Letter to my former friend on the anniversary of her mother’s death,
I don’t know what to say to you. We were really close and I trusted you more than I do most people. I let you in where I hadn’t anyone else; I took a chance with you and our group of friends and you more than others. We were friends, we were sisters I relied on you, and needed you. But, you couldn’t be there for me 100% . You wanted to pick and choose which parts of me you acknowledged and befriended and I can’t handle that, and it kills me. I really miss you, there are so many jokes no one else gets and so many times you helped me through that I could definitely use you for now in my life. But, a lot of those situations involve women, women who are Queer like me, who love other women like me, and I know you don’t want to be involved in those situations. I know you won’t go with me to a pride celebration or a random discussion or documentary. When I find the love of my life, we can’t express our love in front of you without you being uncomfortable. I wanted to be auntie to your kids, but will you allow your kids to come over my house? Can my partner and I sleep in the same bed at your house? I know that the answers to these questions aren’t the ones that I want to hear. Because of all these things we can’t be friends. I wish it was different, I wish I could talk to you about the girl I met that I think is hot, but I can’t. I know your faith comes above everything else and your faith does not permit you to “encourage” my lifestyle. So our friendship has to end.
Despite all this, I still love you like a sister and I loved your mother like she was my blood. I grieved when I first heard about her death, and I grieved even more when I saw the hurt on your face. So because I loved her so much I couldn’t let her day she died past another year without saying something to you, because I know she wanted us to look after each other. So that’s why I contacted you, but I just can’t handle dealing with our issues anymore. I can’t handle you saying you want to hear from me, because you can’t handle all of me.