Saturday, August 26, 2006


Yesterday I was at a party with several other people in my program, and I got to have a very interesting conversation with another student. We were talking about various topics everything from HGTV to hurricane Katrina, and then we began to talk about the environments that we had grown up in. She's white and was talking about how when she grew up she knew only one black person. What impressed me the most was how she spoke of traveling abroad to Ghana, and how excited she was because one of her travel companions allowed her to ask her whatever question she wanted to about Black people. She was like she was nervous because she didn't want to be seen as racist but she had some questions that she really wanted to know. I don't know but this really hit me. I have been in so many situations where I get so upset with white people when they ask me dumb questions about being black. I never get questions like, how do you feel being in a predominantly white environment? I don't get questions about my experience as a black woman in America (very few people know I'm a lesbian so I don't get those questions), I get asked about what do all black people feel? Do I get sun burnt? Personally this pisses me off; I get so tired of having to educate white people about my race. However, talking to her made me slightly reconsider my position on things. As frustrating as it is for me to have to answer these questions I also get tired of having to deal with white people who just don't know certain things about Black people. Am I being unfair? Are they?
Where is the balance? I understand that no one gains knowledge without investigating and asking questions, but that doesn't stop me from getting aggravated. I live a life where so frequently I feel like an animal in the Zoo, so when a White person comes to me and asks me to teach them all about my people I feel further isolated in this society. They make me feel like an alien from another planet. So NO! I don't want to tell you all about my hair and my skin and no I don't want you to touch my locs and ask "How do you get your hair to do that?" I just want to be treated like a human. While I want all of this I also want people to know more about my people, but is it my job to educate them? I understand that many of the questions come out of pure curiosity, but when is enough, enough? Where is the place where the White person won't feel afraid to learn more about people of color and we people of color won't feel like they're the subject of a scientific study?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Update from Grad School

So I've been here for some weeks and I've met some new people finally! I've made some real progress with my sexual identity. I reached a real boiling point earlier this week. I got tired of covering up my tracks so my new friends wouldn't know that I was a lesbian. Very few people are worth my energy. I realized that while I don't need to hide anything from anyone, I also realized that I don't need to make any grand speeches and I don't have to give any grand explanations about my sexuality. So with this new surge of, I don't know what, I brought my book of Black lesbian coming out stories to the office to read in my free time. I knew that if people might wonder, but I figured if they were curious enough they'd ask, and of course some one did. Now I found this next scene particularly funny, and it went something like this

Office guy: What are you reading?

(I show him the book)
OG: (reads) Does your mama know? An anthology of black lesbian coming out stories.
OG: Are you bi? A lesbian?
Me: I'm a lesbian
OG: That's good to know, I would have hit on you and embarrassed myself.
So I have no chance?
Me: nope
OG: none whatsoever
Me: None
OG: None
ME: None!

Ahh people! Anyways today while talking about the upcoming campus celebration of the ratification of the 19th Amendment, I manage to get in to a debate with this guy who during the process calls Oprah and Alice Walker misery pimps for aiding in the demonization (spelling?) of black men, supporting negative images of black men such as being secretly gay (that's a whole nother issue). This guy was a WHOLE HOT MESS! Anyway I'm really grateful for being in this program it seems like this is where I was meant to be, I really think I'm going to be able to grow intellectually as well as personally.
Also I'm ready to start dating, I wanna meet a nice young woman, but I have no idea how! Any suggestions? Also could someone let me in on the secret lesbian handshake/signal to identify yourself so I know whether or not I have a chance or not with a woman I'm currently admiring.

If anyone knows how I can order a print of this photo by South African Artist Zanele Muholi I’d be forever grateful :D

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It finally came just in time! As you can see from my last post the reality of my sexual orientation hit me like a Mack truck. I don't know suddenly I realized how much everything was about to change. I realized that I was going to have to tell my mom that I would never be with a man the way she hoped I would. I realized that I might possible crush my mother's heart, and it scared me. I wanted nothing more to turn back the hands of time and instead of embrace my feelings I wanted to repress them. I was not feeling all that great needless to say, but finally it came.

This is the book that I have been waiting for. I'm only a couple of stories in but every word has spoken to me. I was meant to read this book. I'm kicking myself for not getting it sooner. I didn't realize how much I needed this book until I started reading it. It's absolutely wonderful! Thank God for Lisa C. Moore!!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Is this what we're in Iraq for?

Is this what we're in Iraq for?

****link below****

Friday, August 04, 2006

I'm back!! My internet, cable and home phone are finally connected, so I feel like I'm connected to the world. You never realize how addicted to technology you are until you're absent for a week. When I was at school I didn't even watch a lot of TV but now that I couldn't for a week it was torture! It wouldn't have been so bad if I knew anyone in my new city, but it's just me. I did meet someone who has connections to my program and she gave me some really helpful information. I have become weary about the attitude towards LGBT people on my campus after seeing "NO LOGO" written on a building, referring to LOGO recently being added to the cable line up. Overall I'm excited this should be a great new beginning.

I have found some entertaining ways to keep myself occupied, I've been making some interesting observations about the south***(this is just a lighthearted list please don't take this seriously)***

A few ways I know that I'm not in the north anymore:
  1. Pork & Beans have their own label in the supermarket aisle
2. This is the sign I see on the highway

3. There are signs posted on the buildings reminding you to keep your guns off campus

4. The most popular bumper sticker is W'04

“I remember how being young and black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell.” ~Audre Lorde