Friday, July 09, 2010

Journey, love, me.

I'm still on a journey, but a much different one than I thought when I started this blog. When I started I thought my journey was about learning how to live my life as a Lesbian. Now I realize that it's just a part of a greater journey to learn how to live a healthy life. A large part of that is learning how to love me, all of me. Every roll, every scar, ever bump, every neurotic habit, Everything. I am by no means there or even close to being there yet, but I'm closer than I was before. I just washed my hair, and I didn't re-twist it because it's the summer time and it doesn't stay twisted for long anyways. So I left my hair alone and now I'm sporting a serious fro. I'm trying to be ok, with my hair not looking right. I'm trying to be ok with me just as I am. I also am trying to accept and care for my body in it's current state. I have a large scar across my abdomen, I'm trying to love my scar, and the rolls it bisects. I'm trying to love my thick thighs and saggy boobs. So I'm gonna keep saying:

I love my scars, inside and out.
I love my rolls.
I love my hair, in whatever state.
I love the gap between my teeth.
I love my skin.
I love me.

I don't believe everything I just wrote, but if I keep saying it then hopefully one day. I'll be able to write/say this and it'll all be true.

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde