Friday, August 24, 2007

For my Sisters

As I was writing a letter to my friend who is studying in Trinidad right now, this song cycled through my play list.

This is one of my favorite movies, and definitely one of my favorite parts in the movie. I loved Shug and Celie's relationship in the movie and even more in the book, because it showed women connecting on a much deeper level. Their relationship wasn't for anyone else, but it was for them.

There's just something beautiful about it. As I was writing I just wanted to insert the song in to my letter for my friend. Not just the lyrics but the smooth sound of Shug's voice the empowerment that she conveyed was just amazing. This isn't to take away from the lyrics
Sister, you've been on my mind
Sister, we're two of a kind
So, sister, I'm keepin' my eye on you.

I betcha think I don't know nothin'
But singin' the blues, oh, sister,
Have I got news for you, I'm something,
I hope you think that you're something too

Scufflin', I been up that lonesome road
And I seen alot of suns going down
Oh, but trust me,
No-o low life's gonna run me around.

So let me tell you something Sister,
Remember your name, No twister
Gonna steal your stuff away, my sister,
We sho' ain't got a whole lot of time,
So-o-o shake your shimmy Sister,
'Cause honey the 'shug' is feelin' fine.

I already posted a clip from the documentary, but every time I go to that site and see a clip I feel more and more empowered, why? Because it reminds me that I have a community out there. I'm not alone, there are other Black women struggling with the same things I am. That's when I remember how important it is for me to be out and to seek out other Black lesbians. Another clip they have posted features Hanifah Walidah talking about the necessity of having elders in your life who have been through the same thing.

I love how she points out that as precious your relationship with you mother is, you still need others. As much as I love my friends and they've been there for me through so much, I still need my Black lesbian community, because there are somethings that my friends will never understand, and that's okay. When I'm around other Black lesbians I feel at home. Its a feeling that I can not explain, and I feel good when I can encourage another sister struggling with her sexuality. Earlier this week I spoke with a sister who has long declared that she's open to having a relationship with a woman, is now struggling with the implications of this relationship now that it is a possibility to actually occur. She was saying things that I had long felt and understood, and we got to just talk. I don't know if I gave her great insight, but I told her what I needed to hear when I was dealing with my own sexuality... It is okay. Something so simple, It is okay to love who I love, and to be who God created me to be. I look at how I have changed since graduating from undergrad and how my life has changed, and I'm happy with all of the changes, because I am a stronger person for them. I still have a ways to go, but what is important is that I'm going, and on this long journey I'm not alone. I have my sisters and I know that I'll be able to make it.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Black Womyn Conversations

I'm so excited for this documentary, words can't even describe it. I'm in awe of Tiona M, and the film hasn't even come out yet, but just check out this clip. For more info check out her blog

Friday, August 17, 2007


Oh Shit 2 posts in one day!!

After Ellen just put up an amazing playlist of funk/soul sistas and wow! It is on point minus Beyonce! go check it out!

Mia Michaels is the Shit!

No more explanation just watch and enjoy

Thursday, August 16, 2007


I looove Music!!!!

The right song is the perfect compliment to whatever you're feeling. There are the songs you play when you're mad and want to calm down and then their are songs you play when you're mad and want to stay mad. I find that most of my music is more to calm me down and keep me mellow. Have you ever found that when you put your music on shuffle sometimes you hit a few songs which are just perfect. Thats what just happened. I was listening to music and then Luther Vandross' since I lost my baby came on, and that started me off with blasting my music then next was Corinne Bailey Rae "til it happens to you" which I've included below for your pleasure.

Then we had Chaka Khan Through the fire,

and it was just beautiful so I wanted to share with you all as much as I could. What music just puts you in that place of calm, and relaxation that you crave?

Monday, August 13, 2007

Trip home

I don't see how it is that I updated more when I was in Trinidad than since I've been home. It has been a whirlwind week. I got back from Trinidad late on the 3rd and flew home to CT on the 9th. In between then I had to reclaim my house from fruit flies, try and organize/unpack a little more, and also write a paper for my Trinidad class, which I still haven't done. Fortunately I had a great time being home; I spent most of my time in some area of NYC and mainly with anacoana because it was her baby shower. The baby shower was simply amazing; it was great seeing so many people I haven't seen since I graduated a year ago. It was interesting trying to be true to who I am now as opposed to the person I was when I graduated. I didn't want to slip in to the old image of me, but I am still having a hard time completely breaking that old image and revealing the true me. This was evident in how I awkwardly was walking around with a beer, or how I had to sneak and make myself a drink so to not draw attention to me. I already had to answer a few "oh my goodness is that a beer in your hand?" which was nothing but awkward. I didn't come out to anyone this weekend and mainly kept my sexuality quiet, but this weekend wasn't about announcing my sexuality to people it was about celebrating the pending arrival of my Godson. There was only one instance in which it would have been relevant for me to announce my sexuality, and I didn't in that instance because I was involved in a debate with a "friend" about whether heterosexism was an important system of oppression. In that case I didn't feel like he was worthy of getting to know more about me.

As I said before the baby shower was beautiful, not only did I get to hang out with my best friend but I also got to chill with TS. Being around Anacoana makes me not want to get pregnant, not because she was miserable and made pregnancy look like it, but because she's like 8.5 months pregnant and is carrying it so well, and I know I won't be as fortunate. But overall she's going to be an amazing mother, and I can't wait to see what her little boy is going to look like.

I also got to hang out with my brother and sister in law and see her belly. She's about 2.5 weeks ahead of anacoana and my little nephew is already 6.5 pounds and he still has a month to go. My family doesn't have little babies; I was my mom's lightest at 8 pounds. Unfortunately my sister in law hasn't enjoyed the minimal weight gain like anacoana and has gained weight everywhere but is still beautiful and glowing. I also had a very interesting conversation with my brother concerning my sexuality. It was weird and slightly frustrating because he was asking about the elephant in the room, and I didn't feel like I was purposefully ignoring the subject of my sexuality it just didn't have any place in the conversation that we were having, he was encouraging me to talk about it more with my mom, which was weird because I don't feel like I hide anything from my mom. While I understand his point that my mom wants to talk about it more, but I simply will not be rushed/pushed on anything anymore. What I feel like my family doesn't understand is that this has nothing to do with them. My sexuality is not about them, it is about me. I understand they want to know more and be involved, but I'm not going to go at a rate that is uncomfortable to me in order to appease them, and they're just going to have to deal with it. So this has been overall a very interesting little visit.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

I'm back and bored

So thanks to I discovered which allowed me to envision many possibilities

like what would me and Rose Rollins' daughter look like

Sorry Laura but I had to see what me and Sara Ramirez's daughter would look like and she's cute too

then Me and Staceyann Chin

then what about Rose Rollins and Staceyann Chin

me and Salma Hayek

Sara Ramirez and Jennifer and Laura's fantasy women

and finally another one of my fantasies me and Jennifer Hudson

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Happy Emancipation Day!!!!

Today was one of the most exhilarating days that I've ever had here in Trinidad. This whole entire trip was worth it all if only for the Emancipation day parade. Today I was able to take part in an Emancipation day celebration and it was beautiful. Here in Trinidad along with some festivities building up to today, Emancipation day is celebrated with a Kambule, a procession through out Port of Spain. It was absolutely beautiful! This is how I described it in an email to someone today and it fit so I'm not going to just paste it here.

It was amazing, the solidarity, and the love. For this one day we could forget all of what the Colonizers did to try and make us forget our history our people, our heritage, and we were all African again. It was beautiful as far as my eye could see there were tons of Beautiful Black people in African clothing. It was amazing, all you heard was African music and Calypso songs about Africa and the beauty in being Black. The walk was long but beautiful filled with the beautiful beat of the drum. After today I understand more than ever how the drum is the heart beat, because the bass was so loud that I felt the beat in my heart literally and it felt like it was completely in tune with the beating of my heart. It was beautiful! As we were walking I felt like I was apart of a larger community. I felt like I was surrounded by my people and that in the end we will win. I'm trying my best to describe it, but words can't do it justice. The whole day I kept trying to take pictures, record sound, do something to capture this wonderful movement and send it on. I didn't mean to type movement but I decided to leave it because it fits so well, it’s a movement to remember our collective past and celebrate our future.

This celebration was not only for those who were forced out of Africa by the slave trade, but also those that left voluntarily years later and those who still remain there. Because Emancipation day is about remembering our past and healing/restoring ourselves. We all suffered at the hands of colonialism and this is the celebration of our continued struggle against it. I'm trying my best to describe everything I saw and felt and heard, but it’s impossible. Sometime when we were transported from Africa to the various countries we stopped being African, we became American, Trinidadian, Brazilian, Dominican etc, but today we were all one. I saw people of all ages out celebrating; children with their parents and the elderly who could barely walk, but came out to celebrate this wonderful day. Emancipation Day is something everyone needs to experience at least once in their lives, because after it you will never be the same.

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde