Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
okay not really, but I'm taking applications. I've got it all figured out. Its going to be a small wedding on a beach in South Africa. All I need now is the woman....Actually This woman
the lovely Staceyann Chin
Isn't she gorgeous?! But I'm not so shallow as to only go on looks, but she's sooooooooooo smart and outspoken, and political, and passionate, she's perfect!!
Now all I have to do is meet her and make her fall madly in love with me. Not like thats hard or anything, have you met me? ... Okay most of you probably haven't but trust me I've got it going on! LOL in all seriousness Staceyann Chin is absolutely amazing! Her poems move me, she's so honest about everything she writes about, its almost too much. So if anyone is best friends with her and wants to set us up just let me know :D
Its Midnight and I have a bunch of reading to do for tomorrow, and I have to get up early which I HATE! What am I doing? Reading for class tomorrow? Sleeping? No I'm reading blogs, posting on my blog and contemplating which of my new books am I going to read. I get a new book in the mail and I get excited! Help!
What I'm supposed to be reading:
What I want to read instead:
Self Organizing Men
Two Thousand Seasons
Spoils of War
I wonder which group will win the fight? okay enough procrastinating and off to do some work. I seriously recommend you pick up any of these books even African Philosophy good stuff!!
Thanks again Vegankid for the recommendation, I'm only a couple of pages in and I already love it!
Monday, January 22, 2007
that could adequately convey my emotion.
I am lost.
the perpetual outsider
floating in space
never at home.
a loveless heart
torn a part
My heart longs for my former life.
My heart aches for my God.
My heart aches for a life that I was never destined to have.
Where do you go?
Where do you go?
when you are rejected by everyone?
Where is home?
Where is safety.
the words won’t allow themselves to come out
they are caught
in my throat
in my heart,
in my eyes
begging for release.
for a life that I have yet to fully accept?
I don’t know how not to be me,
where is my pride?
one mask for another
The pain is ever present in my heart
and I have no idea of how to expel it.
I would really like to see where I made my choice?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I got it
We gazed, talked, and loved deeply.
So I tag Anacoana, Jason and Diana (maybe this will force her to post!)
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Today I cried, and I don't cry. I cried because I watched this documentary on logo called Southern Comfort. Southern Comfort is about a man named Robert Eades who died from cancer because he was Transgendered and no one would treat his ovarian cancer. They told him that they weren't taking any new patients; they told him that he would make their other patients uncomfortable. No one would treat him because he was a Trans man. When he first transitioned he wanted to have a hysterectomy, but they said he didn't need it and he died because of it. No one cared whether he lived or died, but he was a wonderful man. I just saw how loving and caring he was and how he cared for so many others. In the documentary he kept talking about his chosen family he showed so much love and the ones who could help him didn't. He said he was turned down by 20 doctors. 20 doctors are responsible for his death, and no one will be held accountable, and even if they were it wouldn't change anything he's still gone, he didn't get to see his grandson grow up like he wanted to, he didn't get to marry his girlfriend. All because he was Trans and I'm just so angry, I can't stand to see this happen, and the worst part is that I know that he's not alone, and he probably won't be the last Trans person to die because no one would treat him. I hate how people like to get in to little arguments and grand discussions about another person's life. They like to discuss whether or not they think that it’s okay with them to be him. And I have to admit I'm guilty of the same thing, I used to think why do you have to have the surgery, but I was wrong it’s not up to me or anyone else.
Recently there was a whole huge discussion about Trans folks on several blogs and some said some really horrible things. I just want to know where the fuck to do you get off? These so called liberals, open minded individuals who would rather see people be hurt rather than be inconvenienced. They want to argue about whether or not they should be allowed to use the same bathrooms because they would be uncomfortable with someone of the opposite gender or even non distinguishable gender be in the same bathroom with them.
I've wanted to write this post for a while especially after I saw Beautiful Daughters about an all trans woman cast of the Vagina Monologues. I love the Vagina Monologues and I love how they always manage to tell the personal stories of the women and their lives. I watched this documentary I saw all of these beautiful women and just admired and appreciated them. We need to go beyond ridiculous conversations and remember that you're not discussing an issue, you are discussing people's lives and there are real consequences for this. Brownfemipower did a great job at calling people out on their shit; I just hope that we can improve as people if this world is ever to have any hope.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I never thought that I'd be happy for lust. It’s really odd, growing up the good Christian girl in church they always talked about the evils of lust and when sitting around with my friends and we'd talk about the guys and how they had lusted after them. I would act like I knew exactly what they were talking about I'd co sign and add my little tid bits the whole time knowing that I had no idea what they were talking about. I would look at a guy and say oh he's really cute or ooo look at his chest, I was a great actress I knew how to fake attraction well. But, the whole time I knew in actuality I did not want to have sex with these men; I didn't even want them to touch me. However, I was very mindful of watching anything with female nudity because that was a problem. I think that the reason that I'm so prudish and that I never allowed my friends to be naked around me because I didn't want to tempt myself, but I had no problem with having pictures of half naked men around. I even remember saying to my friends, during one of our many conversations about men, I said “I don't really want to have sex with them" and I was waiting for them to be like yeah me too, but instead I got a chorus of I do's.
So this past weekend while at a party and meeting this girl who I was like WOW she's really sexy, I was happy. It was more than a desire for a girl it was the beauty of being free to be me. Now I'm not saying that I'm going to pursue this girl (I'm much to shy) but there's potential, there's space, and most importantly I'm no longer faking to fit in.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
By Audre Lorde
Once When I walked into a room
my eyes would seek out the one or two black faces
for contact or reassurance or a sign
I was not alone
now walking into rooms full of Black faces
that would destroy me for any difference
where shall my eyes look?
once it was easy to know
who were my people.
If we were stripped to our strength
of all pretense
and our flesh was cut away
the sun would bleach all our bones as white
as the face of my black mother
was bleached white by gold
does that measure me?
I do not believe
our wants have made all our lies
Under the sun on the shores of Elmina
a black man sold the woman who carried
my grandmother in her belly
he was paid with bright yellow coin
that shone in the evening sun
and in the faces of her sons and daughters.
When I see that brother behind my eyes
his irises are bloodless and without color
his tongue clicks like yellow coins
tossed up on his shore
where we share the same corner
of an alien and corrupted heaven
and whenever I try to eat
of easy blackness as salvation
I taste the color
of my grandmother's first betrayal
I do not believe
have made all our lies holy.
But I do not whistle his name at the shrine of Shopona
I do not bring down the rosy juices of death upon him
nor forget Orishala
is called the god of whiteness
who works in the dark wombs of night
forming the shapes we all wear
so that even the cripples and dwarfs and albinos
are sacred worshipers
when the boiled corn is offered.
in the face of history
I have forgiven myself
for the white meat
we all consumed in secret
before we were born
we shared the same meal
when you imaple me
upon your lances of narrow blackness
before you hear my heart speak
mourn your own borrowed blood
your own borrowed visions
Do not mistake my flesh for the enemy
do not write my name in the dust
before the shrine of the god of smallpox
for we are all children of Eshu
god of chance and the unpredictable
and we each wear many changes
inside our skin.
Armed with scars
in many different colors
I look in my own faces
as Eshu's daughter crying
if we do not stop killing
the other in ourselves
the self that we hate
soon we shall all lie
in the same direction
and eshidale's priests will be very busy
they who alone can bury
all those who seek their own death
by jumping up from the ground
and landing upon their heads.
Friday, January 05, 2007
I just read this disturbing story on CNN.com about Women and children who were brutally raped and killed in a poor New Delhi neighborhood. These women spoke out about how the Police ignored their reports of missing Children they told them to stop having so many children. When one woman reported her grown daughter missing they told her that her daughter had "loose character". These women did not gain any recognition until they found the remains of 17 women and children buried in a rich suburb in New Delhi.
It is ridiculous that these women had to lose thiner children before anyone would pay attention to the serial killers that were preying on them because they were poor. These killers knew that no one would believe them because they were poor, and they were able to get away with kidnapping and killing these people for at least 3 years! My question is when will our lives count? When will the lives of poor women and children be important enough to investigate when they are being attacked. If the police had seriously looked in to these cases they would have realized that there was a pattern. Instead all these self righteous classist, misogynistic police saw were women who couldn't keep their legs closed and couldn't keep track of their children. They didn't see their mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, friends and lovers who were pleading with them to help them. But these women are rising up they are fighting this neglect, they are not allowing their silence to be bought but they are speaking out, they are fighting. I just pray that their please will be heard.
**The banner will also take you directly to where you can vote**
Monday, January 01, 2007
Here are some artists that I can't get enough of lately
We have Corinne Bailey Rae, I absolutely love her music I just bought her album.
John Legend is the Man, his new album is GREAT!
I'm really feeling Alice Smith, the music isn't that clear in this clip but you should buy her album its worth every cent!
I just saw Dreamgirls and I am ABSOLUTELY in LOVE with Jennifer Hudson! This is one of the songs that she sings in the movie.
Oh and I don't know why but I love this song by Amy Winehouse
I wish you all a magnificent, prosperous and Blessed New Year!
I don't like making resolutions because they rarely stick, but I like the new beginning that a New Year brings, I like the thought that hey things are going to be different this time. I'm going to make a change I'm going to do something different. So in the spirit of the New Year, I plan to embrace myself more and be more true to me. I plan to continue to grow and learn and pass on my knowledge, I plan to let go of my baggage and my hang ups in this new year. Of course I could say these things any other day of the year, but I like the spirit of new beginnings that the new year brings, and I'm done with all the old silly resolutions that no one ever sticks to, but I'm all for the inner push. What are your plans for the New Year?
“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde