Friday, February 29, 2008

Marginalize This!!

I am so fucking tired of this election season!!
I just watched the Gay Agenda vlog over on After Ellen but its also up at the visible vote and After Elton. In it they asked the insightful comment of whether it was more radical to have a woman president or an African American man. Yes, they didn't qualify woman with white, because white is THE race and doesn't need to be qualified. I'm so tired of this thinking I'm posting below part of my comment that I left up there.

Let me start off by saying no I don't think that Clinton should withdraw, I really don't think the race has reached that point yet. But what really bothers me is the way that so many people especially Clinton supporters act as if Race is not an issue anymore in this country and this race. Well it is an issue when they want to claim some mystical Black card that the Clintons supposedly got so many years ago.

Is it more radical to have a woman than an African American man? was the question you asked, well tell me this does Clinton have no race? Why does Barack get a racial qualifier and Clinton doesn't? Is her womanhood raceless? Does she have no racial privilege? Oh I'm sorry apparently white privilege doesn't exist anymore, only male privilege.

I don't really care about you being objective or not, but just as you accuse of the media of having a bias towards Obama and ignoring the sexism directed towards Clinton. You two are completely ignoring any racial implications involved in this race. Simply posing the question of is it more radical to have a woman or an African American male. Is building on the assumption that sex oppression is somehow worst than race based oppression. This thinking is what has led to the continued marginalization of Women of color.

I wish that they were the only ones who were doing this, but no Christine Craft manages to be even more offensive in an article for SF Gate. Some of my favorite parts are

While sexism hasn't had the same hideous history of lynchings as its companion "ism," the case can be made that gender bias is even more prevalent, more accepted, more insidious and more likely to die a drawn-out death. The presidential campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton is this thesis writ large.

I was taken aback years ago when I had a conversation with Anita Hill. She told me the most disheartening turn of her righteous objection to the coronation of Clarence Thomas had been the attacks she bore from women. She saw all too clearly then that women were the last n-words, conditioned to denigrate their own kind.

that last one reminded me of an essay that I read in Pearl Cleage's book Deals with The Devil. Where she quotes Yoko Ono saying that Women are the niggers of the world. Pearl brilliantly asked after then what are Black women? I'm so sick and tired of the way this election is shaping discourse!

Then we have Tina Fey saying "Bitch is the new Black!" Please someone tell me what the FUCK that is supposed to mean?

This should be an amazing and exciting time for the first time ever we have a White woman and a Black man who could actually gain the democratic nomination and even win! But, instead of being excited and motivated I'm reminded that as a woman of color I'm invisible. And my identity as a Queer woman of color is inconceivable but so many people, because everyone knows that all the women are white, all the men are Black and all the Queers are white men. But, some of us are more than brave!

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I know that there are other women of color out there of varying sexualities that are fighting to be heard, and won't have our voices marginalized. So here's to them, all the wonderful women that make fighting worth it!

Here's a wonderful quote from the amazing brownfemipower, it was from a post she had up about the Duke case. I love it so much that I frequently use it as an away message

"...I will stand beside any and all violated women of color, unquestioning and without apology, because I, too, am the lying stripper, the useless whore, the backstabbing "sister", the nasty 'ho, the unintelligent blogger, the uppity nigger, the DNA dripping slut.

We'll never shut up, and we'll never go away.

We've sung songs you'll never hear, we've created colors you've never dreamt of, and we know a love that you've killed for but you'll never own."

Oh Sara Ramirez!!

She's Hot, Gay friendly and speaks Spanish.... What more can you ask for. Excuse me Laura for lusting all over you wife, but damn!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Obama around the world

Now I'm a reluctant Obama supporter, I am going to vote for him in the primary even though I'm still strongly considering writing in Kucinnich, but if it's Obama or Clinton I'm going Obama. What I love is all the diverse Obama support videos here's a little snippet.
(h/t vivir latino)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Okay what is with all the drama! So remember the married girl who was trying to talk to me, and through the wise advice of you wonderful readers as well as others I realized that its just a bad idea to get involved. Well she just sent me a message asking why I was avoiding her and if she got her signals crossed. Okay so its true I have been avoiding her but not really, I've responded to all of her text messages, but not her facebook wall comment and her call which she sent right before the text. I'm just a little taken a back that we have to have this relationship type talk when we're not even in a relationship. We haven't even kissed or anything some drunken hand holding and a leg rub really doesn't constitute a situation where a talk needs to occur. Sure we tentatively set up a date but it wasn't an official date and there was no date set up! What the hell is going on!! Now I have to have this stupid conversation about how I'm not going to get involved with her because she's married.

I guess I didn't expect it to go there because nothing really happened warranting a conversation. There's only one girl that I could really see having legitimate reason for us to talk and ask why I'm sending mixed signals because I have. This married girl not so much. Its not really drama just annoying, I really wanted to respond to the text saying its not that serious!! Because it's really not!

I've found the woman of my dreams

Please meet Lyja

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Northwestern hates me

Today I saw the letter that I was praying that I wouldn't get, my rejection letter from Northwestern's African American Studies PhD program. It was my first choice and now my second rejection I got rejected from UC Irvine's Culture and Theory program. They were both high on my list and now I'm wait listed at Ohio state and waiting to hear from IU Bloomington and Rutgers. Someone's already heard from IU Bloomington and I haven't heard anything so its not looking promising. I could care less about these other programs but I was just really hoping Northwestern would be a yes. My little cousin is here visiting and she's the only reason that I haven't crawled into bed and stayed there. So yeah things really need to turn around and quick because I really don't have a plan B. I'm not planning on staying in this Godforsaken city I'm in now so it'll be go back home where I don't have a room, get a job and try this whole thing all over again. I'm just pissed and upset and am praying that I get in somewhere, anywhere.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Oh the Wonderfullness

Okay I bow down to the wonderfullness (yeah I did just make that word up and what?!) that is GreyDay. Who is Grey Day you might ask? Well she's the wonderful person behind the Rose Rollins fan blog. She was fortunate enough to actually speak with my future wife (yes I know that we haven't met, and technically she's hetero, but those are just a few minor details). Well my wife is so wonderful that she graciously sent some beautiful pictures of herself to the site and I highly suggest that you go and check them out!

Oh just in case you needed more evidence why me and Rose are meant to be, this is what our daughter will look like once they make the technology available for two women to have children together.

p.s. Grey Day next time you talk to my wife let her know that all the arrangements are being set up in Canada for our fabulous wedding!! ;-)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

official bitter single woman I hate valentines day post

This is my official bitter single woman I hate valentines day post.
I found these at Be my anti valentine

yes I'm bitter, and mad the only person that wants me is married and therefore unavailable. But Happy Valentines day to all those who are actually enjoying this holiday with someone they love. Oh and I only have about 400 facebook friends

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Advice needed

Help I need advice!!
So here's the deal I like a girl and she likes me, normally it'd all be good but she's married ... to a man. She's bi and I have no issues with that, but her being married worries me. I'm currently not interested in being in a serious long term relationship, especially since I'm moving in some months. So in my head this sounds like a good arrangement, the relationship could only get so serious because she's married and when I commit to someone I want it to be just us two. But I'm afraid that this could all blow up in my face especially since this would be my first relationship with a woman. I just set up a date for the end of this week, am I crazy? Should I walk away? I don't know what to do!! Help

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Live Blogging from my bathroom

Live Blogging from my bathroom.

Why am I blogging from my bathroom? Because we currently have a tornado warning and I'm scared. I hear the tornado sirens going as well as other emergency sirens. So I have set up shop in my bathroom and don't plan on leaving until the sirens end. This is scary I'm moving back to the Northeast, I hate the mid west/ south its just not safe.

Monday, February 04, 2008

I HATE being scared

All of my friends know that I tend to be a little scared and slightly paranoid, well today my fears were reinforced. I was sitting at my desk as usual watching TV I had my blinds open and am just enjoying my Sunday. Then I notice some movement by my blinds I look a little closer, because it was right near the staircase towards my neighbors apartment, however, this was not my neighbor. It was another man he moved from in front of my window further back where you can see more clearly in my apartment. He saw me looking and moved away, I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. So I called my best friend and she told me to call the police, and they came and checked the area. They didn't find anything, but I'm still scared. I don't know what he wanted, was he a rapist, a murderer, a murder and a rapist, a peeping tom? I have no idea and it scares me. I have a hammer and a knife next to me, I've barricaded myself in my apartment and no one will get in this apartment without me hearing them. But, despite all these safeguards I'm still worried that he will come back and he will get in. I finally closed my blinds, but I was hesitant to do so because I'd like to at least be able to see if someone is near my home, but I'm not even sure about that.
All the statistics about home invasions are running through my head, the statistic that 1 out of 4 women will be raped in her lifetime, and I worry if I'm going to be that one. I'm scared and I HATE being scared. I don't know what to do, I've never been a fan of guns, but in this moment I understand why people have them. I just want to feel safe and I don't know how.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Patricia Moreno saved my diet!!

Who is this Patricia Moreno you ask? Well she is the woman that saved my exercise routine. It all started with a Borders coupon and my impulses lol. I went to Borders with the intention of getting 40% off a box set, I figured why not get the L word, unfortunately they didn't have it but I ended up buying seasons 1 and 4 my favorite so far. While I'm contemplating the difficult decision of whether to buy the L word or SVU I saw a Gaiam yoga section, they are the company that I bought my yoga kit from so me having a recently deposited pay check decided to go over and see what else I could spend my money on, and I saw a kick boxing yoga fusion DVD and I was won over. I needed something to get me to do more cardio and I heard kick boxing was fun so I figured why not.

Fast forward to me bailing on my friend and deciding to stay home and watch bad lifetime movies. After my movies and my junk food binge I decided to try out this DVD, so I put on my workout gear that I will only wear in the privacy of my own home and got started. I have to say that I really liked the DVD, she was easy to follow and fun to look at. But, enough objectifying her, the point is that she made it fun. I am now a work out video connoisseur, and the yoga videos are all very calming and peaceful, but the cardio/aerobic videos you need them to motivate you. I already own sweating in the spirit and I have to say she comes of as phoney, even when she's supposed to be praising God it seems staged. I didn't realize how much it bothered me until I got this video. When Patrica Moreno says come on you can do it and smiles, its always at a rough part and she seems sincere. The work out was fun, energetic and not too complicated. It was also a lot of fun to do. So I do believe that I have found a workout video that works for me.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Exercise is not for big girls!

Okay so I'm on this let's get healthy and lose 50 lbs by the time I start my PhD program (hopefully in the fall) kick. I really need to relax and I've always wanted to try yoga. So not wanting to embarrass myself and on an impulse buy, I bought this starting yoga kit. This kit came with a mat, a block, a strap and a "complete" DVD. The DVD turned out to be a 15min AM work out, a prop work out about another 15min and a small illustration which doesn't really tell you what to do. It sort of assumes you already know. So not being deterred I bought a real beginner yoga DVD. The first one wasn't that bad when I tried it was all the back bends. But today I tried sitting poses and it’s so annoying because they were not made for big girls, matter of fact curvy people. I wish that this problem was only in yoga, but my senior year I took Karate and had the same problem. What was that problem you asked? My curves get in the way! In karate when we would be asked to bring our arms all the way to our chest, my chest would get in the way. I would get so frustrated because my instructor would tell me to bring it over closer when it was just impossible. The last bra I fit was a 40 DDD, now a few months ago I went to buy some more and yeah they didn't fit anymore. So I'm well endowed to say the least. I'm also not lacking in the butt area, I'm not saying this to tell everyone how curvy I am, but to say I've got more than your average girl. So what am I to do when they require your back to completely flat against the ground, its just not possible!

Are there any workout programs that know how to deal with an amply blessed woman lol? I'm just sick in tired of being completely frustrated by exercise programs that work on the premise that every person doing them has a small to average chest, and a flat butt! I know I'm not the only one! Ladies tell me your stories, has anyone overcome this?

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde