrastinating like I often do I play the games on facebook and they allow to create your own avatar. So just to post here is my tofoo and the many ways I've changed it

I feel like I'm in mourning

I feel like I'm in mourning, and I feel bad about it. I'm mourning the loss of my little cousin's childhood, she's fifteen and its all over now, its time for her to become an adult and I'm so sad about it. I'm feeling so many conflicting things I don't even know how to describe it. She's had it rough especially these last couple of years. She's had to deal with sexual abuse, her mother and all her craziness, and just instability in her life. But, through it all I've tried to remind her of how beautiful she is, and how she can accomplish anything. I was fighting for her so hard because I saw this coming. The signs were all there low self esteem, crazy home life, lack of parental attention, and all the wrong attention from boys. I saw from when she lost her virginity at 13 to a boy who lied about his age and didn't care about her at all. And now, as if her life hasn't been hard enough its about to get even harder because her life is no longer her own. I spoke to her briefly online today and she told me how in between her mother screaming and cussing her out her mother finally told her that she's HIV positive. She's been positive for the last 10 years of her life, and admits all this stress now she has more to deal with. I'm so mad at her though and I hate that I'm mad at her but I am, because while there have been so many people fighting for her she hasn't been fighting for herself. She's never allowed herself to dream about big things, and I'm mad about that. She's beautiful, intelligent, talented and just a great person but she doesn't see that in herself and it hurts. I just don't know how to proceed because since I've found out this has been the most I've been able to speak on this. I just don't know what to do.